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Feeling Stuck


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Old 23rd December 2008, 11:46 AM   #1
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Feeling Stuck

She broke up with me, it's been almost 2 months NC, which started on day one. The breakup wasn't and didn't feel 100% like it was something she wanted to do, rather a move out of frustration. Very wishy washy and basically left the door open a smidge. 2 yr relationship ended and I'm still wondering what the F happened...

I told myself I had to move on right away. I didn't know why the ex ended things out of the blue like she did. I know we had some issues, and she did say she was exhausted and just wanted to give up, but I guess I still find that hard to accept. For me love is worth many sacrafices and this past relationship I felt I would have done anything to make it work. Maybe I held on too tight. I don't know.

Here I am today, I've been dating a girl now for almost 4 wks, things are going great, I've never met anyone like her and we're so compatible, so why am I still thinking about the ex?

I loved her with all my heart and really saw myself marrying this girl. I know she has issues with committment, and the thought of movin in with one another was too much. Regardless I miss her love more than anything. I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one. I guess I just want some real closure, and I never got it. She said she'd call me in 2 months at the end of the breakup, which I just don't understand.

Last edited by stoneymirror; 23rd December 2008 at 11:54 AM..
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Old 23rd December 2008, 11:59 AM   #2
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Originally Posted by stoneymirror View Post
She broke up with me, it's been almost 2 months NC, which started on day one. The breakup wasn't and didn't feel 100% like it wasn't something she wanted to do, rather a move out of frustration. Very wishy washy and basically left the door open a smidge. 2 yr relationship ended and I'm still wondering what the F happened...

I told myself I had to move on right away. I didn't know why the ex ended things out of the blue like she did. I know we had some issues, and she did say she was exhausted and just wanted to give up, but I guess I still find that hard to accept. For me love is worth many sacrafices and this past relationship I felt I would have done anything to make it work. Maybe I held on too tight. I don't know.

Here I am today, I've been dating a girl now for almost 4 wks, things are going great, I've never met anyone like her and we're so compatible, so why am I still thinking about the ex?

I loved her with all my heart and really saw myself marrying this girl. I know she has issues with committment, and the thought of movin in with one another was too much. Regardless I miss her love more than anything. I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one. I guess I just want some real closure, and I never got it. She said she'd call me in 2 months at the end of the breakup, which I just don't understand.

1.You are dating a new girl, it`s great,congratulations .

Why are you thinking of your ex? Its natural as the things between you were not worked out yet ..And the breakup was all of a sudden . . . So you still miss her .
Try to concentrate on your present gf and be happy .

2.The common idea of
I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one.
is a rather wrong one.
Calling her you do not look weak, you show this way you care for her and you are really in , this means you love her truly and she will weigh it really hard before giving you up .
Being afraid she would reject is a hard feelng , agree , but may be very helpful to get guts and let her know how much you care .Maybe this is what she needs like air .


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I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:04 PM   #3
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Fogot to mention this, but I know my ex knows I post on here. I've said some hurtful things obviously out of frustration. She's used this site against me in the past, and held me accountable for everything I had written in the past about our first breakup, part of me feels there's no winning here. I've been so frustrated and need to get my thoughts out to people who'll listen. I'm torn over trying to get over her and calling her every name in the book to justify me never wanting to go back, but then there's the side of me that I haven't posted on here, cause I don't want to look weak. and that's the guy who's still in love with her. and would do anything to protect her. Many of the awful feeling I've been cycling though have been used to move on, but weren't things I ever thought about while I was in the relationship.

don't know what I'm ranting about here, just still in love with someone who doesn't appear to want to be with me. This is an awful feeling.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:07 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by Adri Ana View Post
1.You are dating a new girl, it`s great,congratulations .

Why are you thinking of your ex? Its natural as the things between you were not worked out yet ..And the breakup was all of a sudden . . . So you still miss her .
Try to concentrate on your present gf and be happy .

2.The common idea of
I want to call her so bad and tell her I love her, but I'm utterly afraid I'd look weak and she'd just reject me again, and I'd be back to square one.
is a rather wrong one.
Calling her you do not look weak, you show this way you care for her and you are really in , this means you love her truly and she will weigh it really hard before giving you up .
Being afraid she would reject is a hard feelng , agree , but may be very helpful to get guts and let her know how much you care .Maybe this is what she needs like air .

Maybe I'll write her an email today. It's been 9 weeks or something and I've done nothing to reach out to her. It's hard being rejected and wanting to make the first move.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:12 PM   #5
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Maybe I'll write her an email today. It's been 9 weeks or something and I've done nothing to reach out to her. It's hard being rejected and wanting to make the first move.


It`s very hard being rejected,I agree,
but every situation has its own reasons for acting this or that way .

Once in my childhood ,when I was reading about relationships (it was very fascinating for me to read of it) I met such a phrase :

"Dare to make the first step, you will be a million times happy afterwards ."


I just saw it proves to be true

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I love people. I love my family, my children . . . but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:26 PM   #6
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so you suggest emailing her then? I don't even know what to say
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:31 PM   #7
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this is what I came up with, I don't know

"just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing.

I feel awful about what happened... I think about you all the time. I miss your love so much. All I want is you.

I hope some day we can talk again. "
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:31 PM   #8
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so you suggest emailing her then? I don't even know what to say

Yes .
You lose nothing . You show your love and care for her .
This is her who will lose a loving person like you if does not respond you .
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The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:35 PM   #9
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this is what I came up with, I don't know

"just wanted to say hi and see how you're doing.

I feel awful about what happened... I think about you all the time. I miss your love so much. All I want is you.

I hope some day we can talk again. "

Great!


You Lose nothing (saying once again)
You will Gain knowledge she is in love with you really or not

And then you may move on straight in the direction she will show you by her behavior . (I hope ,she will show u love back)



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Old 23rd December 2008, 12:51 PM   #10
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Stoney, you can give it a try.
But for god's sake, you gotta lose that whole sounding desperate thing

Just ask her how she's doing, tell her you'd like to talk and spend some time together and see how it goes from there. If you sound needy and desperate, she'll think you're emotional mess and will reject you instantly. That's how many people work.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 1:02 PM   #11
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If you love her, there is nothing wrong with letting her know you still love her. I've read this simple, straightforward book that has helped me a lot through such rough times and in the improvement of myself and my life. We hear these things all the time, but never take it into account when put in such situations. It helps to read and re-read it so we actually start living by it. The book is called "The Four Agreements" by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Be Impeccable With Your Word: Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or to gossip about others. Use the power of your word in the direction of truth and love.

Don't Take Anything Personally: Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won't be the victim of needless suffering.

Don't Make Assumptions: Find the courage to ask questions and to express what you really want. Communicate with others as clearly as you can to avoid misunderstandings, sadness, and drama. With just this one agreement, you can completely transform your life.

Always Do Your Best: Your best is going to change from moment to moment; it will be different when you are healthy as opposed to sick. Under any circumstance, simply do your best, and you will avoid self-judgment, self-abuse, and regret.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 1:05 PM   #12
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thanks for the advice surferdude, much appreciated

and just FYI: I'm not desperate, I've got a handful of girls right now knockin on my door.

but you're right I don't want to sound desperate, that's a huge turn off.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 1:09 PM   #13
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and just FYI: I'm not desperate, I've got a handful of girls right now knockin on my door.


then how can you be desperate ?
we believe you are NOT
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Old 23rd December 2008, 1:22 PM   #14
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I'm not desperate at all, I have a girl right now that wants to have my f-ing kids. Crazy, she's already head over heals for me. I love it.

but part of me is still wanting that ex's love. it was unlike anyone else's. I can't explain it.

Still pondering if I should write her an email or not. She's so good a making a wall to protect herself behind. Plus she has commitment issues and even if we did talk I don't know that we'd get past that.

Decisions, decisions.
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Old 23rd December 2008, 1:32 PM   #15
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it's so hard to stop caring about someone. all I want to do is take her out and treat her nice, and be that price she fell in love with.
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