Resigned.. Sad.. Lonely..

[Bosiell]

Wasnt really expecting to be coping with this emotion. I had recovered from the initial shock and hurt when I heared it was over. Now I feel I have been hit a second time with something as bad, resignation.

 

During the last few weeks even tho I was obviously still hurting from the break up, at the back of my mind and heart I was still clinging to some hope that she will have some doubts, start missing me, say she wants to try again. I have maintaind a good amount of nc and never really got my hopes up that it would happen and she would come to, but at times that hope was the only thing keeping me going.

 

However over the last couple of days/nites, slowly but surely the resignation feeling as crept over me. I cannot now see any light on this relationship. And yes it hurts like hell again. Its more a sadness now, dull aching sadness. Now I am feeling completely lonely to. I have friends and family who I can see and talk to. But I cannot keep repeating the same sobbing story to them, it helps alot to, but I do not want any pity. I know I am the only person who can help me now, And yeah I am worried about how I am going to do this.

 

Typing this I feel completely empty, out of gas, drained. I have to try and work tomorrow, not looking foward to it, very stressfull currently, concerned I am going to flip. The longing I have to call or text her is overpowering at times, it will do me no good I know.

 

Christ I wish I could have someone with me now, never felt this low in my life. Just wanna rip my memories out of my head. Bring back some normality. TIME TIME TIME. Cant go quick enough tho.

 

Thank you for listening..

[Spinderella]

Hey Bos ,

I know you know its an essential part of the process, so theres not much to say, except: Keep going with it, dont fight it, let yourself feel it.

[carrotgirl]

Bosiell, if I leaved anywhere near you I'd drive over with a pie (the kind that is completely conditional and NOT unconditional, you have to eat it or I'll pout ) and we could eat pie and watch tv and still be miserable but with company.

 

Feel better.

Carrot

[Sanslatete]

I'd join you with the pie too, we could swap memories and have a trio of misery. I know how you feel Bosiell, I had my resignation feelings a few weeks back, it's all very scary and final. You don't want to believe it. It's that place between hope and knowing it's not going to be like it was ever again. Sad, very sad, but part of the process. I thought I'd never get through it, but I did (kinda). I'm still sad and have a teeny bit of hope at the back of my mind, but I can deal with it now, or at least better than I was. I still love her, but I have to love me too, and that means taking care of myself.

[Bosiell]

Thanks all.. Yeah I could so do with some pie and some company .. Off to work now. So dont need these Monday morning blues on top off everything else, but life goes on, deep breath.

 

Will post more laters..

[Bosiell]

Hey again all..

 

Well work wasnt too bad, I am actually quite proud of myelf. I made a concious effort this morning to be as strong and as calm as possible. I just got on with my work, hardly spoke to anyone unless it was work related, kept my head down and tried not to think of anything, just took it minute by minute. Of course there were some slippy moments, when my heart sank again, but I managed to get back to some calmness fairly well. I kept telling myself "future", looking only foward, to a guy I want and must be.

 

Hope you all are ok today, or had an ok day so far.

 

Oh and Carrot, what pie did you have in mind? I would eat any pie to be honest, maybe even carrot pie Tho Id like to see your pouting tho if I didnt . Well if you did live near me you all would be more that welcome, some tasty pie, Jim Beam to wash it down with, some chill music and the reminiscing till we fell asleep drunk. Ah lovely...

 

take care all