relationships and family

[confused2007]

I’m a 24 male. I’m hurting bad. Relationships, family and friends. Somehow, everyone takes a look at me and thinks “Lets walk all over him and make fun of him in the process.” I am getting better at confrontation but I never have any witty or intelligent come backs. I always over-think everything and sound stupid trying to stick up for myself.

 

Relationships are a common heartbreak but goddamn my family loves to annoy me. Why? This is so wrong. I’m supposed to drop my guard and feel at ease with them, but I’m always on defense. My dad especially. I really am starting to believe they hate me. I can tell by the way they look at me – almost like they’re disgusted. I don’t know why either. I just graduated college, have a good job, ambitious, etc. But they still find ways to make me feel 2 inches tall and lower my self esteem and it ****ing hurts. For example, I felt proud myself when I graduated college a couple weeks ago, but my dad lowered my self worth by making fun of my gpa and the University I went to. For God sake it would be nice to know if he could just say “I’m proud of you” for once. He wouldn’t even take a picture with me. Although he doesn’t ever like to take pictures.

 

Sorry for venting but I had to get it out. Any input to help this situation is much appreciated.

[carrotgirl]

{{{{Confused}}}}}}

 

Happy Christmas and congratulations on earning your first university degree! Huge! Tremendous! Way to go!

 

I love my family. I do. And I will tell you truly. My immediate family is really something. I have some other relatives who have some hateful and horrid behavior.

 

Some recent examples: I recently gained 4kg. This makes me a chubby size 0. Oh hey. How about that. I opened my gift from my Aunt and Uncle about two minutes ago and it's a Weight Watchers gift certificate and DVD about walking?

 

One of my papers was recently published in a respected trade journal. It was kind of a big deal for me. Yesterday my Grandmother literally sniffed at me and pointed out that my cousin won a Pulitzer.

 

Very nice that.

 

So you're probably right. They suck. Whether he loves you or not, your dad isn't likely to change soon. Here's my best bit of advice regarding retorts, comebacks, one-upping and such. I learned from a brilliant, narcoleptic priest named Father Skip. Father Skip used to fall asleep during confession. A kid would be confessing and Father Skip would wake up and say in a very loud voice.... WHAT?

 

This is what I do with jerks. I say VERY loudly, WHAT? They usually back right off right there. If they repeat themselves, I say it again, WHAT? If they repeat their poison a third time I loudly say, I didn't catch all of that, WHAT? If they go for a fourth time I excuse myself and say I'm just not hearing what you're saying. Sorry. Then I walk away.

 

You can use this over and over during say, a difficult holiday gathering. Don't yell. Just be really, REALLY loud. Bet after a while your dad will just shake his head and tell you to get your hearing checked at which point you can smile to yourself knowing his biggest complaint for the next 20 years will be that you never get your hearing checked.

 

Dying to hear if this works for you. Have a wonderful Christmas college grad!

 

Carrot

[confused2007]

Thanks carrot. I'll try that the next opportunity I get.