rp123 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Last night a had a really nice time. Great company, and fun for the first time in months! I'm sitting at 50+days of NC. Some days are harder than others.. Every morning I wake up and begin to torture myself with thoughts of my Ex. You know the questions: Do they think of me?, do they care? why don't they call? do they love me..? Etc...... After beginning my daily self torture, I turn to Love shack, and read all the new posts! Its like an addiction. I cant wait to see the posts by Angelface, Erica, Greyclouds, TheBob, Ranger, Caliguy, Ghengis etc.... Is this addiction doing me any good. I find it so comforting to know that others are feeling the same pain as me. I look for the wisdom in each Post which will answer all my questions, and make my ex call me, and declare her love... Does being addicted to LS just prolong the pain, and stop me from moving on? I have learnt so much from the people on LS, about myself and relationships. I will always be grateful. But is it time to stop reading the posts all the time in such an addictive way. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I, personally, love it and whilst money's so tight my end, if my mates are busy or if I just want a lazy weekend as I've worked real hard, it's a productive way for me to spend my time - I learn something new everyday and, actually, find it helps me do my job (the kids I work with suffer from SERIOUS abandonment issues). I want to say 'excellent news' to you, rp123. You're moving on well. The great thing about this place is that it is here whenever you need it. Enjoy your 'new reality', so much. See you again if you want to check in. Take care. x Link to post Share on other sites
Odyssey Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I agree LS can be good and bad. LS gave me strength when i was coping. Reading how other people are coping, especially if their situation is similar or along the same coping time frame as me, made me feel less alone. In a way, i didn't want to let them down by simply giving up. Reading posts about those who have made it, gave me hope. The downside is, it can get kinda obsessive and at times reading some of the posts made me think about my ex even more. Over-analysing i guess. Sometimes i found it refreshing to get away from LS for awhile. All good things in moderation, right? Link to post Share on other sites
HeavenOrHell Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 For me it has a positive effect, talking with others in the same boat, I don't feel so alone. And the support from people is really helping me Link to post Share on other sites
AliveAndKicking Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I think it can be and asset as well as a liability depending on where one is at in their journey. If I reach a point of saturation I back off. Like anything else in life moderation is the key. It is really pretty simple: If it helps you then rock ON! If it hinders you then bail! Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 . I cant wait to see the posts by Greyclouds, .... As good ol' grampa use to say (thats if he had his teeth in and not passed out from the hooch) "be careful what you wish for...." Does being addicted to LS just prolong the pain, and stop me from moving on? Yes. Should I go on? I shell. Just like self-help books, therapy, exercise, family, friends, new relationships , hobbies, masturbation or anything else that can be beneficial and helpful to healing (I threw in the masturbation to see if you were paying attention). Everything and anything can be a crutch if you want it to be, if you use it to stay put rather as a tool to move on. A good drink (add masturbation here too) can help relieve the stress but if you are using the drink to ignore the stress your going to have problems. I find that most people here offer and ask for support with an intent of sincere interest. As long as the intent is there for good then it is good. LS forums is just a reflection of ourselves if it is holding you back it is because you want to be held back. When you find yourself asking that question: Does being addicted to LS just prolong the pain, and stop me from moving on? your getting very close to making a significant next step because what your really asking : "Am I prolonging the my own pain ?" and by asking your becoming aware of your ability to affect your own life. Link to post Share on other sites
mickleb Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Nice post, GC. When I, personally, think of all the things we could be addicted to that are physically/pyscologically harmful, I can see very little wrong (comparatively) with either LoveShack or masturbation (other than, occasionally, feeling a bit sore). Hey! It wasn't me who lowered the tone! Link to post Share on other sites
EricaH329 Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I believe it all depends on how you use LS. I've been terribly addicted to this site since the minute I found it. I think that staying in the second chances and break up forums aren't good to do when trying to get over someone. But again, agreeing with GC, it's all really up to you (how you heal, that is). I do know one thing though, the bonds that i've created with some people on here have helped me in ways that i've never experienced before. This site has most certainly opened my eyes to things i've never even considered before. I tend to see people and relationships in a completely different light now. I feel a lot less naive. I would have never been able to do that without all of you wonderful LSers!! Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 What GC said. I think with LS you have to make the effort to move on. Don't keep posting about the same things over and over. Realize where you are at, create new realizations and move on. LS will move along with you,it's your tool. The only negative impact it has on me is that I spend too much time on it at work. In only two weeks I've become quite addicted... what can I say? I needed the help. I promise myself to do better this week. I'm an office manager with plenty of work to do and I can't really be reading/posting so much like I have during the day. I'll have to have scheduled LS breaks. lol. No, seriously. Link to post Share on other sites
adamt Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 i think it is a positive thing. helped me to clear my head and think clearly. helped me to decide how i would act after break up and what i needed to do to get to a better place. now i like to think i can offer people advice on how i was 4-5 months ago. time seems to have flown by. nice to just let things out in here rather than bottling it up. writing your thoughts out can help Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 This site has most certainly opened my eyes to things i've never even considered before. I tend to see people and relationships in a completely different light now. I would really like to see you start a thread expanding on those thoughts with specifics. Link to post Share on other sites
onewillburn Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 I've noticed that I've started to come here when I'm bored rather than when I really need to vent or get advice. There's the whole community aspect to it that draws you back, plus I tend to think of my break up as it's own entity, not something that completely revolves around my ex. In fact, I rarely actually think about her or the relationship at this point. It's more about my negative feelings and recovery. Though, I am starting to lurk and occasionally post in the non-breakup sections so I think I'm doing okay. Link to post Share on other sites
GrayClouds Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 plus I tend to think of my break up as it's own entity, not something that completely revolves around my ex. That is so important to getting to a "Real" place that is healthy. Break-ups forces us to look at our insecurities, inadequacies, and ignored issues. At times its easier to focus on the hurt of the break-up then to admit alot of the pain is from the fear of facing our own issues. Link to post Share on other sites
Ms. Joolie Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 That is so important to getting to a "Real" place that is healthy. Break-ups forces us to look at our insecurities, inadequacies, and ignored issues. At times its easier to focus on the hurt of the break-up then to admit alot of the pain is from the fear of facing our own issues. So true. And it is exactly that fear of facing ourselves - newly single - that we need to have the courage to confront. The relationship failed for a reason. Link to post Share on other sites
Thebob Posted November 8, 2009 Share Posted November 8, 2009 Last night a had a really nice time. Great company, and fun for the first time in months! I'm sitting at 50+days of NC. Some days are harder than others.. Every morning I wake up and begin to torture myself with thoughts of my Ex. You know the questions: Do they think of me?, do they care? why don't they call? do they love me..? Etc...... After beginning my daily self torture, I turn to Love shack, and read all the new posts! Its like an addiction. I cant wait to see the posts by Angelface, Erica, Greyclouds, TheBob, Ranger, Caliguy, Ghengis etc.... Is this addiction doing me any good. I find it so comforting to know that others are feeling the same pain as me. I look for the wisdom in each Post which will answer all my questions, and make my ex call me, and declare her love... Does being addicted to LS just prolong the pain, and stop me from moving on? I have learnt so much from the people on LS, about myself and relationships. I will always be grateful. But is it time to stop reading the posts all the time in such an addictive way. Why thanks Rp123! I try, but in my opinion LS helps mostly due to the fact that it doesn't allow you to do something really stupid that you would do otherwise. If you didn't have LS you prolly would have contacted your ex and you could most likely be worst off. Having LS allows you to vent your frusteration, without venting it on the wrong people. This site helps, but it also kinda prolonges because when you log on LS your mostly doing it over the person you "cared for at some time or another". But it doesn't prolong as much as it would if you did contact your ex if that makes sense. Thebob Link to post Share on other sites
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