braddD Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 Okay...I may aswell tell you all the truth about this...My identity isn't shown whatsoever so I'm gonna give it to you people no-holds barred...may aswell tell somebody ey? It started a good 3 and half years ago...In the last few months of school I met a lass...all the "normal" getting to know her began and then it grew into a relationship...but I'll admit the relationship wasn't very sexual but instead was INSANELY emotional and within a few months we practically knew eachothers past...although there was a catch...I had a bad past with family issues and she practically made me open up to her about everything...this made me think that she WANTED to know and WANTED to be there...then BANG the worst occurs...she one day tells me that she thinks im "obsessed" and that she doesn't feel "comfortable around me" anymore...although she would be quite happy to still keep in contact online...so i thought hey "fair does...i'll win her back"...but as your going to read soon...maybe i am obsessed but little did i know at the time i was seeing her that things started to un-ravel about her REAL intentions during our short relationship...it was basically a "Pity" thing...she said she felt "sorry for me" and wanted to make me feel better about myself but couldnt handle it so she backed off..this is where things messed up personally..with her saying that i thought to myself "If the girl i love and show all the best i have too shows big sympathy and a sort of pity towards me...what good am i going to be to a new partner"...i didnt think THAT at the time but i believe this is where things got abit strange. From here on i spent that first year AND THIS IS NO LIE...this was my LIFE for 1 year... I'd wake up (if i had college i would SOMETIMES go) go downstairs eat and turn the computer on Sign on Msn wait around for her to come on talk to her and stuff then when she'd go to bed i'd sign off and do the same...though this normally ended up in tears and staying up very late on my own i did this for a while and eventually i had become a nobody to my old friends...everything came down to HER...yeah she treat me like crap sometimes but others she'd consider maybe trying again sometimes...this is what kept me goin...although for all that year she met me ONCE... The time she met me i was probably at my worst...physically, emotionally and i didn't particulary want to go out that night but i did...she had a friend there and i overhear her whisper "see what did i tell ya...well obsessed isnt he"..this made my self esteem a whole lot worse and i just walked off.... year 2...she obviously apaologized for the other things ebfore and around this time i started to go out around my town on nights out to meet new people and WHAM ...4 months in i meet a NEW GIRL! but then i learn a lesson...some women are emotion "slags" and some are sexual "slags"..this one was a sexual "slag" shall we say...BIG MISTAKE...but i have 1 regret...i never told her about my past with my ex and how i still havent let go..well worst come to worst with this new girl and the age gap was too much as i was too young for her and she moved on...where as...I went back to my isolated, dillusional and fantasy world that i have created in my little bedroom...again..i went back to my old routine ^^^^^ with my ex only this time i became alot more depressed and "empty" feeling, i didnt really open up to her much this time and i tryed my best to just act normal instead of talking so much...though little did she know i was still the same person i was the year before sat there waiting for something...you can believe me or not but that year i attempted suicide twice...i tryed hanging myself but the rail broke and i taken 40 of my dads painkiller meds...none of these worked...and nobody knows/will ever know about these in my lifetime..the reason was loneliness...how can somebody willingly talk to me over the internet daily...knowing that were both alone...both getting on so well but all along im NOT ALLOWED to see her... the routine carried on for the rest of that year...and that summer... i went back to going out and the worst thing happened...i bumped into HER on a nightout...first thing she does isGRAB ME and cuddle me for literally 2 minutes (:s:s:s:s:s:s:s:s:s:s:s) then we have a chat...she tells me shes REALLY SORRY and that "we should get together again becuase ive missed you"..felt like my world had just changed again...i felt VERY happy...we exchanged numbers once again and the next day i felt happy as i'd ever been...i texted her and what happens...she texts back "hi, whos this?"...............ater explaining to her she comes out with some excuse so i call it quits.... again it all happens again..although now my internet connection is lost so from here on I'd copy and paste pictures of her from internet networking sites and take em home so i would have some pictures if i wanted to see her. i could of gotten another girlriend...BUT NO LIE...I SIMPLY CANNOT THINK ABOUT ANYBODY ELSE BUT HER..ANYTIME I TALK TO A GIRL I HAVE NO INTEREST IN HER AT ALL BECAUSE MY HEART IS SOMEWHERE IS. so about halfway through the 2nd year i decided this was it...i were going to "do it properly" this time...only this time i HAD her number and could get answers beforegoing...i decided to take 30 painkillers...and planned on doing more later...i rang her and pured my heart outbig time....we talked for a few hours and i was a drunken mess and she was sober...all i got was wat i'd been told over the last year...she hung up and i took a few more painkillers (though i promised her i wouldnt) and again...i woke up. From there on i changed a little...i apologized to her a few months later via online and she said it was perfectly okay...she says she "****ed me up" and that i didnt have to worry about it...by this time my love had tunred to resntment in a way...i began making nasty remarks and eventually i broke off the contact (for my own good)...this was about 8 months ago...I havent touched a girl since her...the last hug i had was the time i saw her in the nightclub...i dont go anywhere anymore...i stare at photos she posts on networking sites and i'm just a mess basically... though im not AS daft as you probably think...in a month (im 18 now) i am moving outta this county and starting a new lifeat university...i hope all goes well :/ but why did i react to this situation like i did... and why did she react how she did? i still love her ALOT. am i obsessed? I'll be honest...i havent slept in a good day and half. Link to post Share on other sites
sultry33 Posted August 22, 2008 Share Posted August 22, 2008 that is so sad and your sooo young.. Believe me things will get way better.. starting a new life an all you will meet people.. male/female and you will make good friends.. your life is just beginning .. see this as a learning process.. never trust anyone with your deep side until you know them well enough.. we all hurt but this girl was not worthy of you .. and trust me you will realise it one day.. its great you came here to share.. and just doing that is a good step.. a new start is a better one. please get checked out by a doctor as pain killers can do internal damage even if you feel ok.. please do this. my son was very depressed during his teenage years due to a very bad experience and he too tried to hang himself.. hurt himself took 100s of tablets more than once.. i still to this day remember the doctor telling me that although he looked ok he could die in the next couple of days it would be slow.. luckily he didnt.. he went to a unit who watched him.. suicide watch 24/7.. i was with him every day but no matter what he was still depressed.. i dreaded every day now he is 20.. he is great i mean than 100%.. he turned to god.. im not a believer but after that and therapy he now is 100%.. he is a good looking caring sensitive.. funny guy.. has a beautiful french gf whom he is going to propose to.. he has a great job in the travel industry so goes all over the world.. he has it all now:bunny: and to think less than 5 years ago he was being gassed by police so they could get him out to get medical assistance:eek: live your life... as believe me it will get better.. hugs to you x my email is [email protected] add me if you ever want to talk:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author braddD Posted August 23, 2008 Author Share Posted August 23, 2008 ahh welll thgats good to hear about your son moving on. I've moved on from here...I just thought I'd give some people on here abit of an insight on going overboard on somebody...I handled her WAY wrong after finishing with her.... if you don't cope right...you can be where you are for a VERY long time.... now roll on uni... Link to post Share on other sites
vivrantflo Posted August 23, 2008 Share Posted August 23, 2008 God is watching over you for sure.. You tried suicide twice and both attempts failed... what if you succeeded? You wouldnt be going to school, and your ex would STILL be living her life. Thank goodness you're getting better, cause killing yourself over a woman is the most STUPID thing I've ever heard of. You will look back at your story and laugh, cause the positive life changing experiences you're about to have at university are going to blow your mind. You will meet a woman that will want you, just as much as you want her, and you'll be happy again.. trust me. Your ex is gone for good, so try to forget about her, and move on with the great life you're about to have Link to post Share on other sites
sid3 Posted August 23, 2008 Share Posted August 23, 2008 Yeah V is right. But who's to say when you do meet the next girl the same thing isn't going to happen? You are! You are the only person that can make those changes. I hope you do. It sounds like this fresh start is exactly what you need. You are so lucky to even be reading this. Everyday above ground is a gift for you(all of us!) It's easy for everyone to say, but you WILL look back on this girl and think WTF was I thinking. If you ever find yourself having the same issues from the past, ask for help. Get some good advice. While it's more than likely you'll have your heart broken a time or two throughout your life, it will make it somewhat easier if you know your never alone. Life can be cruel, hold out for better times though, you'll appreciate them that much more..good luck at uni Link to post Share on other sites
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