SweetOlive Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 Hi everyone, I don't how to begin or where to go from here. I broke nc with my ex and its been 3 days that we've argued and just have mindless words said to each other. Now I feel as low as dust. I keep crying and I keep thinking to ask him back. We finally ended all communication about 20 minutes ago. It is the most painful feeling I've dealt with. Last week I was strong enough not to care about him and have nc with him. Today I can't seem to function, I don't think I can start nc. I don't know where to begin anymore. It feels as I'm just a failure. He's begged me back and its for all the wrong reasons. Some how I know he won't ever contact me again. What can I do to stop all this pain I feel? I need some sort of quick fix. I want to feel anger not pain I want to feel that I am better of without him. I want to stop checking my phone to see if any txt msgs are from him. I just need encouragement. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
panzer6 Posted May 2, 2007 Share Posted May 2, 2007 There is no such thing as a quick fix. Losing someone you love is the same as experiencing a death. They are gone and all you have is memories and a terrible feeling off loss. Depression is quite common among people going through breakups and I myself have been quite depressed about losing the woman I love. The only thing you can do is NC and let time heal you. Eventually you will get to a better place and when you think about your ex you will realise that it was probably for the better that you broke up. Some people are just very toxic and you don't need that in your life. Try to go to the gym, exercise really helps alot with your mental state. Also hang out with friends and go out and try to have some fun. This will help you stop thinking about your ex. It's when you are alone that the feelings of despair come back, and have no illusions, they will come back. However, with time you will get back to the old you and you will be ready for whoever comes next. Be strong and take it one day at a time. My ex comse and goes into my life whenever she pleases. Now she likes me again and is being really friendly toward me. I think she may want to sleep with me cuz she probably hasn't had sex for a while. I'll be honest with you, I want to be with her too, but I know it would only be a short term fix for both of us. Any way try to be strong and post on here as much as you like. You aren't alone. Link to post Share on other sites
bchlvr Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 I'm sorry you are in so much pain. That excruiating pain, off and on crying, feeling like you can't function, feeling numb, is very normal. All of those emotions also create a lot of anxiety. Please know that what you are going through is part of grieving. I have felt all of that and thought that I would never get through it. I thought my anger toward my ex would help alleviate some of the pain. I thought other distractions no matter how unhealthy would allow me to hurdle over some of this pain. Nothing liked that worked. What did work was: No matter what, I would not contact or attempt to connect with my ex. Not making any big decisions, if at all possible. I wasn't thinking clearly. Feelings aren't facts: even though I felt I couldn't function, I did the basics to take care of work and essential obligations. I just needed to stop periodically for crying jags. Think of the pain as coming in waves. There are some big ones and you just have to ride them out. But they also recede and you will have moments of relief. Over time, the "waves" get smaller and are farther apart. Connect with others even if you don't have the greatest time. Don't isolate and.... Don't contact your ex. Post here instead. It sounds as though the reality of what has happened is sinking in. You will get through this and you will be okay. Link to post Share on other sites
Sk8away Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 There is no such thing as a quick fix. Losing someone you love is the same as experiencing a death. They are gone and all you have is memories and a terrible feeling off loss. Depression is quite common among people going through breakups and I myself have been quite depressed about losing the woman I love. The only thing you can do is NC and let time heal you. Eventually you will get to a better place and when you think about your ex you will realise that it was probably for the better that you broke up. Some people are just very toxic and you don't need that in your life. Try to go to the gym, exercise really helps alot with your mental state. Also hang out with friends and go out and try to have some fun. This will help you stop thinking about your ex. It's when you are alone that the feelings of despair come back, and have no illusions, they will come back. However, with time you will get back to the old you and you will be ready for whoever comes next. Be strong and take it one day at a time. My ex comse and goes into my life whenever she pleases. Now she likes me again and is being really friendly toward me. I think she may want to sleep with me cuz she probably hasn't had sex for a while. I'll be honest with you, I want to be with her too, but I know it would only be a short term fix for both of us. Any way try to be strong and post on here as much as you like. You aren't alone. Panzer has offered you some excellent advice, Sweet Olive. There is no quick fix (if there were, there would be no need for these boards!) It's about managing your pain and loss and letting the healing process set in. Link to post Share on other sites
Sk8away Posted May 3, 2007 Share Posted May 3, 2007 Don't contact your ex. Post here instead. It sounds as though the reality of what has happened is sinking in. You will get through this and you will be okay. Bchlvr is right--writing is wonderfully therapeutic and a healthy outlet for working through your pain and grief. Don't contact your ex because he isn't emotionally available for you right now. Do pour your thoughts and feelings into words instead. As Panzer said, you aren't alone. We have all been there. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetOlive Posted May 3, 2007 Author Share Posted May 3, 2007 There is no such thing as a quick fix. Losing someone you love is the same as experiencing a death. They are gone and all you have is memories and a terrible feeling off loss. Depression is quite common among people going through breakups and I myself have been quite depressed about losing the woman I love. The only thing you can do is NC and let time heal you. Eventually you will get to a better place and when you think about your ex you will realise that it was probably for the better that you broke up. Some people are just very toxic and you don't need that in your life. You're right about having NC and my ex is like a hazardous chemical in my life. I know Ill get hurt to touch it but Im always willing to try it. Having NC is the hardest thing for me at the moment because he just wont leave me alone. In a way I like him to be around in my life and I know that I should stop but I cant. Its like he is my fix. I don't do drugs but that's how it feels. Ive told him numerous times to stop because he is the anguish in my life but he wont. I don't have the courage to cut him off because of the "love" i have for him... I see he will never change but there is just a glimpse of hope that he will be that guy I fell in love with. I set myself up for failure when I go back to him. But I will never learn. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetOlive Posted May 3, 2007 Author Share Posted May 3, 2007 I have felt all of that and thought that I would never get through it. I thought my anger toward my ex would help alleviate some of the pain. I thought other distractions no matter how unhealthy would allow me to hurdle over some of this pain. Nothing liked that worked. Thank you bchlvr I am on my grieving/anger stage but with contact which he starts whenever he feels like it. I get attention from other males and it doesn't take my thoughts off my ex. I think about him more and I wish he would see what he's lost. I know the "waves" are crashing hard on me but I want to see the ocean at peace (my heart)... I guess Im just trying to run away from the problem. I appreciate you telling me what helped you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author SweetOlive Posted May 3, 2007 Author Share Posted May 3, 2007 Don't contact your ex because he isn't emotionally available for you right now. Do pour your thoughts and feelings into words instead. As Panzer said, you aren't alone. We have all been there. I tried numerous ways to find a method to stop myself from contaction my ex. But if I dont respond he will txt me countless times. I give in. Im angry and I take out on him. I want to make today my last day of NC but I know I cant do it. I see myself offering advice that I cant do myself. Link to post Share on other sites
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