Dealing with the depression and loneliness

[AriaIncognito]

So here I sit. It's a Saturday and I used to so look forward to the weekends because it meant I'd have some together time with my baby. Well now he's gone (because I walked away - because he wouldn't commit to a real relationship with me - and well he would have done it anyway if i hadn't) and I'm just blue. I posted about the breakup the night it happened over in second chances but here's the link in case you want to read it. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=1069984&postcount=36

 

So now I'm alone, and sad. I miss him. He was my best friend and now I've had to push him out of my life. I still harbor hopes that I shouldn't (I realize I should give myself more credit for leaving and yes it's only been a few days) and just don't know what to feel. If he were to commit i'd take him back in a second, however, I do wonder if I could ever truly trust him anyway after how rocky our relationship got due to his being so non-commital and almost deceitful.

 

The idea that "i'll find another man" just makes me want to throw up. That's not what I want, at all. I know that passes in time. I just, well, I know that time is going to be a long time and I dont know that I have it in me to suffer through it.

 

I wish there was some magical pill I could take that would make it all go away. Make me feel happy with just being me. Make me like who I am (sometimes I do, sometimes I dont). Make me want to just strive to be the best version of myself, with or without someone around to give me attention.

 

I guess I just wish he was the man I thought he could be.

 

2 more days of absolutely no plans. Yipee.

[RocketMan2]

The idea that "i'll find another man" just makes me want to throw up. That's not what I want, at all. I know that passes in time. I just, well, I know that time is going to be a long time and I dont know that I have it in me to suffer through it.

 

Im the same. Ive got no sex drive at all. I look at stunning girls in the street and feel nothing. That just depresses me further. (edit: i dont just mean for sex, i just mean sex DRIVE, ive got no enthusiasm or attraction to anyone else, even though i know i should find them attractive)

 

I wish there was some magical pill I could take that would make it all go away. Make me feel happy with just being me. Make me like who I am (sometimes I do, sometimes I dont). Make me want to just strive to be the best version of myself, with or without someone around to give me attention.

I feel exactly the same on every point. I havent got any advice, because im stuck in the same position. But hopefully knowing I understand is comforting It is to me to know that someone else feels the same, im not the only one!

 

I guess I just wish he was the man I thought he could be.

Same, I miss the girl i thought she was. She turned out to be someone completely different. I miss someone who doesnt exist

 

2 more days of absolutely no plans. Yipee.

My ex used to work in the day all weekend so i was always just at home doing nothing. The thing is, doing nothing then was fun, doing nothing now is just depressing.

Its like watching crap telly is far more interesting when youre supposed to be doing something important like revision/sorting out bills etc.

 

I hope this cheers you up a bit to know that there are people out there who understand and who are going though the same pain.

 

Just try to stay busy thats all i can say.

 

Rocket

[alasia]

I'm the same as well.

 

My ex used to work very long hours (2pm-00.15) and although I was sometimes bored sitting at home in the evenings on my own, now it's boredom with...sadness. Knowing he won't be coming home later on.

 

My ex is my first 'proper' relationship, and the only man I've ever loved. In fact he was the first man I ever slept with and the first one I've lived with too!

 

I think that's why I'm having such a hard time getting over him.

 

I'm not a 'relationshippy' sort of person, and I know I won't find anyone else in the near (or distant) future - not because I'm depressed as such, but because I normally prefer to be single. My ex changed that.

 

Anyway I can't help you either I'm afraid...

[AriaIncognito]

Thanks rocket and alasia. Just knowing people are out there and caring, helps in a way.

 

Now, if only I could make myself be busy. He's just logged on, so I should leave the computer before I start wondering too much.

[RocketMan2]

Thanks rocket and alasia. Just knowing people are out there and caring, helps in a way.

 

Now, if only I could make myself be busy. He's just logged on, so I should leave the computer before I start wondering too much.

 

What happened to NC???

 

Block him.

 

Do it!

[alasia]

Hey that's nothing Aria - my ex drives a bus, and tonight he'll be in my town (I live 10 mins away from the bus station he'll be arriving in) at 9.15 - it's 8.05 now so I'd have to leave at 8.30 to be there for when he gets in.

 

I just considered going in to 'spy' on him...yesterday when I was on his bus, a pretty blonde girl got on and she seemed like she was flirting with my ex a bit (he wasn't returning the flirting).

When she got off that I told him that I thought she fancied him; he smiled and said that she didn't - but I've got this horrible feeling she'll be on the bus tonight and what if he asks for her number?!

 

That's almost stalker-like behaviour sin't it...I worry about myself sometimes...

[AriaIncognito]

Yeah, it's basically self torture. You're basically putting yourself in a position where you're allowing him to hurt you. You should try to stay away from the bus.

 

And Rocket, you're right, I should take him off my list. I just, I don't know. I suck?

[alasia]

The thing is, a few days ago he said he wasn't ready for another relationship yet and it would take a long time for him to get over me - he was single for 2 years before he met me so it's not llike he's going to jump straight back into another relationship; but I still keep wondering. Felt so paranoid on the bus last night, when there were all these stunning girls getting on...and then there was me. Ugh.

 

Ignore me, I'm just being silly.

 

No way am I going to go and see/spy on him though, don't worry!

 

Oh by the way; feel stupid admitting this, but because he's a bus driver, I got to learn his routes; so I know exactly where he is at what time during the night (now, he'll just be getting into Penkridge which is where I used to catch the bus; that's how I first met him).

I find myself sitting there sometimes and thinking "now he'll be..." wherever he is at the time and it's so annoying!

 

I try to keep busy and not think about it, but it's kind of a subconscious thing.

[AriaIncognito]

Alasia,

 

I agree. It's hard to stop the "tapes" that we have programmed in our minds. I still have them too. I mean, I'd wake up and instantly think of him. I'd go about my day, same thing. And these "tapes" are one of the things taht make it oh so hard to move forward, because they are constantly bringing us back.

 

I wish I knew how to tape over them. I think the little things are punched out in the corners of mine....lol

 

Someday we'll move forward, and wonder wtf was wrong with us to hold onto someone so undeserving for so long.

[Teacher's Pet]

2 more days of absolutely no plans. Yipee.

 

Get your ass up here tonight for karaoke.

 

C'mon.

 

A little Paradise By The Dashboard Light works wonders.

 

I miss my favorite singing partner...

 

-tp

Jew 2

[alasia]

I wonder if the dumper has these 'tapes' too?

 

I doubt it...

[Teacher's Pet]

Alasia,

 

I agree. It's hard to stop the "tapes" that we have programmed in our minds. I still have them too. I mean, I'd wake up and instantly think of him. I'd go about my day, same thing. And these "tapes" are one of the things taht make it oh so hard to move forward, because they are constantly bringing us back.

 

I wish I knew how to tape over them. I think the little things are punched out in the corners of mine....lol

 

 

Do what I do.

 

Tape over them with porn.

 

-tp

starring in Good Will Humping

[AriaIncognito]

I wonder if the dumper has these 'tapes' too?

 

I doubt it...

 

I really dont think they get that attached to even create the tapes. I think those come with feelings of commitment and love (or maybe even lust i dont know). In MY case, he never allowed himself to fall totally for me, so I'd suspect that he's got very few, if any, tapes.

 

Now porn, that he's got.

[Teacher's Pet]

I really dont think they get that attached to even create the tapes. I think those come with feelings of commitment and love (or maybe even lust i dont know). In MY case, he never allowed himself to fall totally for me, so I'd suspect that he's got very few, if any, tapes.

 

Now porn, that he's got.

 

Bimbo Bowlers From Boston.

 

Rent that. Trust me.

 

You will never laugh so hard in your life. (aside from seeing my act)

 

"Will you let us lick your di**iepoo?" (ACTUAL dialogue from the movie)

 

-tp

critic.

[miss snoopy]

Ariawoman, I've been following your story closely and find it hard to find the right words of advce and comfort as it's so painfully close to home.

 

Like you, I couldn't take it any more. He had called it quits first and I talked him into us getting back together on his terms - less contact, more space, that sort of thing. I couldn't take it any more as I felt we were glorified FWBs and decided to finish with him but did it in a nice, amicable manner. Then it was days of loneliness and longing similar to what you're going through, and I broke the NC I enforced. I hadn't discovered LS then but had self help books - I couldn't even concentrate on them, I was so proccupied with what might have been. I decided we should try being platonic friends and do stuff together, then after about a month of this he decided it couldn't work and asked us to become bf/gf again. And just under 2 weeks later, we had the most awful break-up.. and since then I hadn't spoken to him until today.

 

If I could rewind the wclock... I'll rewind it (at least) to just where you're at at the moment. I'll take the advice those self help books, my family, friends, everyone gave me - everyone except my therapist who should've known better (she's history now) Taking him back was a big mistake as we I ended up losing both the relationship and the friendship in the end.

 

I miss the little things... him bringing a glass of water to my side of the bed before we sleep, just lying in bed kissing and talking and kissing some more, arguing passionately about some littel aspect of WW2 or laughing together over a crazy webpage... then cooking breakfast together the next day. I miss all that so, so much... and I know he does too from today's email.

 

But... we must find a way to move on without them, as they won't come back , not in the way we want them to. Unfortunately I have no suggestions regarding feeling better as I feel exactly the same, but I want you to know that you're not alone. Things surely must get better for all of us - hang in there!

[latefragment]

here i am again. i can empathize with everyone here i am feeling pretty low, have been crying for weeks.

 

the pain.

 

it's just so hard.

 

i feel very, very betrayed, very very empty, and very very infuriated, and very, very, very, very, sad. i've no appetite for life right now. plain and simple.

[AriaIncognito]

I'm sorry you're feeling so down, latefragment. Please know that we are all here to "talk". Just because we all hurt, doesn't mean we can't listen and try to help one another through it....

[ratingsguy]

I'm sorry that you're going through a lot of pain right now ariawoman. I also just began NC yesterday which will last until May. My story is all over the OW/OM board.

 

For the first time in recent memory, weekends are now something I dread. I'm actually looking forward to Mondays... because it's back to work and back to something that will take my mind off of the pain... somewhat. I do have plans on the weekends, but those tapes you guys referred to play in my head as well. I wonder a lot about what my ex is doing.. although less and less over time. But I agree with the one poster... you must take your ex off your buddy list! How do you plan to move on if you know when he's on and off line? Those mental tapes are torture enough! Also take everything from him and put it in a box, and then put that box in the back of your closet or under your bed. Then just let it sit there and pay it no mind.

 

I think the biggest thing is to take some time to yourself. Don't try to replace that person right away (you said that the thought repulsed you anyway). You need time to grieve, and getting involved too quickly could spell trouble... and wouldn't be fair to the new person in your life. I guess date, but don't take it too seriously. Have some "you time"... mainly to clear your head of all the thoughts and problems you had. Then when you're feeling better, ease back into finding a new relationship... only if you're interested in doing that eventually.

[polywog]

This is a great thread.

 

I'm right there with you all, have seen my story in your posts....

 

Have nothing to add, but just to say that I am happy that LS exists to make it a little less lonely for us all. We can get through this.