cecil brown Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 I haven't been on here in awhile, but I'm down in the dumps again. Here's a quick recap; GF of 2 years dumped me in November. I was devestated. She came back in mid January, but a late night blow up in early February chased her off again and led me to anger management classes. We stayed in contact, and casually hung out together, dinner, movies, etc. She admitted she missed me and still loved me. I thought things had been going well the last couple of weeks. She even started talking about a possible future with me again, to the point of looking at houses with me!! My heart felt so good. Well, Tuesday night the hammer dropped. Things were a little rough over the weekend, and I sent her an e-mail Tuesday trying to smooth things over. Got a response from her saying she's sorry for all the ups and downs, but it's best if we just part ways and start fresh. She said i deserve someone who's not going to keep me on a roller coaster and that she just can't see this ever working out. Too many bad memories. Even though we weren't officially "back together", i am still just as crushed this time as I was the first time she left. Actually, I'm probably more distraught now. She sounded very definitive this time and said she promised to let me be. I don't know why she had to come back at all if she wasn't 100% committed. Guess there is nothing else I can do now... Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 I don't know your history with your g/f but it sounds like there were unresolved issues which are still outstanding. Not to get your hopes up but is it possible that she still cares but doesn't see a future because of the issues? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 We definitely have issues. I have had anger issues in the past, which led me to a 6 week anger management course. She has issues with her family's acceptance of me. Her family is very important to her and she feels like I would disrupt the harmony she has with her family. I don't doubt that she cares for me. I just can't figure out how she could be so loving and talk about a future with me last week, then call it off this week and be so cold towards me. It's frustrating because I do love her and I have tried very hard to make things work. But it takes two, and if her hearts not in to it, there's nothing I can do. It's a crappy feeling. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 In what way would you disrupt the harmony with her family? If you explain the situation a little more clearly, it will give everyone a more clear picture. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Basically, mom doesn't think I'm good for the daughter. I have done some bad things in the past, but I'm good to her daughter and grandson; what more could she want? And daughter wants to keep mom happy, so I guess that leaves me out. I have offered to sit down with the family and discuss any unresolved issues there might be, but my ex wanted nothing to do with it. I'm so frustrated because I am honestly trying to help, but my ex wouldn't accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 Have you met her family? Does she live with them? You can probably guess where the above two questions are going. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 Yes, I have met the family several times, even stayed at thier house. Dad recently got a job down here, so he's staying with her (she has her own house) until the family can find a house. Once that's done, and school finishes up, the rest of the family will move down. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted April 4, 2007 Share Posted April 4, 2007 I can see why this would be a roadblock without your g/fs cooperation. At least you're trying to resolve the issues within your control with anger management classes. It can only help you, as a person. As for your hurt, I know how you feel. Allowing hope to return, then having it crushed again, is very painful. It's back to "one day at a time". Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 4, 2007 Author Share Posted April 4, 2007 It is very painful, especially because she turned so coldhearted. She basically shut me out. She said for me to leave her alone and press on with my life. We have nothing more to talk about. But yet last week, she loved me and wanted to look at houses with me? I'll never understand... Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 5, 2007 Author Share Posted April 5, 2007 Today is especially tough. Not sure why. Been on the verge of tears all day. What hurts the most is the fact that i have tried so hard to become a better person. The counseling, the anger management, the willingness to meet with her family and discuss any issues, but yet it doesn't seem to matter. I'm so hurt, anxious, stressed, and lonely. This relationship has been the best thing that has ever happened to me, and at the same time, it has been the worst. My self esteem is shot and I feel like I have no direction in life now. All i wanted was her and now she's gone for good. Sorry for the rant, but I have no one else to vent to right now. Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted April 6, 2007 Share Posted April 6, 2007 It is very painful, especially because she turned so coldhearted. She basically shut me out. She said for me to leave her alone and press on with my life. We have nothing more to talk about. But yet last week, she loved me and wanted to look at houses with me? I'll never understand... Well, you were on best behaviour up to last week, so she might have believed you had changed & were making an effort. Obviously there must be a lot of things she really likes about you. But then you went back to your old ways at the weekend, and it reminded her of your bad side & convinced her it's not worth it. I think her behaviour is 100% understandable. I don't think it's coldhearted if she's wanting to cut contact over these repeated conflicts & anger issues. It just sounds like you have worn down her patience and brought too much negative emotion and drama into her life. I think it would be best to take full responsibility for what you did instead of seeing her as the bad one. Then move on and accept that you are not suited to each other. It's good that you're trying to work on the issues, but the reality is that it's very hard to change behaviour & personality. It's probably better to try and find someone who naturally soothes you when you get angry, rather than be with someone who recoils away from you and shuts down emotionally. Anyway, stay strong and just try to follow no contact, do some activities to take your mind off it. Things will get better over time, and somewhere in the future this will all be a distant memory. Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 6, 2007 Author Share Posted April 6, 2007 Very interesting points, Traveller... It just sounds like you have worn down her patience and brought too much negative emotion and drama into her life. In her eyes, that's pretty much spot on. Link to post Share on other sites
Leoni Posted April 7, 2007 Share Posted April 7, 2007 If the drama and negative emotions are too much for her, why don't you try to talk to her about normal things for a few weeks? Link to post Share on other sites
Author cecil brown Posted April 7, 2007 Author Share Posted April 7, 2007 Leoni, She doesn't want to talk period. She made it perfectly clear. She told me to move on, there's nothing left here for me. I feel like I have done all I can do; it's just a bad feeling to know that it wasn't enough. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts