Where is this headed?

[huntersixx]

I'm unsure of exactly where to post this but I'm really digging for some ideas. I hope I'm in the wrong section because I hope I'm not headed to a breakup but I dont really know. Here's the cut and dry. My girlfriend and I have been together since January. She got her final divorce papers on Friday. Saturday we had a conversation that I need to be more forceful, direct, or have more inititive in the bedroom. That's fine by me. I'll work on that. Sunday we have a very long talk about her needing space. Sure we've been spending tons of time together. Everything seemed perfect to me at least. I'd send an email in the morning wishing her a good day and call to say hello once during the day. Then we'd either get together at night or we'd IM or talk on the phone a bit. I never gave much thought of that being overwhelming but to her it is. I asked her if she wanted to end things and she said no and also if she wanted her house key back and said no.

My mother is coming in from out of town soon and my girlfriend is still excited to meet her. She introduced me to her family and some of her close friends last weekend, and to me that is a step forward but then I get hit with the fact she wants us to slow down. She told me that I'm also too available. I'm always up for doing something with her. Maybe I'm still in the honeymoon phase and she's out of it now. I'm very confused. After our long talk, the night ended with a quick kiss and an exchange of I love yous.

She is very honest. Sometimes brutally honest so if she wanted to end things I'm sure she would have. I'm just not sure what to do. I asked her point blank what she wants from me and she said she didn't know. Right now we're still a couple but I'm doing my damnest to give her some space. It's tough not contacting her and just waiting to hear from her.

Like I said this is my first time posting. That's because normally I dont think it would be huge deal. I've been divorced and have been single now for 3 years. She has turned my world upside down and truly believe she's the one for me so I want to do all I can to make it work.

To whoever can get through this rambling please pass along your thoughts. So far I'm just trying to give space because I dont want to push her away but it's hard to take some steps backwards. Thanks in advance!

[Chinook]

I think, if I were you... I would back off a little. In the first stages of a relationship after the initial NRE stage (which in my experience the lady comes out of first) once things start to settle down, it's a case of getting used to each other.

 

By backing off, you're not taking a step backwards... you're investing more in the relationship. Have you ever heard of the saying 'killing with kindness?' That's what happens in the early stages of a relationship - things go way too quickly and the partners both need to adjust to each other. In the UK we term it as 'knocking the edges off' each other and basically it means just adjusting so that you both fit properly. If you back off and have a review (which is seems that she has done) you'll realise that it is much sweeter to take things slowly like this.

[tigger]

Awww - I'm so sorry!

 

Be true to who you are, because in the end, you will be all you have! Don't change your "style" of a relationship to keep this one. There are many women out there who would love the attention you are giving her, and would thrive in what you request of her.

 

On the other hand, if she is brutally honest with you, return the favor! Tell her your feeling confused! Tell her you aren't sure which direction to take this, and that she is sending you mixed signals. She might appreciate that given that she's told you she feels that you aren't forcefull enough.

 

She might be feeling a little "floopy" because she recently received her divorce papers. Think back the three years since you've been divorce - it's not a feeling I'm sure you can describe! She's just gone through this, and I would give her her space, however much you are comfy giving. If it turns out she needs more than you are willing to give, then maybe it's just not the right time for you two.

 

I have no doubt that she enjoys being with you, or that she loves you - being excited about meeting your Mom is HUGE! The reality that is divorce is finally hitting her. Maybe open up a line of conversation asking her how she is feeling about that particular aspect of her life right now. Make her dig deep into it - help her through her "floopy" feelings. It may bring you even closer together.

 

But more than anything I said - please remember to not lose yourself in someone elses ideals of a relationship! Good luck, I hope all works well for you!!!!!

[Guest]

Make her chase you more people alway want what they cant have..it is human nature!! Read the book the rules it was written for women but i think men can learn from it too. I was married to a man who was always available for me i walked all over him because he let me-I could never respect that in him... women do want that as crazy as it sounds...the thriil of the chase is part of the fun...so pick up some hobbies, hang out with some friends, exercise...just create a life outside of her she will respect you more. Good Luck!!

[mental_traveller]

Cut her off for a week and see how she responds. She wants space - give her more than she can handle.