Not coping. feeling rubbish, feeling drained.

[MrEELB]

I am slowly feeling weaker each day, rather than getting to a stage when I can hold my head up high knowing I am moving on.

 

As my story goes, 3 months ago I finished with my ex of 11 years, we had a very rocky relationship and whilst it was a rocky one, now I feel at an all time low in life.

My friends have been great and in a space of 3 months I have had 2 holidays one here in the uk and went to Lanzerote. I have been out to some great places and my friends have tried to keep me as busy as possible. I couldnt ask for a better bunch of mates to be fair to them.

However, NO matter what I am doing, there she is in my head. The thoughts of her and her new man eating away in my head. Whether its when i wake up or when I go to bed, or at 3 in the morning when i get awoken by a noise or something.

 

I cannot forget the girl I met at school, Its one of the toughest times in life and perhaps I can now admit, I really dont feel I am coping with the feelings.

I am staying at my mums as at my house, its full of her stuff. She is living with her sister or new fella but has left all of her belongings at our house. i know this sounds pathetic but being at home around her things makes me feel terrible.

 

I dont have answers to the million questions I create in my head every day about our relationship. I dont even want her back as she was a very nasty piece of work.

I miss our good ways. I miss the company and most of all I miss being part of some thing that used to be good but turned s*it.

[ed-205]

The first thing you need to do is pack-up *all* her stuff, and either ship it back to her, or donate it to a Charity. If she hasn't arranged to get it in 3 months, she has essentially abandoned it, and you certainly don't need it laying around to remind you of her. Get rid of it.

After 11 years, you've developed a sort of "synaptic" memory, meaning your brain simply expects to see her out of habit, and it will take time to work your way through that. One way to encourage the healing process is to change your lifestyle somewhat. Rearrange the furniture in your house, paint the walls a different color (colour?), start enjoying some new activities in your life. What you want to do is change the familiar things in your life that trigger those synaptic memories, and eventually you will stop thinking about her so much.

[MrEELB]

Friends have said I should think about doings the exact same with her stuff. It makes it hard as all she took was her cloths. Every thing has been left and alot of it were things that made "Us" Us. Which I guess is why they have been left so she does not need to think about things related to our relationship.

[Sysyphus28]

After 11 years, it is probably ridiculously hard to try and move on. I can't imagine, I don't want to. I'll try my best to give you advice(the same stuff that you have been getting from friends and fam) but it is true, and eventually it makes sense. It won't even make sense right now!! The truth and reality of the breakup is looking you in the face(and all you see is thier face, memory....etc).

I feel like S*&^ too, and it was only two years!

Trust this, they havn't forgotten about you. And sometimes good things turn to S&*^. That's life. It is. We change in 3 months, we change in 2 years, we def change in 11. We are human. I have diving into my own head and trying to break the news to myself. "NEWSFLASH" this "thing" I had with this person.....this unique love, or one of a kind connection.........its over!!! This connection is over!! And as loud as I scream it, I feel attached and horrible.

First of all, people all over the world are handling heartbreak, and post relationship depression, and are "getting over" all sorts of obstacles. People are getting over loss everywhere, because someone is always losing.

Get her stuff packed up...ship it to her, give it to her friend. You said yourself it turned to S&^*, and it probably did.........just wait until you met someone new. Maybe a vacation or some travelling(alone) would be good.

This feeling is almost unbearable, I know. Here is the good thing...you are not an isolated case. Your not alone in anything.

Fill you heart up with music, or a good book. Take an intellectual standpoint and look in from the outside. Your life is yours to control, and so are your emotions.