Found out he lied the whole time.

[MsCrazy]

I broke up with my BF about 3 weeks ago, because I fell out of love from the constant fighting and verbal abuse. But yesterday I just got curious and looked at his phone records online.... I know his password.

 

I have never done that before, but when I looked he had been talking to an EXGF of his the whole 3 YEARS we were together. He would call her on wed nights usually at 1:30am when I don't see him about 2-3 times a month!

 

Sometimes he called her and then me. I know they don't see eachother became she lives 1000+ miles away but I can't stand the lying.

 

Since I have seen that I have been extremely upset. I mean what is the point of them talking? He was planning on moving in with me right before the break-up what was he planning on doing then?

 

I was suspicious because one night on a WED a night I normally did not see him she called at like 2am! And he said oh I don't know why she is calling I don't talk to her.

 

I just feel so hurt. Should I? After all I'm the one who left him. But to think the whole time he played me for a fool. He knew my ex did that to me, and he told me he never would do that.

 

So what was the point of him calling me crying after the break-up? HELP please I feel so all alone.

[Nevermind]

Hello to 4 weeks ago.

 

I went through something similar. The only advice I can give you: stop looking for more. There will be more and you will find it. It will only hurt you in the end.

 

You left him, and you had a reason to do so. He loses. Whatever the reasons were for his calls...they were wrong. He should have told you. But he lied.

 

There is not much I can do to help you. Call a friend, or a relative. Don't be alone. And cry. Let the pain out. You will heal, even though it doesn't feel like it right now.

 

((((hugs))))

[roghornio]

I obviously don’t know the truth in this situation… but I can tell you a similar story in that when I was my 2 girlfriends ago for around 6 months, I kept regular contact with my ex before her, in fact I would even go meet her sometimes – watch a movie, or drinks or something… but I never told my G/F at the time… even when she asked I said I didn’t speak with her anymore.

 

The truth? I still wanted to be with the ex one.

 

I’m sorry – I know this really isn’t what you want to hear… This may not be what’s going on in your situation – but you have to be aware that it might be the truth. I really hope for you it’s not because it is quite cruel if it is the case… and for my own personal situation I really regret putting someone through that.

 

Deep down… what do you think is going on?

What were his reactions when you talked about her? How did he talk about her? Did you genuninly feel loved by him?

 

The thing is you cant talk to him about this because you checked his phone….

 

You left him as you say… I’d suggest keep walking and don’t look back – you will probably only cause yourself pain.

[icess64]

Nevermind is right, you will find more and it won't do you any good. I found my ex had been cheating that way and it only made me snoop more and of course I found exactly what I'd been hoping to find, only it made me feel worse, not better. And now, two years later, I'm still hung up on it all.

 

He is a jerk (obviously--cheating AND verbal abuse...) and you will eventually be glad that you broke up with him before he played you even longer, even though it doesn't feel that way now. I used to hate when people told me that right after my breakup, but they were right. Men like that are insecure and need attention from multiple girls to make them feel worthy. It's pathetic is what it is...

[roghornio]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t154397/

 

Interesting insight perhaps...

[MsCrazy]

Thank you so much for the replies. Its still so confusing he always told me how much he loves me so much more than the ex. How happy he was with me. He always said nice things about her except that she gained a lot of wieght. I know I am a lot more attractive than her. Not to be conceited but I am by far and he told me that all the time.

 

Actually about one month ago I saw a picture in a magazine that looked just like her and I said you should mail this to her, and he said well I don't really want to talk to her.

 

I mean should I be upset? Is this a sign that I'm not over it?

[Nevermind]

Of course you're not over it. You broke up only a short while ago and you just found out. Don't pressure yourself into being over it. It hurts, and this is normal.

[motive2002]

I tried to figure out the ex's password once. I realized afterwards that I didn't want to know. You don't ever want to be the fly on the wall. Ever. You can try to justify it in some way, but it will always be bad. You don't want to know what others are doing when you're not around. You really don't.

 

All of us are liars to some degree. I'm still mad about my girlfriend lying and being flaky on me, but I think it only upsets me because I've seen the same behavior in myself sometimes.

 

The best thing you can take from this, is to really examine your own integrity. Try to take these flaws you find in other people and see if there's any similarity to your own behavior. You can't improve them, but you can improve yourself.

You may be as honest as the day is long, so this may not apply to you, but then people don't like to see flaws in themselves and can be blind to it.

 

Don't snoop. You really don't want to know. It will always be hurtful to find out things you aren't supposed to know.

I feel like I personally have nothing to hide, but then again if someone really went looking they'd find something they didn't like.

My grandma used to say "If you go looking for the bad in people, you'll find it!"

 

It's so true.

[MsCrazy]

I think that what bothers me most about the whole situation is that their break-up according to him was mutual. Whereas our break-up was filled with so much drama and hatred. I feel like he treated her better or cared about her more than me. Of course I am not certain about this but obviously she doesn't hate him to still be talking to him.

 

When we first broke up I felt confident about my decision but now I feel so down about it. I don't feel like I am making any progress. It is so painful.

 

I feel like I suck at life.

[me1234]

i did something similar and saw exactly what i suspected i would see. even still, it was a shock and i felt horrible that i had been lied to for so long.

 

a warning: i should have took what i saw and left well enough alone, but i continued to look at the current activity. this was a huge mistake as each time i looked i felt more and more horrible. i eventually stopped, and it was a big relief. please do not fall into the same trap that i did. to echo what others have said - you don't need to know what's going on, it will only hurt you more.

[mistie03]

My ex-bf called yesterday and asked me to meet him for lunch. There is absolutely nothing going on between us. He ran out of gas on his Harley a few miles from my house a few days ago and I went and helped him. He said that he wanted to show his appreciation.

 

He also comes over occasionally to get some of his stuff that he has stored here. He stays and talks for a few hours. And, not once has there been any romantic overtures.

[MsCrazy]

mistie03

 

Yeah I can see that they just MIGHT be friends. Its the lying that hurts me most. Him saying he does not talk to her out of respect to me. I am not concerned about them getting back together. She lives far away and her family is racist and that was one of the main reasons why they split.

 

If they are just friends why the phone calls at 2am?!?! It just hurts to know what a liar he is. He has lied to me before but we were working on getting the trust back into our R. We agreed to be completely honest with each other.

 

Makes me feel like he NEVER really loved me. I am starting to have no faith in R.