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no explanation!


gleason

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long story short...we had a long history of greater than 10yrs. the past 5 yrs., he had moved to another state with the plan of me moving there later . i was detained due to family obligations..the care provider for an elderly parent. it was i who held down the daily chores, legalities, finances, emotional and physical welfare of my elderly parent. not to mention working 8-10 hr. work days, and soley caring for a household..inside and out. it was rewarding, however had taken it's toll, i was consumed and i became lost and distanced myself from pretty much everything. i felt this change happening, but, it seemed to be out of my control. looking back now, i am sure he felt neglected, maybe even unloved as he came to visit(every 3 mo. or so), he lived 16 hrs away.

i say this because, as much as i loved to see him, i also knew another goodbye was in store..so, somehow i'm sure my protection came accross as distance. i am sure there was a little resentment from me due to the fact that at the time, he was not employed and could have offered to help with the load. but i did not express this.

well, days before my parent passed, via phone, he briefly told me "i'm just not there anymore", and "I'm not sure i would ever consider marriage again",etc. i felt he was leaving me. at the time of the death, i had called him, and he did come out to the funeral. only, i was so very distraught and now believed he had left me, so i couldn't reach out to him (and didn't) for fear of more pain from rejection. anyway, we barely said 2 words before he returned home.

we talked casually via phone for 2 mo., and e-mailed. by e-mail, he stated he does not love me, and not there anymore. by brief phone conv. he stated i am not of his faith, and the weather where he is at would not suit me and he'd hear about it 5 yrs. later...blah..very superficial comments. never stated not to call again, etc.

 

well, seeking some form of understanding, i tried calling and he would not respond, deleted me from IM...this went on for one month. being i was already vulnerable from the death, i just needed some answers, closure maybe...something after all these years. 5 wks later i finally got to speak very briefly, i guess i was hoping to hear something that would make sense, or some anger, or i don't love you to my face. but no, i got i'm giving up and i don;t want to argue. (he believes any confrontation is an arguement) no anger in his voice, did not ask me to stop calling, although he will not respond. hearing a female voice, i was told his g.f is there and they are about to leave. that was it!

never got any explanation, no words, nothing!

after continuous (unsuccessful) phone attempts, letters, etc...why won't he just say to me, return my call as asked to just help me understand so i can move on. why not call and state to stop calling etc., why not tell me dierectly i don't love you, etc. one previous time, long ago, he left and stated he can harden himself and make himself not care although he is hurting inside. huh?

anyway, i am very distraught. i don't understand why someone just wouldn't grant one phone call. it seems as though he is punishing me. even if he really did not care about me at all, wouldn't he finally pick up the phone and yell, or calmly explain or some thing...wouldn't he want the calls to stop? do men really believe a superficial brief e-mail with one sentence is enough? what goes on in guy's heads? it just seemed to me that with the load of responsibilities i was carrying, he was the one aspect i felt i can relax with, that he was reliable and understood the situation, and knew i would be out there with him at some point. he is not a young boy..this man is beyond late 40's.

i just feel i really need that one call to at least hear the tone in his voice, something to know if he really does not love me anymore, or if he just was hurt, etc. but he will not grant me any contact. can i ask..if i have no expectations, do you think me going out there to his state, but in a hotel, and letting him know by phone mess. i will be out there on this date...is acceptable? i guess i just feel i have to do everything on my end to allow him the opportunity to know i really do care about him, and i am ashamed if he felt unloved. i do realize i may not get the conversation i am searching for, but i feel a need to prove to him that he is important to me. anyway, i would look at it as a vacation for me...and if he does decide to call, better.

can you tell me why some men don't give the consideration of a decnt goodbye. people just don't take long relationships for granted and think nothing of them when they're done, do they?

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