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Q: If ex doesn"t want to be with you. why do they want to stay in touch?


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Old 27th November 2008, 1:04 PM   #1
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Q: If ex doesn"t want to be with you. why do they want to stay in touch?

I'm just curious? If your ex does not want to be with you, why do they still want to keep in touch? I dont believe everybody's ex is just a mean jerk so I want to hear from some of you what your experience was.

My Ex husband - I wanted to be friends cause I was over him and I did not want him back. He was bitter and mean and did not want to be friends at first. He messed up the marriage so I move on with someone else.

How about you
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Old 27th November 2008, 1:09 PM   #2
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if the dumper wants to stay friends its usually a power/control thing. if the dumpee wants to stay friends its usually in the hope of getting back together.

there are exceptions especially when kids are involved...
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Old 27th November 2008, 1:16 PM   #3
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Eases their guilt, hey I smashed your heart but we can still be friends. As well me and my ex were each other best friends so I guess she wanted to keep mr around as during our relationship I always listned and helped her with her problems.

In the end it's a croak of sh$&, I tried being friends but when I called her she suddenly had to go, I couldn't see her and she kept disrespecting me. I went nc in 67 days so far all I got is a half assed text MSG. If I didn't hear from my friend in over two months at least I'd give a call to see if their alive.

The whole friends business is a piece of crap
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Old 27th November 2008, 1:36 PM   #4
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I posted my opinion in some other thread, but I'm gonna paste it here once again if nobody minds.
---------------------------

There are several reasons why a dumper would want to stay in touch:

  1. To alleviate his/her sense of guilt. When you spent considerable amount of time with someone, just dumping them with no remorse isn't easy (although some do that too), so they think they're gonna make both you and themselves feel better if they stay in touch.
  2. For convenience. This is what my ex did to me, she kept me around for any kind of help she needed and used me whenever she needed me. God forbid she'd ever ask how I was, I was contacted only when she though she could gain something from it.
  3. To tell you about their new lovers and rub it in your face. Yes this one is pretty uncommon but it does happen. Happened to me and a few other people on this forum.
The one who got dumped stays in touch because they are afraid of losing their beloved person, they are afraid of letting go and there is always a small amount of hope living inside a person's heart.
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Old 27th November 2008, 1:42 PM   #5
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 9Lives View Post
I'm just curious? If your ex does not want to be with you, why do they still want to keep in touch? I dont believe everybody's ex is just a mean jerk so I want to hear from some of you what your experience was.

My Ex husband - I wanted to be friends cause I was over him and I did not want him back. He was bitter and mean and did not want to be friends at first. He messed up the marriage so I move on with someone else.

How about you
I'd imagine its to keep things on a positive note, despite the inability to get along as a couple. However, this is my personal bias - it could be for a number of reasons?
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Old 27th November 2008, 6:02 PM   #6
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for me as the dumper, i ended it because we both knew he wasn't ready for all that being in a r/ship brings. so there was no lack of love, we tried to stay friends because of that.

but this is not a perfect world and when you separate people change, both of you. its not realistic to maintain a healthy friendship, where there is too much history involved.

although sometimes i really do wish it was possible, it is such a shame, as despite not being in love, i do love him very much even still. (even if he does push every angry button ive got! lol)
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