Its been 6 Months but I still love her

[Danny123]

Just joined up here, just needed some advice/some kind words really.

 

6 months ago me and my girlfriend broke up, whilst I was on holiday she rang me to tell me that she had fallen for someone else and didn't know who she'd rather be with, at the time I didn't feel anything, I guess it just didn't really sink in until later on that day. Anyway the next day I was sitting on the beach just watching the waves and I rang her up so we could talk about it. She asked if I wanted to break up but I said no.

 

Later on the same day, she rang me up saying that its not fair on me that she likes both people and that we cant be together, I hung up on here and ended up throwing my phone. I was just angry, upset, frustrated etc.. What annoyed me more is that she had only met the person she fell for once and had been speaking on the phone etc.. for just a couple of weeks before she told me.

 

I decided that I didnt want to talk to her after that, I'm going to be honest and say that I did keep talking to her and then saying we cant talk anymore, I did this 6 or 7 times and I think deep down I knew this was hurting her because she did still love me, and wasnt even seeing this other person. We was talking on msn one night and she was on webcam, she turned the webcam to the kitchen, boiled a kettle and poured the boiling water over her arm so that I could see. That killed me inside knowing that it was probably my fault so there and then I stopped talking to her.

 

We didnt talk for just over a month when she texted me asking how I was, we had a little chat and then we stopped talking again. We spoke for a few days over Christmas and I found out she was seeing someone else which again killed me inside. And she texted me again last night saying it would be nice to meet up and see each other again etc.. It seems that just as I start to feel happier, and feel im getting over her I get a text from her. As soon as I see the text is from her I get all these feelings and emotions rushing back and I just feel down and crappy again.

 

I know I messed her about for a little while after we broke up, I know I did and I really do regret this because I realise now how childish it was. But how can I move on from her? She said last night that she really cared about me and worries about me a lot (I went through a stange of drinking everynight, but I stopped this over Christmas when she told me to stop because shes really worried) I just dont know what to do.

 

My friends all say that I should just move on, go with someone else etc.. but I dont want anyone else, I have tried falling for someone else but I cant, its like ive got a barrier around me stopping me feeling something for someone else.

 

Sorry this is so long, just wanted to get my story across.

 

Any advice?

[Geishawhelk]

Just I decided that I didnt want to talk to her after that, I'm going to be honest and say that I did keep talking to her and then saying we cant talk anymore, I did this 6 or 7 times and I think deep down I knew this was hurting her because she did still love me, and wasnt even seeing this other person.

 

Well, you were both hurting her AND you.

if you say NO CONTACT - do it. Don't pussyfoot and p*ss about. Say what you mean, and do it.

 

We was talking on msn one night and she was on webcam, she turned the webcam to the kitchen, boiled a kettle and poured the boiling water over her arm so that I could see. That killed me inside knowing that it was probably my fault so there and then I stopped talking to her.

 

Well she's stupid. That was her choice, and YOU didn't make her do that, she did. She might have turned the guilt on you, but she did all of that. What a cretinous thing to do. Really dumb. Her stupid actions do not = your fault. She's got a brain in her head. All she really needed to do was disconnect.

 

We didnt talk for just over a month when she texted me asking how I was, we had a little chat and then we stopped talking again..... blah blah....blah blah blah....blah blah.....I just dont know what to do.

 

My friends all say that I should just move on, go with someone else etc..

 

Listen to your friends. They're friends for a reason.

Go NO CONTACT with your ex-

She's an ex- for a reason.

 

See the logic there?

 

but I dont want anyone else, I have tried falling for someone else but I cant, its like ive got a barrier around me stopping me feeling something for someone else.

well you put it there. you have to tear it down. You're the one stopping yourself from moving forward, so have a good look around this forum to see what people say about going NO CONTACT, what it means, and what happens when you break it. (Disaster, in short.)

 

You erase all possible means for you to contact her, or her to contact you. You never respond, you never take the bait, you never let her yank your chain, and you shut the hell up and keep away from her, period.

 

Now you can come back and argue, complain, protest, get mad, bite back - all you like.

We don't care.

Because we know.

We know we're right, and we have the multi-peopled experience to let you know that no matter how much you may argue, or try to justify yourself - it don't work.

 

YOU need to go NO CONTACT.

Completely, unquestionably, unconditionally, inclusively.

 

Yup.

 

you heard it here first.

[BackonTrack2]

I agree with Geishawhelk and she's so right.

 

+ your girlfriend is ****ing someone else, you lost it and oh yeah, 6 months is not that long, give yourself more time, and oh yeah, find someone else.

 

PS, falling for someone else = "I'm ****ing and sucking another man's cock"

Pouring hot water on a hand = "I'm crazy and physco"

 

Do you want a crazy physco girl who sucks and ****s other people?

 

Do you still love her now?

[sedgwick]

she turned the webcam to the kitchen, boiled a kettle and poured the boiling water over her arm so that I could see. That killed me inside knowing that it was probably my fault

 

WHOA. This is:

 

1. Totally not your fault in any way whatsoever

2. Behavior that should have led to immediate calling of an ambulance and admittance to a psych emergency room. (And yes...that's PSYCH, not PHYSC.)

3. Absolutely not about her being "stupid," as Geishawhelk says. People with mental illnesses are not "stupid," "dumb," or "cretinous," they're sick. Please, GW, don't perpetuate ignorance and stereotypes. I for one find it quite offensive.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

We was talking on msn one night and she was on webcam, she turned the webcam to the kitchen, boiled a kettle and poured the boiling water over her arm so that I could see. That killed me inside knowing that it was probably my fault so there and then I stopped talking to her.

She accomplished her task then. She wants everything to be your fault.

Do you also see how childish this is that someone would do that?

 

You go NC and walk away from this. There are people out there that don't pretend to burn themselves on a webcam (stupid).

[sedgwick]

 

You go NC and walk away from this. There are people out there that don't pretend to burn themselves on a webcam (stupid).

 

Or how about people who DO burn themselves because they have diagnosable mood or personality disorders? Is everyone out there who's bipolar or borderline just "stupid" to you guys? Has anyone ever read or heard or studied anything about mental illness whatsoever?!?!?!

[Posco_Proudfoot]

Or how about people who DO burn themselves because they have diagnosable mood or personality disorders? Is everyone out there who's bipolar or borderline just "stupid" to you guys? Has anyone ever read or heard or studied anything about mental illness whatsoever?!?!?!

This is not a psychological forum for the posters ex. I see what she did as a coping mechanism by her actions, especially since she did it on a webcam. I see it is purely dramatic effect and more of a hoax with the boiling water. I call it stupid because it is a childish thing to do.

 

We look at it from the care of poster of the thread, and not to make a amateur diagnose of some sort of disorder. To do so based on a point of view of an anonymous poster's text is inappropriate, IMHO.

[sedgwick]

not to make a amateur diagnose

 

Okay, I'm going to read that as "not to make AN amateur diagnosIS," and state that while I am of course not offering up a diagnosis, I am suggesting that the behavior of the poster's girlfriend could conceivably be indicative of mental illness, particularly of a mood or personality disorder. I hope that you, OP, will encourage her to seek help for self-harming behavior, which this is, regardless of any specific malady it might indicate.

[Posco_Proudfoot]

state that while I am of course not offering up a diagnosis,I am suggesting that the behavior of the poster's girlfriend could conceivably be indicative of mental illness, particularly of a mood or personality disorder.

Okay, well, you said

 

Behavior that should have led to immediate calling of an ambulance and admittance to a psych emergency room. (And yes...that's PSYCH, not PHYSC.)

People with mental illnesses are not "stupid," "dumb," or "cretinous," they're sick.

You're implying quite a bit from a couple of sentences he wrote, which was really about needing relationship advice and not dealing with her problems.

 

Remote Diagnosis Disorder - People afflicted with this personality disorder suffer from an uncontrollable urge to diagnose individuals as suffering from one or more psychological disorders, specifically individuals which the RDD sufferer has had little or no direct personal interaction with. RDD sufferers often diagnose specific mental illnesses and may go so far as to offer treatment suggestions.

 

I know this is off topic and I'm ending the issue on this post. I see one or two people suggesting disorders on this forum quite a bit. It would be good to mention that there is a disorder for what you're doing.

[sedgwick]

 

I know this is off topic and I'm ending the issue on this post. I see one or two people suggesting disorders on this forum quite a bit. It would be good to mention that there is a disorder for what you're doing.

 

Um...except that there isn't. But whatever. If you disagree that a person who has just poured boiling water on herself intentionally could possibly be suffering from any sort of mental illness whatsoever, rock on with your bad self. In the meantime, I will always suggest appropriate medical care.