Does cheating and lying catch up, will she do it again to the new Mr. Right

[Values]

My girlfriend broke up with me on Valentine's Day. After days and weeks of searching for answers I found out she had been cheating on me with a guy for the past 10 months. That guy thought he was her one and only as well. I had been with her for 2.5 years, she asked me to marry her early on and knew I was working hard saving money to do so. We talked about marriage and engagement regularly. Around Christmas she started seeing (having sex with) some guy in Georgia that I think she idolized. Now she is with a new (4th) guy and she claims to love him and it's so amazing all that crap, she used to say to me. When talking to the #2 guy who she saw for 10 months he told me she would call him "shug" and say exactly the same love "lines" she said with me. She ate Christmas dinner with my parents and exchanged gifts with my family, then went to his families house to do the same two days later. This girl is wealthy and from a classy family. She puts up a different front and lie to everyone she knows. Personally I don't see how any SANE person would have the mental capacity to perfectly execute a nearly 1 year long double life. Claiming to "love" both guys, who certainly blindly loved her. So there's four guys inside of 10 months, at one point 3 of us overlapped. And oh yeah, the entire time she is on birth control and is having unprotected sex with 2 if not 3 of us at basically the same time. Do I have any blame in making her this way when we had to temporarily live 90 miles apart or have these problems always been in her head. She even gave the #2 guy gifts for valentine's day that I had sent back to her when she broke up with me. She told him, "I made you this bowl" which she made for me 3 years ago. She made up a lie about having a relative sick and dying in the hospital just to go on a secret trip. Does a liar like this ever stop? Does she feel bad inside or is she crazy? Do you think she'll cheat on the new guy, who she claims is the most amazing love ever? BTW he has no clue as to who I am, or guy #2, or guy #3. I just feel like dying over her because here I am alone while she is having the time of her life, apparently cheaters do win at love and happiness.

[amaysngrace]

she asked me to marry her early on and knew I was working hard saving money to do so.

 

We talked about marriage and engagement regularly. she would call him "shug" and say exactly the same love "lines" she said with me.

 

Does a liar like this ever stop? Does she feel bad inside or is she crazy? Do you think she'll cheat on the new guy, who she claims is the most amazing love ever?

 

I just feel like dying over her because here I am alone while she is having the time of her life, apparently cheaters do win at love and happiness.

 

okay, well, my ex-guy had this problem too. there is a medical definition for this disorder. she probably mentioned marriage to you quickly to hook you.

 

she moves from one guy to another so she is never without the supply her 'guys' give her. she keeps them all hanging on for her sole purpose. she doesn't love anyone, herself least of all.

 

every new guy she has is the most amazing man ever. you were at one time too, don't forget. but you proved to be human and that is not good enough for her idealizations. so she found another perfect love, who in time, will fail her and she will devalue him as rapidly as she did you.

 

she is not winning. what she hopes to get from these guys will never solve the real problem...the one she has with her perception of herself. she does not like herself. she uses men to take their good qualities and actually in a way become these things her men represent. she will change her mind and become someone new with every new encounter she has. but she will remain unchanged, deep down.

 

anything good you saw in her was probably your own good qualities that she took from you and projected back.

 

i feel sorry for what you are going through. most of all, i feel sorry for her and others like her. they will never have a meaningful relationship.

[KittenMoon]

Um, that girl is obviously kinda psychotic- consider yourself really lucky to be away from her.

 

And i hope you got some STD testing.

[Values]

I welcome the feedback as I am losing weight and obsessing, and dreaming about her..... After she was born and up until she was about 6 or 8 years old her parents had her living with her grandmother, even though they were more than capable of supporting her and keeping her at home. (They're loaded) She remarked about her parent's not wanting her and I know it effected her some maybe a lot. She also claims to have been raped by her first boyfriend which resulted in a pregnancy and abortion about 4 years before she met me. Does she have daddy issues? Should I warn her new "amazing boyfriend" about her ways? She just spent a few grand buying the new guy a horse. Now, I'm the 3rd if not 4th guy she has devastated. And yes she took all my goodness and vitality from me. She is like some evil 24 year old witch who honestly sapped me of all my good qualities and has left me feeling the way she claimed to feel 2.5 years ago when we got together.

[amaysngrace]

After she was born and up until she was about 6 or 8 years old her parents had her living with her grandmother, even though they were more than capable of supporting her and keeping her at home. (They're loaded) She remarked about her parent's not wanting her and I know it effected her some maybe a lot.

 

She also claims to have been raped by her first boyfriend which resulted in a pregnancy and abortion about 4 years before she met me.

 

Does she have daddy issues? Should I warn her new "amazing boyfriend" about her ways? She just spent a few grand buying the new guy a horse. Now, I'm the 3rd if not 4th guy she has devastated. And yes she took all my goodness and vitality from me. She is like some evil 24 year old witch who honestly sapped me of all my good qualities and has left me feeling the way she claimed to feel 2.5 years ago when we got together.

 

 

this is what i have read. "narcissists" come about because of an unhealthy attachment to their parents, or from being raised by another narcissist. they may have a predisposed genetic trait that would allow them to become one, and they have no true sense of self.

 

they lie. she may or may not have been raped.

 

my exH was good about showering me with presents. he treated me like hell all year long but each Christmas i'd get diamonds to knock your socks off.

 

being with him was the single most emotionally draining experience of my life. you are probably feeling completely deflated right now. you need to get in tune with yourself. you should really seek answers to find closure with your past relationship with her, and then start concentrating on yourself. find out who you are again. you may have lost yourself a bit from being in this horrible relationship.

 

realize, this is not anything that you did. no one is going to snap her out of it. she will be like this for the rest of her life in all probability because narcissists seldom take blame for anything, so therapy just doesn't work. these are facts.

 

i hope you can find that happy place inside yourself real soon.

 

 

PS search engine "dr.irene" - it has very good info. the links are at the top

[CaliGuy]

I welcome the feedback as I am losing weight and obsessing, and dreaming about her..... After she was born and up until she was about 6 or 8 years old her parents had her living with her grandmother, even though they were more than capable of supporting her and keeping her at home. (They're loaded) She remarked about her parent's not wanting her and I know it effected her some maybe a lot. She also claims to have been raped by her first boyfriend which resulted in a pregnancy and abortion about 4 years before she met me. Does she have daddy issues? Should I warn her new "amazing boyfriend" about her ways? She just spent a few grand buying the new guy a horse. Now, I'm the 3rd if not 4th guy she has devastated. And yes she took all my goodness and vitality from me. She is like some evil 24 year old witch who honestly sapped me of all my good qualities and has left me feeling the way she claimed to feel 2.5 years ago when we got together.

 

Values,

 

I understand your anger, but reading back over how she treated you I almost have to say you should be glad to be rid of her. She definitely has issues and had you married her she would have certainly cheated on you.

 

Not because you aren't worthy, but because she has very low self-esteem and uses men to make herself feel better.

 

Once you come to grips that she has many, many issues and start to see her for who she is, you'll realize you are better off without her.

 

I know it might not make you feel good now, but I was in a similar situation once and when I finally took a step back to see the witch for who she was, we buuuuuuuuuurned her (ok, sorry for the Monty Python reference, but that's what I wanted to do! haha).

[Values]

I was tipped off to and found her man who she had been cheating with for the past 10 months and have had some long conversations with him. He's 32 pretty successful lives about 35-40 min from her, I'm 26 getting successful and have been living 80-90 minutes from her for a while. Talking with this guy has been therapy for both of us and we are planning on letting her father know that she's not just mean and hurtful but she is actually just plain nuts. Certifiable. My phone just rang, and it was the other guy from this past year. He told me he just talked to and confronted her. She is still lying about my relationship with her and saying that she didn't have sex with me. She says that she is going to get a restraining order against me or sue me for slander. She is still telling lies about two relationships that are completely over. WOW!

[CaliGuy]

Values, I truly believe you are treading in some seriously deep water. I would not recommend you contact her past ex's or current bfs.

 

I understand you are hurt, but this behavior is truly not healthy for you. What good does it serve you?

 

Be a bigger, better man. Let her go and move on. You've learned a valuable lesson about boundaries and what behavior you should and should not accept from a woman.

 

Let her dig her own holes. Let her screw up her own life. Don't get involved because I guarantee you that you will end up shouldering a lot of unnecessary blame and pain.

 

I don't side with her at all, but I will say that her reaction is not uncalled for. You don't own her. You aren't her parents and you really do not have any right to tell her parents anything.

 

You aren't helping her.

 

You are simply hurting yourself.