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Feeling Stuck


stoneymirror

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She broke up with me, it's been almost 2 months NC, which started on day one. The breakup wasn't and didn't feel 100% like it was something she wanted to do, rather a move out of frustration. Very wishy washy and basically left the door open a smidge. 2 yr relationship ended and I'm still wondering what the F happened...

 

I told myself I had to move on right away. I didn't know why the ex ended things out of the blue like she did. I know we had some issues, and she did say she was exhausted and just wanted to give up, but I guess I still find that hard to accept. For me love is worth many sacrafices and this past relationship I felt I would have done anything to make it work. Maybe I held on too tight. I don't know.

 

Here I am today, I've been dating a girl now for almost 4 wks, things are going great, I've never met anyone like her and we're so compatible, so why am I still thinking about the ex?

 

I loved her with all my heart and really saw myself marrying this girl. I know she has issues with committment, and the thought of movin in with one another was too much. Regardless I miss her love more than anything. I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one. I guess I just want some real closure, and I never got it. She said she'd call me in 2 months at the end of the breakup, which I just don't understand.

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She broke up with me, it's been almost 2 months NC, which started on day one. The breakup wasn't and didn't feel 100% like it wasn't something she wanted to do, rather a move out of frustration. Very wishy washy and basically left the door open a smidge. 2 yr relationship ended and I'm still wondering what the F happened...

 

I told myself I had to move on right away. I didn't know why the ex ended things out of the blue like she did. I know we had some issues, and she did say she was exhausted and just wanted to give up, but I guess I still find that hard to accept. For me love is worth many sacrafices and this past relationship I felt I would have done anything to make it work. Maybe I held on too tight. I don't know.

 

Here I am today, I've been dating a girl now for almost 4 wks, things are going great, I've never met anyone like her and we're so compatible, so why am I still thinking about the ex?

 

I loved her with all my heart and really saw myself marrying this girl. I know she has issues with committment, and the thought of movin in with one another was too much. Regardless I miss her love more than anything. I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one. I guess I just want some real closure, and I never got it. She said she'd call me in 2 months at the end of the breakup, which I just don't understand.

 

 

1.You are dating a new girl, it`s great,congratulations .

 

Why are you thinking of your ex? Its natural as the things between you were not worked out yet ..And the breakup was all of a sudden . . . So you still miss her .

Try to concentrate on your present gf and be happy .

 

2.The common idea of

I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one.

is a rather wrong one.

Calling her you do not look weak, you show this way you care for her and you are really in , this means you love her truly and she will weigh it really hard before giving you up .

Being afraid she would reject is a hard feelng , agree , but may be very helpful to get guts and let her know how much you care .Maybe this is what she needs like air .

 

 

___________________________________________

 

Pearl S. Buck:

I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.

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Fogot to mention this, but I know my ex knows I post on here. I've said some hurtful things obviously out of frustration. She's used this site against me in the past, and held me accountable for everything I had written in the past about our first breakup, part of me feels there's no winning here. I've been so frustrated and need to get my thoughts out to people who'll listen. I'm torn over trying to get over her and calling her every name in the book to justify me never wanting to go back, but then there's the side of me that I haven't posted on here, cause I don't want to look weak. and that's the guy who's still in love with her. and would do anything to protect her. Many of the awful feeling I've been cycling though have been used to move on, but weren't things I ever thought about while I was in the relationship.

 

don't know what I'm ranting about here, just still in love with someone who doesn't appear to want to be with me. This is an awful feeling.

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1.You are dating a new girl, it`s great,congratulations .

 

Why are you thinking of your ex? Its natural as the things between you were not worked out yet ..And the breakup was all of a sudden . . . So you still miss her .

Try to concentrate on your present gf and be happy .

 

2.The common idea of

I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one.

is a rather wrong one.

Calling her you do not look weak, you show this way you care for her and you are really in , this means you love her truly and she will weigh it really hard before giving you up .

Being afraid she would reject is a hard feelng , agree , but may be very helpful to get guts and let her know how much you care .Maybe this is what she needs like air .

 

 

Maybe I'll write her an email today. It's been 9 weeks or something and I've done nothing to reach out to her. It's hard being rejected and wanting to make the first move.

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Maybe I'll write her an email today. It's been 9 weeks or something and I've done nothing to reach out to her. It's hard being rejected and wanting to make the first move.

 

 

 

It`s very hard being rejected,I agree,

but every situation has its own reasons for acting this or that way .

 

Once in my childhood ,when I was reading about relationships (it was very fascinating for me to read of it:)) I met such a phrase :

 

"Dare to make the first step, you will be a million times happy afterwards ."

 

 

I just saw it proves to be true :)

 

________________________________________________________

 

Pearl S. Buck:

I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.

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this is what I came up with, I don't know

 

"just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing.

 

I feel awful about what happened... I think about you all the time. I miss your love so much. All I want is you.

 

I hope some day we can talk again. "

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so you suggest emailing her then? I don't even know what to say

 

 

Yes .

You lose nothing . You show your love and care for her .

This is her who will lose a loving person like you if does not respond you :) .

_____________________________________________

 

Frank Lloyd Wright:

The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.

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this is what I came up with, I don't know

 

"just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing.

 

I feel awful about what happened... I think about you all the time. I miss your love so much. All I want is you.

 

I hope some day we can talk again. "

 

 

Great!

 

 

You Lose nothing (saying once again) :)

You will Gain knowledge she is in love with you really or not :)

 

And then you may move on straight in the direction she will show you by her behavior . :love: (I hope ,she will show u love back):love:

 

 

 

____________________________________________

 

Frank Lloyd Wright:

The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.

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Stoney, you can give it a try.

But for god's sake, you gotta lose that whole sounding desperate thing :)

 

Just ask her how she's doing, tell her you'd like to talk and spend some time together and see how it goes from there. If you sound needy and desperate, she'll think you're emotional mess and will reject you instantly. That's how many people work.

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If you love her, there is nothing wrong with letting her know you still love her. I've read this simple, straightforward book that has helped me a lot through such rough times and in the improvement of myself and my life. We hear these things all the time, but never take it into account when put in such situations. It helps to read and re-read it so we actually start living by it. The book is called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

 

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

 

Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

 

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

 

Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.

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thanks for the advice surferdude, much appreciated

 

and just FYI: I'm not desperate, I've got a handful of girls right now knockin on my door.

 

but you're right I don't want to sound desperate, that's a huge turn off.

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and just FYI: I'm not desperate, I've got a handful of girls right now knockin on my door.

 

 

 

:cool: then how can you be desperate ? ;):)

we believe you are NOT

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I'm not desperate at all, I have a girl right now that wants to have my f-ing kids. Crazy, she's already head over heals for me. I love it.

 

but part of me is still wanting that ex's love. it was unlike anyone else's. I can't explain it.

 

Still pondering if I should write her an email or not. She's so good a making a wall to protect herself behind. Plus she has commitment issues and even if we did talk I don't know that we'd get past that.

 

Decisions, decisions.

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it's so hard to stop caring about someone. all I want to do is take her out and treat her nice, and be that price she fell in love with.

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I'm not desperate at all, I have a girl right now that wants to have my f-ing kids. Crazy, she's already head over heals for me. I love it.

 

but part of me is still wanting that ex's love. it was unlike anyone else's. I can't explain it.

 

Still pondering if I should write her an email or not. She's so good a making a wall to protect herself behind. Plus she has commitment issues and even if we did talk I don't know that we'd get past that.

 

Decisions, decisions.

 

 

Sorry for being late ... I was out.

actually you are not writing this only to me :) ,but i was the one who took an active part in your thread (The reasons you will know later on).

 

 

 

 

So you admit , you have a girl right now who wants your kids (kids from you),

and she is also committed to someone .

 

Ok.

Now you` making the case clearer .

 

If she breaks the relationship she is in,

will you break the relationship you are in ?

 

If she break her committment ,

will you break yours

or she will stay alone as broke up with him she has now ,

and you wont break up with her you have got now .

 

Who will gain from this ?

YOU . As you will have the girl who wants kids from you,

and youwill have her who loves you and you have feelings to her ,

so you will have two women,

while she will remain alone .

 

 

(As a female I am thinking as a female taking females` side.It`s natural ,I guess)

 

Maybe these are her fears she has , did not you think of it ?

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16 posts into this and no one has suggested that you break up with the new girl?

 

I feel really really badly for her. You are nowhere close to ready for a new relationship, yet you are letting someone get very emotionally attached to you...and you admit that you "love" it - love what, the attention? You don't love her, that's obvious enough.

 

You're using the new girl to distract you from your ex and to feel good about yourself because someone else wants you. Please stop. Let her go and get yourself together. Once you're back on your two feet again, THEN start looking for a new relationship. In this state of affairs you are only going to hurt her.

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Hi Stoney,

 

I can see your dilemma. I would recommend doing what's best for you. I hope you and the new girl are on good terms and she understands what you're going through.

 

I want to point out a few observations. You miss your ex and love her, yet you're dating other girls. Have you truly healed, or are you afraid to be alone? I remember you giving me advice about how I should date, date, date. It's different for other people, but if you've only been broken up for 2 months, don't you think you're rebounding? Are you giving this girl a proper chance to get into your heart, if you're still holding on to your ex?

 

You say you've got a handful of girls chasing after you. Does it really matter? You only want one girl. I think you need to take some time away from dating and collect your thoughts. You're struggling between grieving and trying to find a solution to that grieving. It's not weak to admit you love her. But, would it do you any good? Would she come back? Would you trust her? Would it instantly fix any damage that is done?

 

I think you still need time for yourself, you may always love her, but you're in NO emotional shape to be striking any conversation with her. Spend time to reflect on your own actions. If this new girl is so compatible with you, why are you still thinking about you ex? In all honesty, that's one of the reasons why I am staying away from dating. It seems like you are confused and lost.

 

Would you be okay if she told you horrible news? Finding somebody else? Being HAPPY without you? Until you can handle either of those news, don't break NC. Has she tried to contact you?

 

What happened to that I deserve better mentality? You need logic to come back in and reassess your current situation. Are you ready to move on? Ready to date? Ready to love again? Do you want to hurt the new girl?

 

Keep looking for answers, you'll find them one day.

 

My opinion, stick with NC. Until you're 100%. Until you're ready to hear she loves somebody else and not you.

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but part of me is still wanting that ex's love. it was unlike anyone else's. I can't explain it.

 

Still pondering if I should write her an email or not. She's so good a making a wall to protect herself behind. Plus she has commitment issues and even if we did talk I don't know that we'd get past that.

 

it's so hard to stop caring about someone. all I want to do is take her out and treat her nice, and be that price she fell in love with.

 

It's same with me bro. I spend time with many good looking girls, but I have problems connecting with them, I also don't feel like going out of my way for them. They are cool, but I don't see them as anything special.

 

Now, my ex was special for the same reason yours was, because we were both deeply in love with those women, we wanted to have freaking kids with them, we wanted to establish families with them. The connection was so deep, emotional and spiritual, it can't be described by words. Completely unlike these new things with some random girls.

 

When you love someone as much as your life, all you want is to have that person forever, to treat her right, to do everything for her, to give yourself completely to that special person. These things don't happen with these new chicks, I can't imagine doing much for them.

 

This is why true love is so special, it comes very rarely and it's so fragile. Many people mistake stupid crush and infatuation for love, but hey at least we know we felt the real thing and that we're capable of it.

Lord Tennyson summed it up nicely:

 

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.

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Thanks for the help guys. I just think I hit a slump today, cause I've gone a few weeks now without even thinking about the ex, and for some reason she popped back into my head again.

 

I understand I'm not going to completely forget about the ex until I can fully move on with my life. So that's what I'm doing. Even if I waited for a yr, I'm sure I'd think about the ex with a new girl. Hell I've got gf's from years ago that I still think about some times.

 

And do I want the ex back. That's the real question. And I've been telling myself no for a long time now. I guess after you get past the hurt and grieving you come back to only the good thoughts. And this is why I caved into thinking about her again today.

 

I don't think you need to feel sorry for the new girl. I'm becoming very attached to her, and it's already on the fringes of being something serious. And that's probably another reason as to why I'm thinkin about the ex a little more right now. It feels like I'm closing a chapter of my life that I didn't read the last couple of pages.

 

Things ended between us on such a wishy washy note, I did nothing to try and win her back and went NC the whole time. I'm now at a point where I'm ready to start loving someone again, but I still wonder if I should have done something to reconsile the old relationship.

 

sorry this is so confusing, but when things are left unanswered, it's hard to walk away without thinking from time to time, what if I did this... etc.

 

And do I want to be with the ex, I really don't know anymore. I see a huge uphill battle if we were to ever reconcile with one another. I don't even know if I could trust her after having been dropped like a bad habit. I know I shouldn't even consider gettin back with her, but again it's tough to walk away from something that just didn't settle right. No conclusion really. Still wondering what her true feelings are/were...

 

My new girl knows I'm coming out of a longterm relationship, I made that clear to her right away. I'm not the sort of person who uses people for my good. Basically I wanted to get out there and date some girls and find someone who actually wanted to be with me. I never expected I'd meet this new girl and have so much in common with her. I am falling for her, and I really can't justify ever getting back with the ex. I guess I'm just torn cause I know this new girl definately wants to be with me, but if my ex also wanted to be with me, it almost feels like I'm a jerk for just walking away.

 

In either case, I probably won't email or contact the ex. I really like this new girl and love spending time with her, and see a future for us. I wouldn't dump her for my ex, cause it wouldn't be worth it. I see something really good here with this new girl and going back to someone who had doubts being with me would be like taking 2 steps backwards.

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Sorry for being late ... I was out.

actually you are not writing this only to me :) ,but i was the one who took an active part in your thread (The reasons you will know later on).

 

What does this mean? Elaborate or PM if you like.

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Thanks for the help guys. I just think I hit a slump today, cause I've gone a few weeks now without even thinking about the ex, and for some reason she popped back into my head again.

 

I understand I'm not going to completely forget about the ex until I can fully move on with my life. So that's what I'm doing. Even if I waited for a yr, I'm sure I'd think about the ex with a new girl. Hell I've got gf's from years ago that I still think about some times.

 

And do I want the ex back. That's the real question. And I've been telling myself no for a long time now. I guess after you get past the hurt and grieving you come back to only the good thoughts. And this is why I caved into thinking about her again today.

 

I don't think you need to feel sorry for the new girl. I'm becoming very attached to her, and it's already on the fringes of being something serious. And that's probably another reason as to why I'm thinkin about the ex a little more right now. It feels like I'm closing a chapter of my life that I didn't read the last couple of pages.

 

Things ended between us on such a wishy washy note, I did nothing to try and win her back and went NC the whole time. I'm now at a point where I'm ready to start loving someone again, but I still wonder if I should have done something to reconsile the old relationship.

 

sorry this is so confusing, but when things are left unanswered, it's hard to walk away without thinking from time to time, what if I did this... etc.

 

And do I want to be with the ex, I really don't know anymore. I see a huge uphill battle if we were to ever reconcile with one another. I don't even know if I could trust her after having been dropped like a bad habit. I know I shouldn't even consider gettin back with her, but again it's tough to walk away from something that just didn't settle right. No conclusion really. Still wondering what her true feelings are/were...

 

My new girl knows I'm coming out of a longterm relationship, I made that clear to her right away. I'm not the sort of person who uses people for my good. Basically I wanted to get out there and date some girls and find someone who actually wanted to be with me. I never expected I'd meet this new girl and have so much in common with her. I am falling for her, and I really can't justify ever getting back with the ex. I guess I'm just torn cause I know this new girl definately wants to be with me, but if my ex also wanted to be with me, it almost feels like I'm a jerk for just walking away.

 

In either case, I probably won't email or contact the ex. I really like this new girl and love spending time with her, and see a future for us. I wouldn't dump her for my ex, cause it wouldn't be worth it. I see something really good here with this new girl and going back to someone who had doubts being with me would be like taking 2 steps backwards.

 

Congratulations that you have made your mind so wise !

 

You see how much this site helps to catch the right thoughts .

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Congratulations that you have made your mind so wise !

 

You see how much this site helps to catch the right thoughts .

 

 

Yeah I'm just human, we tend to have these emotional road bumps from time to time.

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So i did txt her. just wishin merry xmas and how ur doing, would like to talk someday.

 

got nothing back. its sad to think she doesn't want any contact with me. what did i do to deserve to b treated so poorly? well she threw our love away like its something u can find anywhere. so selfish. someday she'll regret being such an idiot.

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So i did txt her. just wishin merry xmas and how ur doing, would like to talk someday.

 

got nothing back. its sad to think she doesn't want any contact with me. what did i do to deserve to b treated so poorly? well she threw our love away like its something u can find anywhere. so selfish. someday she'll regret being such an idiot.

 

You'll most likely get nothing back. She is probably with someone else now, she has absolutely no reason to establish contact with you. And if she did, it would only reinforce her sense of guilt for dumping you (let's face it, all dumpers feel guilty deep inside, they just hide it well).

 

I'm not going to send anything to my ex. In spite of still loving her (you never stop loving someone, true love is unconditional), she doesn't need to get my text or email. It would change nothing. She should enjoy what she has now and there's absolutely no reason to establish contact.

 

Yes your ex threw away your love. My ex did too. It's hard to believe and impossible to understand. Acceptance is the only way to get closure. Hang in there man, you'll be fine.

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