Why NC with no explanation?

[lebowski24]

Ok, long story short, my gf broke up with me in the middle of May. For about the first 6 weeks, I kept trying to call/email her because I wanted to work things out. Then I realized that this wasn't doing me any good so for the past 4 weeks (wow, I really did make it a month) I haven't called or emailed her once. In fact, things have been going great lately and I've been actually having fun when I go out with my friends.

 

Now, last night I had a dream about her for the first time in a week or two, and it kept me up for an hour or two in the middle of the night. I'm guessing this dream was sparked by my noticing yesterday that I had made it an entire month of NC. But what I can't stop thinking about this morning is, why has she still not even answered my last email from a month ago? Would it have been so hard to write back saying, "I'm responding to your email to tell you that I don't think it's a good idea for us to talk for a while because..."?

 

Why, after a year and a half of being together, is it so hard to do something like that? I think it's sad and pathetic.

 

Wow, feels good to get that off my chest.

[superconductor]

Any interaction between the two of you, such as responding to your email(s), will just put you back where you were emotionally a month ago.

 

Both you and her are doing the right thing by maintaining NC. It gives both of you time to heal and move on, and that is how it should be.

 

And don't worry about the dreams. They're just dreams; they have nothing whatsoever to do with reality.

[lebowski24]

Yeah, I guess I was just thinking it would have been nice for her to say in the first place that we shouldn't talk. Oh well, I'll go for another long run after work and the feeling will pass.

 

I do hope we can talk again at some point though. I miss so many things about her.

[LaraV]

Ok, long story short, my gf broke up with me in the middle of May. For about the first 6 weeks, I kept trying to call/email her because I wanted to work things out. Then I realized that this wasn't doing me any good so for the past 4 weeks (wow, I really did make it a month) I haven't called or emailed her once. In fact, things have been going great lately and I've been actually having fun when I go out with my friends.

 

Now, last night I had a dream about her for the first time in a week or two, and it kept me up for an hour or two in the middle of the night. I'm guessing this dream was sparked by my noticing yesterday that I had made it an entire month of NC. But what I can't stop thinking about this morning is, why has she still not even answered my last email from a month ago? Would it have been so hard to write back saying, "I'm responding to your email to tell you that I don't think it's a good idea for us to talk for a while because..."?

 

Why, after a year and a half of being together, is it so hard to do something like that? I think it's sad and pathetic.

 

Wow, feels good to get that off my chest.

 

Lebowski - I sympathize with you on this sentiment. That is exactly how I felt after a month from the break-up with no contact. I just wanted him to do *something* - give me some signal - of ...I dunno what! The e-mail came about a month after and believe me, I was both happy that he still remembered me and seemed to want to know how I was doing, but that day was hell! Yes, it gives you some comfort that they haven't forgotten you, but you realize that that's it. It's just them being nice human beings wanting to know you're OK (and that's giving them the benefit of the doubt), but it doesn't mean they still care the way you wish they would.

 

Thing is, either way it sucks. If they haven't even contacted you to see if you're alive you feel bad, if they do contact you just to say hi or whatnot, then you feel bad because it's not the "omg I made a mistake I want you back" e-mail we all sorta dream we would get. It's so painful at this stage either way. I think it's much better to stick with NC - especially if the other person was the one doing the leaving. Don't stroke their ago by being the one to knock on their door when they're the ones that shut it in your face.

[KNE10]

Dear Lebowski, i had been troubling with this feeling the past three days. She sent me a message last Tuesday morning to say she hopes i am well. Last night I broke down after 24 days of NC and called her. She took the call very well. She told me that she sent that message at 7:30 in the morning! because she was looking at some pictures of the holiday we had together last Summer. I ended up asking most of the questions on how she was doing. She replied to everything i asked her and was in an upbeat mood. At the end she was the one to hang the phone saying she was at a relatives house and we should talk another time.

 

I think it was too soon for me to call her. I should have waited a little bit longer. The impression i got is that she probably misses me sometimes, but is still resolute about her decision. I didn't mention anything about her seeing someone else and didn't mention anything about the past.

 

However i probably missed my chance to surprise her in the future as now she will expect me to contact her even after a period of no contact and probably made her feel that i still care and i have not moved on although i tried not to show it. I wanted to ask her out for coffee but i didn't get the chance to do it and i felt it was too soon as i realised that i am still vulnerable. I am not feeling worse than before but i feel that i might have blown my chance to ask her out.

 

Now i have to go in NC again. I don't have high hopes that she will call, so i will continue my effort to move on. Although i have it stuck in my mind that one day i should ask her out and make my last effort.

 

I know that i should be concentrating on moving on, however i wanted to do anything possible to save this relationship.

 

I hope you keep strong leb and don't make the same mistake i did. At least you should wait a bit longer

[lebowski24]

It sucks that this has to be so much of a game. We were so much in love for the first year and couple months. Then things took a turn for the worse, partly because of me (started hating my job, got kind of depressed and never wanted to go out and always just wanted to rent a movie and sit on the couch) and partly because of her (some of the same problems as me as well as being emotional about other things, and also kind of freaked out about commitment).

 

It's so frustrating not to be able to say, hey, I got a new job, broke out of this rut I've been in, and have brought my life back on track. The only thing missing is you and the way things were with you before we both started having those personal problems.

[lebowski24]

AAAHhhhh, why is the mind so irrational? I've been mostly fine for the past 2 weeks with not calling her (I'm on a month of NC), but for some reason today I can't shake it. Even when I ran into her a couple weekends ago I didn't feel like this. I of course deleted her number from my phone a month ago, and haven't called her since, but unfortunately I was smart enough to realize that I could get her number from my old cell phone bill online.

 

Why can't I shake it today, even after a 3 mile run? Do I break NC and just say that it's been a while since we spoke and I was just wondering how she's doing? This I know for sure: I will NOT mention anything related to wanting to get back together.

 

Deep down I know that if I call her she probably won't pick up, and if she does, she'll act like a b!tch, but for some reason I really want to hear her voice today and to tell each other how we are doing with our lives (minus dating, of course).

 

$%%#, I want this feeling to pass!

[Diver012]

Im holding onto the fact its been almost 3 months since ive spoken to my Ex, and have no desire to hear from her. I feel proud of the fact that I left the ball in her court and told her that I felt some closure was in order, she said she would call back and never did.. big suprise.

 

WHy would you want to talk to someone that has no desire to speak to you in the first place? Just my opinion, but if someone who claimed that loved you so much, suddenly became to uncaring and cold, screw that, shes doing you a favor.

[lebowski24]

That is a good point, Diver012. But I guess there is something inside me that thinks that the reason that she doesn't call is because she's taking the same advice from people to stay on NC, so maybe there is a chance that if we did speak, it might go well.

 

Anyways, crisis temporarily avoided I threw myself in the shower and left the apartment to treat myself to a nice filling dinner so that I had time to collect my feelings. While I was sitting there, I realized that if I feel this emotional about it, then I'm not ready to call her anyways.

[jerseydrive86]

Im holding onto the fact its been almost 3 months since ive spoken to my Ex, and have no desire to hear from her. I feel proud of the fact that I left the ball in her court and told her that I felt some closure was in order, she said she would call back and never did.. big suprise.

 

WHy would you want to talk to someone that has no desire to speak to you in the first place? Just my opinion, but if someone who claimed that loved you so much, suddenly became to uncaring and cold, screw that, shes doing you a favor.

 

 

Yo good advice homie!! One of the best ive heard yet!