KC514 Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 It is 5:20AM. I have not slept all night. I started dating a woman about nine months ago. She was wonderful and caring and thoughtful. Before we started to date we had known eachother five or six months. The short version is we fell in love. The longer, and decidedly more complicated version came when she told me over the phone after we had been dating for 3 months that during the six months before we were dating she was an "escort". That is the term she used. She was selling her body for money. She had quit about a month before we started dating, but felt guilty and had to tell me. The last nine months have been trying. I come from a very morally grounded family. I fell in love with a woman, but she is a former prostitute. I cannot even bring myself, after nine months, to introduce her to my mother because I feel ashamed and embarrassed. Part of me wants to end it, but I feel that I can't. I have no idea what to do. I go a week without thinking about it, and then I see something in the news or hear something in a movie and all the emotions come flooding back. I feel paralyzed, unable to leave her and unable to tell her how upset it makes me sometimes. I feel like I need to talk to someone about it. Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Do not judge her. She told you something that must have been difficult for her to say. She was honest. That is worth a lot in my opinion. Check your moral code, is forgiveness in there? Whatever pain it is causing you I am sure it is causing her more. She is "wonderful and caring". You "fell in love". Love my friend does conquer all. She trusted you with something about herself, now you trust her. My advice, hold this wonderful, caring and loving woman in your arms and tell her you love her. Don't let your own moral code ruin a good thing. You know I am right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author KC514 Posted December 25, 2005 Author Share Posted December 25, 2005 In my heart I know I should get over it and yes, it must have been harder for her. But if that is the case why does it bother me so much? What can I do to deal with the feelings when I have them? Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Love my friend does conquer all. No it doesn't. But the rest of witabix post is absolutely right. Look, the simple fact is that she has had more than ample opportunity to be with other men, but in spite of that she's chosen you. She has put that life behind her and is making a fresh start. There's no question that this will be difficult for both of you, but given the fact that she's open and forthright about it has provided a good foundation for the both of you to create something strong. So she has done the hard work of being honest and clear with you. I encourage you do to the hard work of accepting her for who she is. Will it be easy? No, not at all. But the sense I get is that it will be well worth it. Now, to specifics: How do you manage to get over this? Or, more to the point, how do you get to that place where you know of her history but it doesn't eat you up inside? One way would be to focus on the moment. When you are with her, be with her, not with her past. Be with her, not worried about the future. Be with her, not with the imaginings of her history. Be with her. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Forgive yourself for thinking negatively about her. Then forgive her, although she did not do this to hurt you, try to see past your own issues. I doubt if she did this as a career move. See the quality of her soul. Her past job as an escort, which is not a prostitute, is like any past job. Even if she were a prostitute that still does not give you the right to judge her any less of a person, it does not invalidate her existence. It does not invalidate her feelings for you. If it makes you feel so bad then you must give up what you have with her. I will bet though that you will regret that decision. Love does conquer, let it into your heart, love her right back. [EDIT] Just saw Slubs post, I still think it can conquer all Slub, I really do. Call me a silly romantic, but I still feel its true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
slubberdegullion Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 ^^^ what he said. (He's a smart dude, even though we disagree on the "love conquers all" statement.) Link to post Share on other sites
witabix Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Cheers Slub. I love you BTW!!!! Merry Xmas! Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 KC514, I think you should keep the lines of communication open with your significant other. Since she was honest about herself and communicated that to you, you should also tell her how you feel. I think thats only fair. Let her know her past bothers you. That you are trying to look past it but it is difficult because of your upbringing. She may have some words of encouragement for you. But also, you might want to question what brings somebody to beceome a prostitute. She may have some deeper issues that you may not know about or may have not fully manifested. Or it could be that she had a rough background. It may be good to bring some light onto those areas so that you guys can sort through those. I do belive in the power of change. Obviously for her to tell you something of such magnitude she must have built a deal of trust in you within those first few months. Also, the fact that she quit and is with you may be a sign that she wants to turn over a new leaf. How as your relationship with been? Has it been mostly positive? Negative? Link to post Share on other sites
UT_longhorn Posted December 25, 2005 Share Posted December 25, 2005 Also, since you are posting this in the "Breaking Up" section, I suspect that you are thinking about seperating? Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts