Sober Realizations

[Battlewax]

Last night came the Sober Realization. I don't think she can give me what I want. I thought about everything in the relationship from the good to the bad. I asked myself one question,

 

 

“Do I really want her back?”

 

 

As things stand at the moment, my answer was, no. I have done a lot to change what I didn't' like about myself, especially in the thinking department. CBT, I guess? Then I started looking at things about her, noticing there wasn't any change. Especially in the thinking department, the persistent negative thoughts are just too much. I tried to help her with that during the relationship and she tried to help me with my procrastination. But now, I just can't take it.

 

 

I can't believe I came to the conclusion that the woman I love so dearly is a woman that I can't be with. I know what I want out of life and love. If I cant' have that with you then I need to move on and be with somebody who I can connect with and get all the things I want out of life.

 

 

I'm in a really weird place right now. I've never been at this place, so many times I could always blame them and move on out of sheer spite. This is so different that I'm really unsure of just about everything. I came to this conclusion on rational thought. I have absolutely no idea how to proceed.

 

 

I was thinking about going NC and taking a few days to really think about this figuring out if this is how I really want to proceed. She is moving to a new apt this week so I thought it would be a good distraction for her. I guess the original NC did work, just not how I expected to fee. I'm going to have to tell her all of this I just don't know when the time is right.

 

 

I'm not happy, sad, angry or hurting. I'm kinda numb. The place I am is so new, is there anybody who's been there?

[Nedved]

I've had that sober realization mayself and i know exactly how you feel. After she broke up with me i was hurt and very down but after much thought and help from people here on LS i now know she was'nt right for me.

 

We had very little in common, argued a lot and were 2 totally different people. yes we had great times and were together 4 years but i think a lot of my good memories of her are crowded by sentiment and particulary near the end of our relationship i'd nearly go as far to say we did'nt like each other anymore.

 

Its funny because naturaly i was devasted when she broke up with me but now i'm thinking she done me a huge favour because i know now what i want from a girl and i'm looking forward to the future again. With her she was so needy and selfish and with her it was all me me me.

 

If you d'ont think you'd want her back then you must do the hardest thing ever now and let her go. Its not easy and if you can be friends with her fine but if you can't you gotta go NC. Is it a case of maybe you d'ont want her anymore but you d'ont want anybody else to have her either?

[Beeotch]

Realized the same thing myself.

 

The downside is that it doesn't magically erase all your feelings for the person...

 

But the upside is that you can think of it as a phase that will pass and ultimately the right thing and that you can and will find someone better...and if u and this ex got back together...it would STILL eventually end.

 

My ex....he has issues that he needs to resolve. I do think that perhaps if he comes to terms with those issues then MAYBE we could work out. But for now...the way he is, NO. He could change...he could work on his issues and in the future we get back together...but why count on what MAY/MAY NOT occur? So I don't...I just see him for who he is today and that person is not someone who can make me happy and give me what I need/want.