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What's Her Intentions?


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Old 23rd January 2009, 2:27 PM   #1
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What's Her Intentions?

So I was dumped by my ex a little over 2 months ago, (2 yr relationship) it felt outa the blue and based mostly on insecurities. But still not 100% sure why she did it. Anyhow I just recently emailed her to give her some of her stuff back that she left behind. Keep in mind I went NC the entire 2 months we've been broken up.

I emailed her, she was really responsive. I simply told her I'd drop the stuff off and pick my stuff up, and she insisted we do it in person instead, so I agreed.

We meet and she's all smiles, asking me how I'm doing, what Ive been up to, etc, etc. Said it's been a long time since we've seen each other, like she almost missed me. I ask her how she's doing and she says good, but her body language said otherwise.

Anyhow I pretty much gave her the cold shoulder when we met to exchange our stuff. Didn't really ask her much about herself, and answered most her questions really simply.

As we were completing the transaction, she began to ask me something and then caught herself, and basically said she'd let me go, and so I left.

anyhow I email her the next day saying I'm sorry for being cold hearted and that I just didn't know how to react around her, etc. and that I'd be open to talking again sometime if she really wanted to. and that I do still have feelings for her.

Well it's only been a few days since I wrote that followup email and she hasn't responded. Which I'm assuming means she isn't interested in ever seeing me again.

My question is why would she insist on seeing me to exchange our stuff, then be really nice ask me a bunch of questions about how I'm doing, and even though I was kinda cold, and then won't even respond to my last email saying I was sorry for being cold.

Not sure what sort of answer I expect to hear, I'm just confused. This girl hasn't done anything in these last 2 months to show me she even cares to talk to me, then I email her, she wants to see me in person and then that's it. Nothing again.

She's never been one to make any sort of first moves and even when I extend myself I get hot & cold responses.

Sorry I'm just venting today

Last edited by stoneymirror; 23rd January 2009 at 2:32 PM..
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Old 23rd January 2009, 7:04 PM   #2
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It is really hard to know exactly what she was thinking. Maybe she wanted to see if you still had feelings or if you would still be the "fall" guy.

You've told her you still have feelings and that is all you can do, but unfortunately for you it has now ripped open the wound that isn't healed and set you back.

I'm sorry you are hurting.
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Old 24th January 2009, 8:08 AM   #3
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Originally Posted by lonelygurl View Post
Maybe she wanted to see if you still had feelings
Or, she wanted to check if SHE still had feelings for you. (I've done that, in the past.)
Regardless, that she hasn't responded is her clear signal that she's done with the relationship, IMO.

You did really great going N/C for those first 2 months...hopefully it'll be even easier, this time. Cos that's what you gotta do.

Good luck with your recovery/healing...stay strong!
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Old 26th January 2009, 10:26 AM   #4
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Well she did reply back saying she was overwhelmed too with having seen me, and that she does want me in her life, would love to hang out and be a part of each others lives, but that she just wants to be friends. That's alright with me I guess, but I really don't know how you work that sort of thing without getting hurt.

I wrote back appologizing to her for the way I treated her and our relationship. I brought up a bunch of things that I could have done better and basically told her she deserved better. Not sure if that was the right move or not, but I wanted to let her know I'd been thinkin this whole time about the things I could have improved upon.

At this point I don't know how she'll respond. or if she'll respond. It's pretty heavy stuff, but I figured if we were to ever really be friends I'd have to be as honest with her as possible.
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Old 26th January 2009, 10:28 AM   #5
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I also wanted to say, since having contacted her I do feel like I've taken some major steps backwards in this recovery process. I'm debating why I'm even doing this. It like now I'm having to battle with these feelings all over again. It's got me on an emotional rollercoaster, and I don't want it affecting my new relationship. Ahhhhh
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Old 26th January 2009, 11:21 AM   #6
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Originally Posted by stoneymirror View Post
It's got me on an emotional rollercoaster, and I don't want it affecting my new relationship. Ahhhhh
It's unclear whether you are already seeing someone else -- if so, the stuff with your ex is ALREADY affecting any new relationship.

Sounds like you might be open to talks about a reconciliation? Maybe, possibly? If you learn that your ex might be, too, then you both can just take it from there.

If you are but she is not, then likely N/C would be your wiser option...at least until you are 100% sure that your heart is strong enough to hear about her new adventures in her new life with her new romantic interests.
That is tough at the best of times, and so much worse when one is pining for the other, but the other has no romantic interest at all.

(If reconciliation talks do proceed, maybe you'd each want to do the 'emotional needs' and 'love busters' questionnaires at marriagebuilders.com, with goal of finding out what was missing before, and if individual major needs can be met, and relationship problems dealt with more effectively in the future?)

Good luck. Hopefully she'll respond sooner than later, so that you're not stuck on your roller coaster for too long...that would suck!
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Old 26th January 2009, 12:43 PM   #7
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Well I did start dating a new girl a little over a month after my ex broke up with me, and I'm still dating her now. Not sure if the ex knows this or not.

Well I guess I'll just wait to see if she does reply to my last email where I appologized for being the way I was during the relationship. It's not that I was intentionally trying to be a bad boyfriend, I think I just took her for granted and lost site of what I needed to do to ensure her she was the love of my life.

I know my ex wants to be just friends, and would love to have me in her life, but I just don't understand what that really means. She told me she's never been so emotional with anyone like she was with me, and obviously there's always going to be those feelings, so is it even possible to be friends with an ex?

when she broke up with me she said she still loved me, don't know if that was the truth or not, but if someone breaks up with you out of frustration and insecurities can you really just go on together as friends without it messing you up? I don't know.
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