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And...he texts me again.


t0ri

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So...my ex just broke NC for the 3rd time since our breakup over 4 months ago. First time, I replied to his apology for hurting me. Second time, I ignored his happy "belated" birthday wish, and he just text me again. This time: "Hey." I didn't respond. So he text again and said, "Well I was just thinkin about you tonight and thought I'd say hey, are how your doin"

 

So... I know I should probably ignore it. BUT my question is, is there ever a time where it's finally ok to be DONE with NC? Should that only occur when you've completely healed?

 

This is not a joke... E V E R Y time I've began to feel better again, he pops back up and it leaves me destroyed again! Two weeks ago, when he text me for my birthday, it made me depressed all over again. That's probably a sign I shouldn't respond to this text. But I can't help but obsess over wondering what he wants! I guess he said it in the text...he just wondered how I'm doing. Blah!

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I broke up with my ex in June. I was nasty about this too because he never got the point when I would try before and he always came back within a week as well I would let him back. I was doing the NC for a long time very well i must admit through the help on loveshack. Well he started calling and texting me all the time.. Before he started all of this I was healing I was doing pretty good, since I started to respond to him I felt myself changing again and falling again. I just text him about 20 minutes ago saying that we can not be friends as much as I thought we could as I still held feelings for him and I felt it was not fair to him or me. (he says he is over me) I also requested that he stop all kinds of contact with me from now on as we both know what I feel and what he feels. he has not reposnded yet so I think that he is going to allow me this time with respect... If you get deppressed after you have any form of contact with your ex I would say you do not respond to his texts or you did what I had to do and tell him that you are not contacting him as well you wish for the same respect.

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When my ex first broke contact 2 weeks ago , i felt just like you.Happy for a moment then depressed.Started to cry because I saw him moving on and felt useless. Well yesterday i said I HAD ENOUGH , GET A GRIP DIANNA ..and today he broke contact again and when he called I remained calm . Karma eh? And now after he called me I feel ok

 

My point is evaluate the situation.Be strong and ( it may sound corny) but look into your heart .

 

And don't obsesse about it.My ex wanted to know how im i doing etc etc..things like that ..like ur ex ..but if he broke contact for the 3rd time it seems to me that he is sorry ..a little to late ?

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Change your phone number. He's lonely and bored. If he wanted to really know how you were, he would call.

 

I know it's hard to NOT hope that the message doesn't mean more...but you need to see his contact only hurts you. You were doing better before the message, right? You are still giving him way to much power over you.

 

If he sends another, tell him to NOT CONTACT YOU FOR ANY REASON. Otherwise, you are just leaving the door open for him to sneak in, and out.

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S BUT my question is, is there ever a time where it's finally ok to be DONE with NC? Should that only occur when you've completely healed?

 

This is not a joke... E V E R Y time I've began to feel better again, he pops back up and it leaves me destroyed again! Two weeks ago, when he text me for my birthday, it made me depressed all over again.

 

You've really just answered your own question, haven't you?

Yes, it should only occur then.

Ignore him completely and change your number.

Goodness, don't let him live in your heart in such a manner!

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Goodness, don't let him live in your heart in such a manner!

 

I know, I need to stop that. That is the last place he deserves to live in!

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He text me again last night. I'm honestly shocked he's continuing to speak to me... I don't see a point unless it's for his own selfish reasons.

 

What shocked me even more, is this: on Monday I told him I was going to a certain concert this week, and asked if he liked that band because I couldn't remember (and I didn't want to run into him there). He said he kind of likes them. So last night he texts me asking if that concert is tonight, when I had just told him the day before it's on Thursday. I told him, "No, it's Thursday, why?" And he said he was thinking of going if it was tonight. I didn't respond so he asked if I was going to it for sure, which he already knew. I told him yes and he said he didn't know if he could go cuz he's scheduled to work.

 

I find that crazy that he was going to go to that concert knowing very well I'd be there. He doesn't mind seeing me!?! That would be so awkward... having not seen each other in over 4 months and after everything that has gone down. After using that concert question to spark conversation, he continued conversation for hours...keeping it flowing, asking more things to update him on my life. I kept it brief...didn't say a whole lot.

 

Anyway, this is probably a pointless update, but I'm just getting my thoughts out.

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So...my ex just broke NC for the 3rd time since our breakup over 4 months ago. First time, I replied to his apology for hurting me. Second time, I ignored his happy "belated" birthday wish, and he just text me again. This time: "Hey." I didn't respond. So he text again and said, "Well I was just thinkin about you tonight and thought I'd say hey, are how your doin"

 

So... I know I should probably ignore it. BUT my question is, is there ever a time where it's finally ok to be DONE with NC? Should that only occur when you've completely healed?

 

This is not a joke... E V E R Y time I've began to feel better again, he pops back up and it leaves me destroyed again! Two weeks ago, when he text me for my birthday, it made me depressed all over again. That's probably a sign I shouldn't respond to this text. But I can't help but obsess over wondering what he wants! I guess he said it in the text...he just wondered how I'm doing. Blah!

 

 

Only break NC if you believe you are positive you can handle it I say.

 

If you feel like it will make you depressed/upset/anxious----DON'T.

 

I have been LC with my ex. We broke up in March but were still "friends", having sex and all that up until May. The last I saw him was May and the last we had a phone conversation was in June. He sent me a random text msg sometime in July and he makes random replies on my Twitter comments....I initiated contact with him earlier in August and it left me UPSET then after wards relieved. I had called but it was late and he was sleepy so we didnt speak....he told me to feel free to call.I DID NOT however call back :rolleyes: and was GLAD the convo lasted all of 4 seconds and I didn't have a chance to say something stupid (like question him about his new toy/gf). He called the next day but I missed the call, called back and he didn't answer....I didn't get the point of that but I have also figured him out so it was no surprise and I was sort of happy too as my calling him was a mistake initially so if he called back saying "oh sorry about last night what's up?" I would not have even known what to say....so eveyrthng happens for a reason!

 

We didn't speak until this past Saturday rolls around and he randomly calls me and randomly invites himself to hang out with me...:rolleyes: It would be the ultimate NC sin to most but for me...it did not change a thing. It did not make me anxious, upset, angry, or anything. It just confirms thoughts I already have about him. I however WILL NOT allow him to pop in and out of my life at whim. So if he resurfaces again and tries to hang out or some such...I will be conveniently BUSY! While I feel I can handle communicating with him now...there is a part of me that is unsure and I still do have feelings for him, so I WILL NOT allow myself to go down a slippery slope. I have come much TOO FAR to trip and end up at square one.....so I did take that risk this weekend by seeing him and it worked out fine for me. But I am also not going to entertain him like that again...letting him think he has me where he wants me or has control or can go and come as he pleases...OH NO NO NO! He received that ONE freebie and that was the only one.

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I haven't been ok after speaking with him the other few times, but I'm completely fine after having contact with him Monday and Tuesday. I didn't hear from him yesterday, and that concert I was talking about is tonight. He said he didn't think he could go because of work, so hopefully that remains true. I just CANNOT believe he was wanting to go, knowing I'd be there!

 

I know I shouldn't be breaking NC, but it hasn't phased me the past 2 times. Next time he texts me, or if I run into him tonight, would it be wise to ask him what exactly he wants from me? I want to know what's going on, and not have him pop in and out of my life on a whim, like you said Beeotch, but I don't want to scare him away either...

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So...my ex just broke NC for the 3rd time since our breakup over 4 months ago. First time, I replied to his apology for hurting me. Second time, I ignored his happy "belated" birthday wish, and he just text me again. This time: "Hey." I didn't respond. So he text again and said, "Well I was just thinkin about you tonight and thought I'd say hey, are how your doin"

 

So... I know I should probably ignore it. BUT my question is, is there ever a time where it's finally ok to be DONE with NC? Should that only occur when you've completely healed?

 

This is not a joke... E V E R Y time I've began to feel better again, he pops back up and it leaves me destroyed again! Two weeks ago, when he text me for my birthday, it made me depressed all over again. That's probably a sign I shouldn't respond to this text. But I can't help but obsess over wondering what he wants! I guess he said it in the text...he just wondered how I'm doing. Blah!

 

Tori, he has nothing else going on at the moment and no one to stroke his ego, so he's throwing a line out there to see if he can get some good ego buffing via you. If he wanted you back, was sorry, etc. He wouldn't text, he would be calling; followed by apology and begging his ass off. He just has no one else to give him attention so sadly, he's going to you not giving a thought at the pain and distress it may cause you. And he isn't wondering how YOU'RE doing, he's wondering if you're wondering how HE is doing. He didn't think about YOU last night, he thought about wether or not you thought about HIM. It's all ego stroking.

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I haven't been ok after speaking with him the other few times, but I'm completely fine after having contact with him Monday and Tuesday. I didn't hear from him yesterday, and that concert I was talking about is tonight. He said he didn't think he could go because of work, so hopefully that remains true. I just CANNOT believe he was wanting to go, knowing I'd be there!

 

I know I shouldn't be breaking NC, but it hasn't phased me the past 2 times. Next time he texts me, or if I run into him tonight, would it be wise to ask him what exactly he wants from me? I want to know what's going on, and not have him pop in and out of my life on a whim, like you said Beeotch, but I don't want to scare him away either...

 

Okay, you don't want to scare HIM away? Don't settle for people throwing you their table scraps, you do it once and they are going to get the idea in their heads they never have to stop. Even worse, YOU will get the idea in your head that it's fine and acceptable. I could be wrong, but this all seems to me like him trying to get his ego stroked and toying with you because well, it's better than nothing at the moment.

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Okay, you don't want to scare HIM away? Don't settle for people throwing you their table scraps, you do it once and they are going to get the idea in their heads they never have to stop. Even worse, YOU will get the idea in your head that it's fine and acceptable. I could be wrong, but this all seems to me like him trying to get his ego stroked and toying with you because well, it's better than nothing at the moment.

 

I agree. By all means, if you happen to run into him, ask him plainly what he's hoping to achieve by popping in and out of your life like he is.

 

As for the concert thing, that strikes me as him looking for a way to get you in a public setting, where he knows 100% you'll be there, and come strolling in with his new arm-candy to try and piss you off (or if he shows up alone he's there to check whether you have arm-candy of your own)

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You're right. I'm such a fool for responding, but I figured... eh why not be amicable. I wonder if these stupid ex's do these things subconsciously? Or is he literally sitting there saying to himself, "I feel lonely and bored at 1 in the afternoon, I'll see what t0ri is doing so I can feel better about myself.."

 

So if they ever want you back, they'll just come out and say it before saying anything else?! And not test the waters first? - such as trying to talk to you to see if even talking is a possibility? I dunno about that. And why would simply talking to me be a stroke to his ego? He asked me things like if I've gotten back involved in church and random things... I guess that's from boredom. I love ex's...they're super :mad:

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Please don't take this as rude or a criticism, but...

What part of 'No Contact' are you not getting?

'No contact' means.... no contact.

Not 'no contact but discuss a concert and run into him'.

 

so actually, you haven't been practising 'No contact'.

You've just been practising 'avoiding the issue'....?

 

I'm sorry... really.

 

I don't understand why you're saying you're in 'No Contact' when it's actually completely plain you're not.....?

:confused: Confused...!!

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Please don't take this as rude or a criticism, but...

What part of 'No Contact' are you not getting?

'No contact' means.... no contact.

Not 'no contact but discuss a concert and run into him'.

 

so actually, you haven't been practising 'No contact'.

You've just been practising 'avoiding the issue'....?

 

I'm sorry... really.

 

I don't understand why you're saying you're in 'No Contact' when it's actually completely plain you're not.....?

:confused: Confused...!!

 

No offense taken. I was doing NC for over 3 months, and I completely get what it is, but clearly I broke/stopped it when I responded to him, and am doing LC now, I suppose.

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*'Dr Phil' accent*

 

"And how's that working for you?"

 

Really....

 

What would you rather be doing?

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So if they ever want you back, they'll just come out and say it before saying anything else?! And not test the waters first? - such as trying to talk to you to see if even talking is a possibility?

 

I understand what you mean by this. I feel the same way actually. My ex of one month now I feel is totally testing the waters by trying to ease his way back into my life. "Are we still on talking terms?" Call me anytime... call me soon", etc. He is either lonely, bored, looking for an ego boost, OR like you said and I feel too, that he is 'testing the waters'. Put yourself in his shoes, wouldn't you do the same? I am ignoring for now. Continue with NC for now is my advice. That's just me.

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*'Dr Phil' accent*

 

"And how's that working for you?"

 

I have to continue on with the Dr. Phil theme here...

 

*Dr. Phil accent*

 

"You need to stop living in the past and go live your life as a single woman"

 

What i mean is, look at it from an outside perspective. If you want to start the NC back, and move past him, think of him as a weird, pale, skinny guy that bought you a drink and talked about his ant collection for an hour while you were at the bar (or coffee house, wherever you choose)

 

If that guy happened to have your number, and he messaged or phoned you, would you respond to him? Doubtful. You would want him to leave you alone at whatever cost.

 

So every time you see his name pop up on the phone, picture the most repulsive person you can think of. If that doesn't help maybe you should calmly tell him you think it would be best if he didn't contact you, and that if he does he shouldn't expect a reply.

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You're right. I'm such a fool for responding, but I figured... eh why not be amicable. I wonder if these stupid ex's do these things subconsciously? Or is he literally sitting there saying to himself, "I feel lonely and bored at 1 in the afternoon, I'll see what t0ri is doing so I can feel better about myself.."

 

So if they ever want you back, they'll just come out and say it before saying anything else?! And not test the waters first? - such as trying to talk to you to see if even talking is a possibility? I dunno about that. And why would simply talking to me be a stroke to his ego? He asked me things like if I've gotten back involved in church and random things... I guess that's from boredom. I love ex's...they're super :mad:

 

You talkign to him IS a stroke to his ego. The very fact that you're willing to respond and exchange banter to him says "Yeah, she still wants me." My point was, that an ex who trully wanted to reconcile would treat you a little more seriously 9 times out 10. Because for all THEY know, they've only got ONE shot that you'll hear them out. He just sounds like he's out for the good old pet to the ego.

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Unless what he is saying to you is

"How can we make this really work? What do I do to have you back?

I want you in my life, permanently,"

All he's doing is stringing you along and keeping you at heel.

 

This is exactly the same in dog behaviour, you know....

feed dog titbits, and after a while, reduce quantity. it will always stick at your heels, hoping for more....

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Take their advice, they're right.

 

I know it well myself.

 

My ex and I broke up last October. We were "friends" until this May. "Friends" meaning I was there when she needed me, or wanted to have sex with me. When I needed her, she was never around much. Then, she met a dude around May.

 

She still tries to contact me. It's the same thing - pointless stuff. I had been responding for a while, until I realized that's exactly what she wants. It's not about us, it's about them. They call to stroke their ego. To see if you'll still be there. By replying and acting cool, you're giving them what they want.

 

Do they do this on purpose? Yes. They know what they're doing.

 

Maybe they're lonely and they need to know that there's someone out there who still will talk to them if they need that. Once they get it from you, they can go back to their new lives. It's a release. It's an exchange of guilt or blame. They dump it on you. Then you end up feeling miserable.

 

It's true - unless they're saying "hey, i want to work on this. let's try to fix this" - the table scrabs you're getting aren't worth it. Even if it is their way of trying to establish ground with you - if they aren't mature enough to admit it or talk about the real stuff, what's the point???

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Sometimes the other party doesn't allow NC. My ex has continued to call for stupid reasons

-which ipod is better

-directions to a club

I told her many times I don't want to see her or talk to her. She came to get her check today and what do you know shes strolls in my office and tries to have a convo w/me. Am i busy? what am I doing? etc. I simply reply with short answers and go on about my work.

I don't ever call her or give her reasons to contact me. I'm out of options. She has a new g/f so why bother me!

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Really, I know it seems impossible, but if you initiate No contact - you're the one who allows or doesn't.

And it can take downright rudeness to get it through to them.

 

....and what do you know shes strolls in my office and tries to have a convo w/me. Am i busy?

"Yes, I'm busy." (ignore gaze, do not make eye contact.)

 

what am I doing? etc.

"None of your business."

 

*Gets up and leaves desk, and goes anywhere else but there.*

 

Which ipod is better?

let her find out by checking the reviews on the internet.

you don't need to reply.

 

Directions to a club?

Google has maps, you know......

 

 

occasionally, the only way to get to get through to the persistent 'NC -Breaker' is to cut them off at the knees.

 

If you respond - in whatever way you respond, to reply to their question/request - it plays into their hands.

 

it might go completely against the grain, and cause you to be who you are not.

But that's who you are, to them.

And them alone.

After all, they're the only ones causing you pain.

They're the only ones you need to protect yourself against.

 

Good Luck, be well. :)

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I'm not a rude person. I'm willing to help whenever someone needs it. In this case its seems like a flaw. If it takes me acting like a different person towards her then so be it. I'll do whatever it takes for her to leave me alone.

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