Messy situation

[Jacque70]

I just ended things with a guy I was seeing since November on Saturday night. I enjoyed being with him and we have chemistry but I couldn't see myself marrying him. Basically I noticed he drinks quite a bit, possibly at the point of being an alcoholic, he has told me he is worried about being a father because he has no patience for kids, and, while I think he enjoys my company, hasn’t really picked up the pace of our relationship. In fact, three days before leaving for a three week trip he came to my office to give me my birthday present because he wasn’t sure he’d have time to see me because he had to pack. This made me feel like he didn't want to spend time with me. Anyway, I think he’s sweet and I'm attracted to him, but I see some issues that I strongly doubt will go away.

 

It seemed like a relatively friendly/mutual breakup but now it’s really awkward at work. I’ve been told by friends that they can see that he felt more for me than he expressed. The problem now is that we work together in a relatively small building. In fact I saw him twice today, both times he acted as if he didn't see me. Yesterday I saw him at lunch and went up to say hi as I left. Today I didn't go out of my way to say hi, briefly said hi to his friends, but he didn't even look in my direction. That hard part of all this is that I do miss him and we had great chemistry, but feel this is the right thing to do because it will be harder the longer we date. And I don't flatter myself. I'm sure he'll get over it in no time or maybe already is. The problem is that we had a group of mutual friends, but I’m new and they’re really more his friends than mine. I understand that it changes the dynamics and I won’t invade his space. But I don’t want to seem like I’m being unfriendly to the group. I guess I’m just feeling like the bad guy and a bit of an outcast. Any suggestions on how to deal with this situation?

[Darkwall]

Excellent choice!! You are a smart woman.

 

You followed your gut instincts and your heart. Don't question or doubt what you knew was right. You broke up for a reason and believed it was the right choice so don't doubt yourself now. You're probably just missing his good qualities (that's normal) but you broke up with him because his bad qualities over powered the good. Remember that! Continue to be the woman that you are and be BIG by communicating and killing him with kindness. But be you. Don't be fake. This will force him to be equally mature and behave in a professional, manly manner. If it doesn't work than he's just proven to you and himself why you broke it off. In that case... just ignore him and go about your professional day, eventually he will just concentrate on his work.

 

I broke up with someone because i strongly believe his beer was going to be his best friend in the future. I now realise that just because I felt he liked his beer too much for my opinion doesn't mean he would turn into a drunk or a wife beater. But, I would never have tolerated all the beer. I don't regret it.

 

Since him I have met someone I know I will never love more.

 

You made an observation early in the dating process and it's your business who you allow to stay in your life.

 

Maybe the next time your ex ignores you at lunch approach him in a friendly way and just tell him the truth. "I" was uncomfortable with your drinking and didn't feel "I" would be happy in the future. At least you'll have given him closure and an opportunity to re-evalutate his behaviour if he wants a relationship in the future with someone else.

 

KEEP ME POSTED, hope this was helpful.