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7 months, 7 loooong miserable months


randuff

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I was engaged to the "perfect" girl, so I thought. We were together for 4 years and for the most part it was "good times." When I found out she cheated I looked the other way and forgave her. I tried to be understanding and caring and loving with her and seeing how I was so deeply in love with her I told myself I could overlook this event.

 

It has now been 7 months since we split up and I seem to have moved no further in the healing process. When she decided to break it off I was devastated. I thought to myself, she was the one who cheated, she was the one who was dishonest. Why was she ending with me?

 

Her reasoning was that she couldn't be in a relationship and found it to be unfair to me since she had other underlying emotional problems. Which she has and I know better than anyone that these are indeed a problem. But I didn't care. I wanted her to be with me. I loved her more than I have ever loved another woman in my life. Even my baby momma (EW) didn't have the effect on my heart like her.

 

Well here I sit, alone on a Friday night, thinking about what she is doing and if she has thought about me today. You see today is the first day since we broke up that we haven't talked or text one another. For 7 months I have spoken to her daily. She still tells me that I am the most important person in her life and she loves me dearly, just not in a romantic way.

 

I know I shouldn't cling and that there are women out there who will treat me better but the feeling in my heart still lingers. Is it real? Is it there because I cling on to the past when things were so good?

 

She is now talking to the guy she cheated on me with. She says he is a shady person and she doesn't want a relationship with him either but I know that they are "hooking" up still. I guess the attraction to me has faded. That or she knows that emotinal feelings would get in the way so she doesn't get intimate with me anymore. She still tells me she wants to stay at my house sometimes because I make her feel good and safe in my arms, but all that does is prolong the torture.

 

I am the best person she has ever been in a relationship with. I know this and she has told me this. I am a great guy. Flowers when unexpected, gifts for no reason, gifts for occassions that actually have meaning. Tending to her needs. Maybe that is my problem...

 

I lost the love of my life but more over if I cut ties with her I have then lost my best friend as well. But being friends with the one you love when the feelings aren't reciprocated just doesn't work.

 

She tells me to move on and says if I want her to leave me alone she will do because I am not the same happy, easy going guy any longer but I hate the thought of not hearing her voice .

 

I know that this is pointless and I shouldn't still feel like this about her knowing all the lies and deceit she has done, but I can't seem to move on with my life. I am a single father and have not the time nor energy to hit the "dating" scene. I just want her back. I just want her to love me how I love her. I just want to feel loved again. I am lonely, I am miserable and I and pushing my emotions to the edge.

 

I can't take the anguish anymore. Please, please let me move on with my life and be free.

 

Thanks for letting me rant a bit. I have just not been myself lately and she evens tells me so. I just feels worthless at times even though I know that isn't true.

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I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. You sound like an amazing boyfriend; I can't imagine getting flowers for no reason! I'd give ANYTHING to have someone treat me like that. I used to fantasize about my ex giving me flowers; he said he didn't give girls flowers because his ex was a florist and she always complained about other people's flower arrangements. I said, "You could give me a wilted flower from the yard and I'd be honored that you thought of me." Still...never anything. It made me feel like I wasn't worth it.

 

Any woman who doesn't appreciate what you were giving doesn't deserve you -- TRUST me! It sounds like this girl just didn't know what she wanted. Definitely go NC immediately -- give her a chance to recognize what she lost.

 

Good luck to you. It's been four months for me since the breakup, and I just love him more every day.

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Don't you think it's totally messed up that somebody could send flowers to someone else for the simple reason that they care for that person and no other reason (I did it for my ex, just to bring a smile to her face) yet, the person receiving them is to self-absorbed or just too screwed up to realize the magnitude of that jesture.

 

Then, there's somebody as sweet as Sedgwick, that would give her left arm (or right) for somebody to do that for her yet, she somehow, ends up with boneheads that don't have enough of a brain in their damn heads to even think of something like that.

 

What a bunch of bulls***.

 

I just don't get it, what a sick world. I give up.............Relationships suck!!!

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It's been 7-8 months for me too. I think we were breaking up at the same time =(.

 

You sound like a really decent guy and a great bf and she definteily did not deserve you. IMO cheating is one of the most hurtful showings of disrespect there is and you ought to be glad you are rid of her. That said, I have no idea what to say to help you feel better =(. I know how it is to love someone unconditionally and to miss them even if you know they have done things to you that you never would have done to them.

 

Eight months later and I still miss my ex so much my stomach is in a knot when I think of him - and he didn't wrong, so it's hard for me to justify not wanting him in my life - at least you can rationally tell yourself that she is bad for you.

 

I went NC on mine and even though I "know" it was the right decision, as contact was driving me crazy, and though I KNOW I am happier now overall than I was when we spoke, I feel like my soul's been ripped out and if I could turn back time, I'd probably have stayed in touch. So I am not going to tell you to go NC, but I will say that it will help you feel less crazy, it will help you gain perspective (in my case, the perspective that he was more right for me that I thought), and it will help you find and center yourself again. So you might wanna try that.

 

Keep your chin up I guess. You're a good person, remember that; you are capable of giving and receving love nad in your situation particularly it is clear that she is the screwed up one who is to blame. You'll move on to have healthy relationships and I am positive that one day you will find love again. But give it time and don't despair- love is precious because it is rare.

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...

I am the best person she has ever been in a relationship with. I know this and she has told me this. I am a great guy. Flowers when unexpected, gifts for no reason, gifts for occassions that actually have meaning. Tending to her needs. Maybe that is my problem...

...

 

Your problem is that you aren't tending to your own needs. And all the little things you mention you did for her make almost no difference when it comes to love. It's more a chemical thing, and it has more to do with respect. She didn't respect you. I'd say it was in part because you didn't require her to. When she cheated and you took her back you made a mistake. You were wrong to think you and she could be together after that.

 

I lost the love of my life but more over if I cut ties with her I have then lost my best friend as well. But being friends with the one you love when the feelings aren't reciprocated just doesn't work.

 

My advice: forget the entire idea that this woman is your friend. She is NOT your friend. Let that go. She is an ex now, and you should put her in your past. There is no future of any kind for you to have with this woman.

 

She tells me to move on and says if I want her to leave me alone she will do because I am not the same happy, easy going guy any longer but I hate the thought of not hearing her voice .

 

You need to toughen up. Her voice is not what you need. She only brings you pain. Cut her off and move on. She has nothing to offer you.

 

I know that this is pointless and I shouldn't still feel like this about her knowing all the lies and deceit she has done, but I can't seem to move on with my life. I am a single father and have not the time nor energy to hit the "dating" scene. I just want her back. I just want her to love me how I love her. I just want to feel loved again. I am lonely, I am miserable and I and pushing my emotions to the edge.

 

I don't know what she gets from you. It's weird how some women hang on to guys they've dumped for some reason. It's sadistic, or else it shows a shocking lack of understanding. Regardless, you're the one dealing with the damage she's done.

 

I can't take the anguish anymore. Please, please let me move on with my life and be free.

 

I assume this is a plea directed more toward her. The person who needs to make the break is you. It's not easy to do. But you don't owe her any difficult explanations. Just cut her off. This is one of the hard things in life that you have to do as a man. It's like having to shoot your own dog when it's too injured or sick to live on. Shoot this relationship and set yourself free. As hard as it is, it's what a man has to do.

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You are absolutely correct in everything you say. The problem you see is me acting upon this.

 

I tell myself to just cut it off then, BAM, I fall right back into everything. There is noone here to blame but myself and I understand this. I sit and think at times, why do I torture myself so? It is all self inflicted.

 

It has been getting a tad easier to cope lately. For example, she called the other day and with her not having to work she had nothing to complain about and I really didn't have anything to talk to her about. I thought to myself, hmmm I really have nothing interesting to say....

 

I will make it, one day, it will just take some more time but for now I have to take this one day at a time and focus on myself as you said Johan. I have severely neglected my own needs and therefore have not been moving towards a better life for myself.

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