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Its happened to me....


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hugznkisses21

Ive been with my bf or i guess Ex...which brings tears to my eyes for 2.5 years. We love eachother with all our hearts. We live about i hr away and communication has always been a barrier so we did argue alot but regardless we toughed it out, made up and love eachother very much. I will admit at times it was quite stressfull cause we didnt see eachother too much and with him not being a very big communicator it was tough. A week before Xmas he told me on an overnight trip at that he loves me (which was a daily several times a day occurance) and said he would never hurt me and he wants to be with me forever. Things he said alot and did it with his whole heart as he looks into my eyes. Then till now we had our arguments nothing serious...mostly me looking for more attention then im getting cause sometimes its lacking and him shutting down when i tell him how i feel. We Just the other day he comes over to talk (or so i thought...freinds of ours told him he needs to talk to me...about what he wants and stuff in order for us to not srgue so much) He came over said we argue to much and its getting tough and said he thinks it isnt working.

 

We were both hysterical...both sobbing and crying and him saying he loves me sooo much and he doesnt want to argue to the point that we resent eachother cause he loves me so much.

 

So here I am....I broke down and called him this morning. I want him to know how much i want him, love him and how confussed I am. I miss him terribly. He also said he missed me loves me but said its what we have to do...plus he was very silent...im sure tearing up.

 

This sickens me. I work very hard at this lots of effort and i feel it isnt fair how this happened u know....like i put work into and he bails.

 

I think after X amount of years he is getting pressure from everyone to get married also me and it scared him too.

 

So i have a wonderful relationship with his mom. She wants to meet with me to talk over lunch. She knows what hes thinking. so that may be a good thing. Im scared. Im scared and when im scared hes the one that says its going to be ok....this is tough.

 

So the love of my life, they guy that was suppose to marry me (we talked all the time) and that made the sparkle in my eyes is gone. He said i promise we will try again sometime, I promise.

 

So i think my question is.....what is the best thing i can to work my darndest to get him back and help him see its ok, we can make it....i know we have given it chances but this worth fighting for. I know he loves me i can see how hard this is for him too.

 

I know move on, ive heard it all....but i can truely tell u guys this one cant get away. Deep in my heart hes it.

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OK.

 

First:

 

His mom does NOT know what he's thinking, (OH, PLEEEEEEEZE!)

 

Second:

 

You are hot, he is cold.

 

So you think by pouring on more 'hot', -he'll warm up.

 

Wrong.

 

He may love you, but he won't stick around someone who has a plastic bag that she's dying to pull over his head and smother him with.

 

You aren't happy with his 'un-touchy-feely' personality, and he isn't so wild about what he views as your spontaneous or constant over-the-top 24-hour 'kissy-poo' stuff, either.

 

Neither does he sound as prepared as you to start designing a future.

 

Let him alone for awhile.

 

Third:

 

Find out what things YOU need to change.

 

UNfocus on him.

 

And see what happens.

 

Don't 'half-do' your 'homework'....REALLY, REALLY give your behavior a look-see....that'll take time....and start making real changes.

 

Give him something less frightening to come back to.

 

And if he doesn't, you'll be better prepared to deal with it.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

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hugznkisses21

EXCUSE ME!!!

 

Ya thanks for the support.

 

Im a freakin independant woman who sees my bf once a week. If i was that smoochy touchy feely needy freak you are talking about i would see someone whom i would need on my arm everyday.

 

thanks alot....Its nice to have someone make u feel great when your heart is broken.

 

And for the record....no where did i write he has a problem with the amount of love i give him or me at all....we both love eachother....

Thanks for judging though....

 

Anyone with some real insight to break ups?

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hugznkisses21

One more thing....

"Plastic Bag"....Nice! So thats what u call a loving caring gf...Like i said that plastic bag only comes out once a week when we were together having a great time....UNBELIEVEABLE

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I don't think she was judging you. She was giving you a look through different eyes which is why we all come here. To take a look at the different perspectives, and see how others feel and deal with these and other situations.

 

There is no need to be on the defensive. Everyone here is here for the same reason as you.

 

Michelle

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I think the harder you fight to win him back, the more he'll pull away. My ex did this. Pushed so hard to prove we were "perfect". If he'd given me space, and time to work through my issues, to come to my own conclusions, we may have been able to get back together.

 

He pushed until I hated him.

 

Don't do this to your ex. Let him know your available if he wants to talk. Otherwise, Leave him alone. Space and time.

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Dear hugznkisses21,

 

RE:

:"... no where did i write he has a problem with the amount of love i give him or me at all...."

 

 

THE PROBLEM:

 

"....mostly me looking for more attention then im getting cause sometimes its lacking and him shutting down...."

 

"...said we argue to much ..... said he thinks it isnt working....said its what we have to do..."

 

THE PLASTIC BAG:

 

So the love of my life, they guy that was suppose to marry me (we talked all the time)

 

 

THE EFFECTS OF THE PLASTIC BAG:

 

"So the love of my life, the guy.....is gone."

 

 

THE DENIAL:

 

"...what is the best thing i can to work my darndest to get him back and help him see its ok, we can make it..."[/quote

 

 

THE ANGER:

 

"This sickens me. I work very hard at this lots of effort and i feel it isnt fair how this happened u know....like i put work into and he bails."

 

 

THE BALM:

 

"Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within."

-James A. Baldwin

 

 

I do care.

 

(Smile)

 

Keep posting.

 

-Rio

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Don't be hard on Rio. She's a good girl that gives great advice. There are a million ways to look at each relationship...she's giving you one.

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hugznkisses21

thanks for the opinions....

if was a bit harsh but i guess its cause it came out that way....when it comes down to it...hes a commitment phobe so its tough all around on me with him and without

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it sounds to me that he is looking for some space.

he promises that you guys will work things out in the future, so if you trust him, then why don't you give him some time to himself. i think he may want to have some time to himself to go over some of his thoughts.

some space will be good as it'll give him some time to miss you and think about the good things.

i know that the thought of giving him space seems like it will mean distance from you, but i have learned, space is something thats needed in relationships.

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hugznkisses21

hi guys...

 

Im doing great so far....

I have great support and i have evaluated many tings in our realtionship that made me unhappy...so im glad to move on and enjoy life. Thanks!

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wow. you got over that quick? are you sure you're ok? it was a 2.5 year relationship. you need to grieve the relationship or the healing process just takes longer.

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hugznkisses21

it was long distance...he didnt put a great deal of effort into and i felt lonely alot of the time anyway....im doing great. Im having alot of fun

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