Appear to have moved on but....

[v33]

...I still have this strange preoccupation with my ex. I think of the things she did to me (cheating twice, emotional abuse, neglect, lies) almost on a daily basis still. I don't feel sad, I don't miss her, but damn it still makes me angry when I think of what a fool she made of me and the crap I put up with for years, her alcoholism, depression, sexual and emotional issues, etc.

 

The predominant thought is "Man, did she really screw me over." And it pisses me off. I've been through all the "recovery" steps, gym, health, social life, hobbies, reflection, hell I am even seriously involved with a WONDERFUL woman now but I can't stop these thoughts and the accompanying feelings.

 

So, what do I do? I want her out of my head, and for good. I don't want to be angry or resentful, I want to not care about the things she did. At all, but these thoughts aren't ripples on the sea of my mind, they are still waves.

[Trialbyfire]

You might want to consider some individual counseling. Even though I didn't believe in it previous to coming to LS, after reading all the good it did for other members such as wwiu, I bit the bullet. It was worth every penny.

 

Just make sure you find the most compatible therapist, don't be afraid to ask questions or set your boundaries and don't expect it to be a miracle cure. It's a way to help create coping tools which you then have to apply consistently.

[v33]

Thanks for the response and suggestion. I'll think about it. I feel less bothered by the whole thing each day that goes by. I suppose it hasn't been that long, 3 months (a little over) since a 4+ year R ended.

 

I figured that when I stopped wanting to see her or call her, stopped missing her that would be the end of it, and I am glad I don't have those feelings anymore, but I still feel betrayed, wronged. Oh well, it's a fact of life that people are going to get under your skin from time to time... I need to thicken mine up.

[kizik]

There's nothing unusual at all about still being angry. I get pissed from time to time about how my ex ex treated me, and that was over 5 years ago. You're doing amazing, I wouldn't worry about having occasional flashes of anger.

[Trialbyfire]

cheating twice, emotional abuse, neglect, lies

This is what concerns me. It's quite a load to carry on your own.

[v33]

Ya, I mean it is a lot to deal with, but I wasn't shy about letting it out when it was all fresh.

 

I mean, I am not gripped by rage or anything, it just makes me a little grumpy when I flash back to some of the things that I learned happened.

 

I am blessed to have great friends who are still willing to lend an ear and a partner that has been through similar things no too long ago.

 

Thanks for the words of encouragement and advice. And yes, I am doing amazing all things considered and as I said before : each day is always better than the last. What I feel now in regards to the "incident" is 1/100th of what I felt a month ago.

 

I have lots of great things going on to keep me distracted, but a couple months back even if I was busy I would still be polarized on what happened. Now I can actually just enjoy my activities and experiences for what they are without that whole thing gnawing away at the back of my mind. I must admit though, at times when I am not busy is when I am most vulnerable.

[orangehose]

v33, you're having a natural response to a major betrayal. 3 months is still pretty fresh for a 4 year relationship.

 

And to a certain extent, you may still feel annoyed thinking about it years and years later. It doesn't mean you're not 'over' it. I mean, the Holocaust is going to be sad to think about no matter how many years pass. Similarly, on a smaller scale, our own personal tragedies and the mistreatment we've endured will provoke some level of emotion when we mull over those memories, even years later.

[tealeafbud]

personally, I am wondering why my ex hasn't sought professional help. she actually told me that she did see a therapist a few times to help get over me, but she quit seeing him. (when I left her, it basically blindsided her and it was very unexpected).

 

What happened is that she got involved in a relationship which quickly led to basically living together. And I'm talking a matter of days probably.

 

We have talked relatively recently, and it concerns me that she is using the relationship as her own "therapy" to get over me. But to each his/her own. It is also my opinion that she isn't over me yet.

 

I'm almost over her and getting on with my life, but to be honest, I just want indifference at this point. I don't want to even be "concerned" for her.

[AnLandy]

...I still have this strange preoccupation with my ex. I think of the things she did to me (cheating twice, emotional abuse, neglect, lies) almost on a daily basis still. I don't feel sad, I don't miss her, but damn it still makes me angry when I think of what a fool she made of me and the crap I put up with for years, her alcoholism, depression, sexual and emotional issues, etc.

 

The predominant thought is "Man, did she really screw me over." And it pisses me off. I've been through all the "recovery" steps, gym, health, social life, hobbies, reflection, hell I am even seriously involved with a WONDERFUL woman now but I can't stop these thoughts and the accompanying feelings.

 

So, what do I do? I want her out of my head, and for good. I don't want to be angry or resentful, I want to not care about the things she did. At all, but these thoughts aren't ripples on the sea of my mind, they are still waves.

 

Have you ever heard about a program called The More to Life Center? They are located all over the country, and they have a reeally good weekend long program that is great for dumping resentments and learning how to keep doing it on your own. Seriously, I was able to let go of the rage and resentment stemming from a sexual assault, after years of carying it around.