Work and relationships

[Nikki Sahagin]

I shall try to keep this short and sweet...but we shall see! Okay as is the case with most relationships, me and my boyfriend are in a close to two year relationship and origionally everything was great. We had our fair share of issues between us but have overcome all so far. Last summer my boyfriend began a new job with VERY long hours. Prior to this job we had quite a claustrophobic relationship and would see virtually every day. During this time I realised I was more insecure and dependent but on another level I prioritise relationships very highly i.e. when I think of plans I think of things to do together rather than solo. I felt my boyfriend was oriented the same way but when he began work and we spent time apart, he enjoyed it as he felt more independent and back to his old self.

 

Fast forward to now and he is STILL a complete workaholic. In his job he has to work to make commission. If he doesn't make a certain amount of sales a day, he only earns minimum wage. As such he is currently working weekends. When we see each other, it is after work (so a couple of hours including him eating, tidying, catching up on what he needs to). Sometimes I feel I just sit there whilst he fusses about. Also because he is saving, we rarely get to go out and do anything when we do have time to ourselves and if we do I really have to push it (even paid a few times just so he couldn't use money as an excuse even though i'm not rolling in it myself).

 

We are going away on holiday soon so I am hoping in this time we will reconnect and have fun together but part of me wonders how much my boyfriends work committments are a serious deterent in our relationship or how much he hides behind them as an excuse? (I think he may have avoidant attachment disorder).

 

I may say more depending on peoples responses! But really I have two things to ask...

 

how do you cope when work schedules real interfere in your relationship? In a way it's a bit like a long distance relationship!

And how can you differentiate between real life hurdles and excuses?

 

Any input would be much appreciated!

[techfan]

I say you communicate with him. This exact same situation pretty much was the cause of my ex dumping me. I was so caught up in working and sleeping that i paid less attention to her thinking she was okay with temporary independence, all the while she was upset and planning on breaking it off with me.

 

Communication is key. Talk about your feelings and his. Relationships take work and communication. He should understand. If you both truly love each other you can find a balance. Thats what its about.

 

i only wish i had known this and had it brought up to me.

 

 

good luck.

[Nikki Sahagin]

I say you communicate with him. This exact same situation pretty much was the cause of my ex dumping me. I was so caught up in working and sleeping that i paid less attention to her thinking she was okay with temporary independence, all the while she was upset and planning on breaking it off with me.

 

Communication is key. Talk about your feelings and his. Relationships take work and communication. He should understand. If you both truly love each other you can find a balance. Thats what its about.

 

i only wish i had known this and had it brought up to me.

 

 

good luck.

 

I have brought it up various times but my boyfriend says he feels 'pressurised'. In his mind he feels he has loads to fit in and not enough time, especially now he is working every day. From my side, I feel I am not a priority and not important. This 'forced independence' leaves me in a weird kind of limbo. I sometimes think of ending it as well for the same reasons as you seem to mention. But part of me thinks I should just be patient and understanding because it is a hard time...but then I sometimes think is he being patient and understanding of my worries? Hmmm