Ex of six years, pregnant already :(

[Unnamed]

I split up with my ex last August - we had been together six years, the last two of those I had been working away and could only come back at weekends.

 

We started to drift apart at xmas after an old friend told her that during the first year I kissed and nearly slept with another girl - something which I'd always denied. I was drunk, realised my mistake and left - I hoped it would never come up.

 

I tried hard to make it work. I was exhausted and in tears as she seemed so distant and kept saying "show me I can trust you" - I started to begrudge putting in so much effort for nothing in return and we hadn't slept together in months.

 

Along with being stressed at work I came home but put off seeing her as I needed time to myself. One day on MSN she thought I had cheated on her with someone at work, she couldn't trust me and that was that.

 

After a couple of weeks of no contact where I thought she would at least try and contact me I asked a mutual friend if I should call her. He said it wasn't a good idea as he saw her holding hands with another guy. I phoned her up and had it out with her and sure enough she had been seeing someone else.

 

This broke my heart and for months I was sure it was just a phase - I cut off all contact with her, but occasionally saw her about. She would always ask about me and ask friends why I had blocked her.

 

Anyway - I have recently found out that she is seven months pregnant with this guy's baby and to be honest I am heartbroken. She was the love of my life and I knew she wanted kids and to settle down so badly. I only took the job in the city so I could provide her with the life she deserved.

 

When we split up I changed completely, went to the gym and sorted myself out and made arrangements to come home - I even have myself a new girlfriend but I still beat myself up every day over what I lost - she was so beautiful.

 

I just guess I'm finding it harder as it goes along rather than easier. I think I could cope knowing she has someone else but this pregnancy is too much...

 

I just want this to go away but am not dealing with it at all