Coping Tips: How To Get Through An Unbearable Day

[Road To Joy]

You know those unbearable days where everything is just, well… unbearable? Your negative thoughts are clouding your mind, and no matter how hard you try to distract yourself, it doesn’t work. You try reading, watching TV, having a conversation, playing with your pet, and nothing works! Anxiety is through the roof and you’re convinced there’s nothing you can do about it.

 

I have always believed that on days like this, all you should focus on is getting through the day. Do not focus on getting rid of your thoughts, ‘cause all that’s going to do is keep you thinking, and possibly give you a headache (at least to me).

 

Only focusing on getting through the day means killing time. These are things that help me, have always helped me, and will most likely help you, kill time:

 

Shower – The longer, the better! I’m a pretty average 15-30 (long hair ) minute shower type of guy, but with effort I can stretch out my showers as far as 45 minutes, maybe even an hour if I don’t mind turning into a prune. Talk to yourself in the shower, this might sound creepy but it’s actually very convenient. Interview yourself, or even vent to yourself in there. It helps! And there’s no better listener than you, because nobody understands you better than you (duh)! Also, slow everything down. Don’t scrub/clean yourself as fast as usual.

 

Watch a movie – Preferably at a theater. Watching a movie at home is not a good choice for some people, ‘cause you can easily turn off the TV or pause it. Going to a theater will distract you with your surroundings, and it’ll diminish most of the temptations to not watch the whole thing. Mostly ‘cause it’s money wasted. Tips: make sure not to pick a movie with any actors/actresses that remind you of your ex or anything related to your ex. No depressing or romantic movies, either. These are bound to upset you. Action and comedy movies are the best choices in moments like this.

 

Television – This is not exactly like ‘movies’. What I mean by television, is to engage yourself in a series. Even if that means going to the store and buying Season 1 of any television series. Dexter, Weeds, House, CSI, Lost, anything! I’m sure there’s some you’ve heard of but have never watched. Buy Season 1 and get hooked. Have your own little marathon.

 

Work out – If you’re like me, this might be kind of hard. I’ll run for about 20 minutes, and I stop ‘cause I just cannot concentrate. But force yourself to keep going, and even if you absolutely can’t, the more you do the better. Exercise makes you happy, it’s proven! If you do it in the late afternoon/evening, it’ll make you more tired and you’ll sleep like a baby, which is always a plus.

 

Use the internet – This is for some people. Days like these, some people are tempted to contact their ex or see what’s going on in their lives. If this is you, the internet is off limits for you today! So ignore this suggestion. If you can handle the internet perfectly fine, then come on here. LS (or any other forum) is great. YouTube is another great website. Find something funny and entertaining, and keep on going! Watch, watch, watch.

 

Cook – If you have a cookbook, great. If not, print something out from the internet. If it’s something you already know how to cook, you’ll most likely do it fast. That’s why I suggest cooking something you’ve never cooked before. You’ll be careful with what you’re doing, which will make you focus more on that and not so much on your ex. Plus, you’ll be learning new recipes!

 

Sleep – Enough said. You can easily kill HOURS this way.

 

 

These are just a few basic, general activities. Deeper ones vary from person to person. If you play music, do that. If you do yoga or meditate, do that. Whatever works for you! Get through the day, tomorrow will be better.

 

Good luck.

[Thaddeus]

I gotta tell ya, I don't think some of these are particularly good ideas. I mean, I understand the intent - that is, to get your mind off something - but I think an active approach will be more successful than a passive one. For instance, I don't consider TV (even if it's Dexter - great stuff!), internet or sleep to be particularly active pursuits. For me personally, I need to busy myself with something active. Working out is one. Cooking is another. One may also consider volunteering somewhere (local food bank, perhaps).

 

Just my $0.02.

[WTRanger]

An hour shower? Jesus Christ, what's your water bill??

 

For me, the best is working out or just plain going for a walk. By the time I'm done, I'm too damn tired to think about anything else other than being tired.

 

I love to cook as well, but I used to cook for her a lot, so yeah, I need new recipes.

 

Internet is no good for me, I end up being weak willed and look at pages I shouldn't that involve her and end up at square one.

 

TV and Movies are good and bad. Good to keep me occupied but bad because more than likely something sappy will happen that will make me go off the emotional deep end. Though in a way that's good, as it gets the emotions out instead of me holding them in and exploding at a much more inappropriate time.

 

I pace my place a lot and talk to myself more than anything. I bet people think I have at least one roommate. They'd be shocked to find I live my myself!! I bet they think, "Ohh the crazy guy is talking to himself again."

[Road To Joy]

Thaddeus, I definitely see where you're coming from. These are more for the days that just randomly hit you. When you really feel you're on the verge of something (contacting your ex, hurting yourself, etc). Like some people say right after the breakup you should allow yourself to eat comfort foods, cry your heart out, etc. for no more than a week before picking yourself back up. This is sort of like that, except it's for those very low days you randomly get in the midst of your recovery. They usually come during birthdays, holidays, anniversaries, etc.

 

I don't think it's bad to let yourself go for a day or two at the most, if you're having a really bad one.

 

Kinda like eating healthy all the time, sometimes it's good to allow yourself a candy bar. Or like exercising, everybody needs their resting day.

 

WTRanger, to be completely honest, when my showers last more than half an hour I usually just stand there and feel the water hit me. Hahaha. Waste of water, yes (sorry, Mother Nature!). Waste of money, no. I pay the same water bill every month, I live in a townhouse.

 

As for talking to myself, I do it ALL THE TIME. Even while I was with her. In the morning while getting ready, or at night before falling asleep, and even in the shower. I know it sounds crazy, but usually it's just me sorting out my own thoughts.

[PinkToes]

Good ideas; thanks.

 

One thing that works for me is downloading books and going for a really long walk. Sometimes it's hard to do either one alone; either my mind keeps racing or I can't concentrate. But combining the two helps.

 

Also going outside with my laptop and Googling stuff that's totally unrelated to relationships or love or any other nonsense. Just things you're curious about.

[moo]

Road to Joy, I like some of your ideas. TV shows have helped me sooooo much. I love M*A*S*H, the Golden Girls and some other old shows. I used to dread Saturday Nights. Now I look forward to Saturday Nights so I can watch Dr. Who.

 

I also agree that the internet could be a great source. I can't even tell you how many times the internet has helped me and continues to help me. I love You Tube short videos of dogs singing and dogs talking. I watch them over and over again. I've watched snippets of the Simpsons and more.

 

Exercise I definitely agree with and I also agree with you- yes, if you are sleeping, you are filling those hours, as long as you are not doing it throughout the day. I think that could encourage some people to sleep instead of staying up all night.

 

thanks for your tips.