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I have tried to break up with my boyfriend numerous times, but I always cave and end up staying. If I just packed up my stuff and left, leaving him a note and giving him the option to call me to talk, does that make me a terrible person? Any time I try to talk to him, he cuts me off, starts yelling, or walks away. I can paste the letter here if anyone has any advice on it. Please let me know if anyone is interested in reading it and providing advice.

 

Much appreciated,

Ginger

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If you are breaking up and taking your stuff and leaving a letter because when you talk he cuts you off, starts yelling, or walks away.....why are you leaving a note telling him that it is OK to call you?

 

If you want him out of your life...get him out of your life. Don't keep leaving these doors open for him to walk back in when it suits him especially when you do not like the manner in which you are treated.

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slubberdegullion

Who says you owe him any explanation at all? If he's yelling at you, or walking away, that's all the reason you need.

 

I mean, you're free to paste the letter here or in The Last Letter thread, but you have reason enough to leave without explanation. If he doesn't get it, that's his problem, not yours.

 

And don't expect "closure," because there's no such thing. Pick up your life, go NC with him (no contact) and move on.

 

We'll be here to support you.

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This site has provided me with ALOT of courage and I truly appreciate the feedback that I get. So for those of you that respond. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

 

In response to closure, I do still care about him and feel that he does deserve and explanation. He's not very good at dealing with emotions and I think he uses yelling or walking away as a way to ignore or run from them. Anyways, it's long, but here's the letter:

 

Over the past year, our relationship together has changed dramatically. We have said a lot of hateful things to each other as well as admitting that we love each other, but make each other miserable. Both of us have struggled to make each other happy, without success. I truly feel that both of us have changed over the years and neither one of us are the same person we were two years ago.

When I first met you, you seemed to be happy all the time. Every time I saw you, you were with your friends, with a smile on your face, and an upbeat attitude. I don’t understand why, but now you are the exact opposite of the person I fell in love with. You never go out with your friends, you have a negative attitude, and you always seem to be depressed.

It is not my intention to place the blame on you for the unhappiness in our relationship. Not only you have changed, but I have changed as well. I always believed that if I found someone who loved me, nothing else in the world would matter. That regardless of finances, or other troubles, things would work themselves out. Unfortunately, I have grown to realize that there are times when love just isn’t enough.

I find myself growing resentful towards you for the limitations on my life. It is extremely bothersome that in the two years we have dated, you have made no attempts at getting a car. Yes, I know it’s difficult when you pay child support and do not have a high paying job, but even saving a little bit helps. To at least make an attempt to save would show some ambition. Our relationship has become extremely dull and monotonous because of this. It would be much easier if you could drive out and meet me somewhere after work. The last thing I want to do when I get off work is drive all the way home, pick you up, and go out again. It’s exhausting.

Although it’s extremely selfish and cold to say, I also find myself feeling resentful towards your children. Every weekend on Saturday nights your children are over and spend the night. I’m split in how I feel, because this is also one of the most admirable things about you. You are a great father to them and it’s amazing to see the dedication you have. I’m not sure whether it’s because they aren’t mine, or that I’m just not ready to have a family, but when Saturday night is the only night I have to go out, I would much rather go out and be with my friends than be at home with a family. I do love you, but I love my freedom too.

I find myself feeling trapped and it’s causing quite a bit of unhappiness and misery in my life. It’s hard for me to dedicate 100% of myself to you and your children when I am unhappy. It’s not fair to you or me.

I do love you, but find myself missing my friends as well as my freedom. I’m not ready to give those up. I miss being able to go out with my friends and not worry about asking for permission, or being given a curfew. You should be able to do those things as well, but you choose not too. I know it seems extremely selfish, but I do not want to lie about my feeling. I’m extremely sorry for doing things this way, but anytime in the past I’ve tried to convey my feelings to you, you either get hateful and angry, or I end up thinking I can make things work and then I’m back at square one. Delaying this is only causing more pain for both of us. I’ve learned to accept it as inevitable and this is the only means that I could get my feelings across.

Again, I apologize for everything and hope that you find happiness in the future. Always remember that I will be here for you if you need me and maybe things will be different between us in the future.

 

Does this sound really cold?

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slubberdegullion
He's not very good at dealing with emotions and I think he uses yelling or walking away as a way to ignore or run from them.

Exactly.

 

Now, before we go any further here, what are your expectations about this letter? Do you want him to change? Do you feel that it offers a cogent explanation of why you're cutting it off? I'm not sure I really understand the intent behind it.

 

And no, it doesn't sound cold to me, but he will undoubtedly take it in the worst possible way.

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I do actually feel like it gives a truthful and complete explanation as to why I'm breaking things off. These are re-occuring problems, so no it's not an attempt of reconciliation. Just pretty much letting him know that they are things I can no longer ignore. And I've had relationships that have ended with no closure. I don't want to end this one the same way. Hopefully it will help close the door on a relationship that just wasn't meant to be. And I also won't be worried about whether he's still waiting for me to come home.

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Just slip out the back, Jack

Make a new plan, Stan

Don't have to be coy, Roy

 

-Just get yourself free....

 

 

(From a song written probably before you were ever born...can't remember evry line of it...but the " get yourself free" part I'll never forget!)

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Ok. He is now being the nice, sweet guy I fell in love with. Apologizing for being so negative lately and actually caring about how I feel. I'm not really sure what to do now. I know this is only temporary, but how can I break things off when he's being so sweet? I'm scared and confused. What do I do?

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slubberdegullion
Ok. He is now being the nice, sweet guy I fell in love with. Apologizing for being so negative lately and actually caring about how I feel. I'm not really sure what to do now. I know this is only temporary, but how can I break things off when he's being so sweet? I'm scared and confused. What do I do?

Yes, of course he's done a 180 in the attitude department. He has likely picked up on your "vibes" that you're not happy in the relationship.

 

Now is the time to make your break. Again, you don't owe him anything, but if you have some burning desire to give him reasons, do it now while he's in a decent mood.

 

But don't get sucked in to staying. His current mood may be simply a tactic to keep you around.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted.

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I don't understand why my happiness makes me feel so guilty! I feel absolutely terrible inside and I haven't even said anything to him yet. I can't eat, I can't sleep, it's hard to even concentrate on anything. I'm not one who usually gives up on people. I have faith in him still and I don't want to give up, but I'm at the point where enough is enough. I'm 26 years old, going back to school to finish up my degree, and even though I shouldn't set a goal like this, I'd like to be married before I'm 30!!! Where would I be if I don't bail out now, instead of hanging in for a few more years to see if something changes? UGHHHHH. I hate dating. It would be nice if I was just "issued" a husband :( . Why can't we just find the right one right off the bat.

 

Sorry, got a little carried away with my rambling.............

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