JaneInVegas Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 I'm getting annoyed with this website ... I keep trying to log in and it says I am NOT logged in. Anyone else have this problem? Okay, so I've lived with John for a year now. It's his house, I gave up my apartment to move in with him. Obviously he had to give me a key to the house. After a couple of months he gave me a spare key to his truck. But he absolutely REFUSES to give me a key to his mailbox. He says it's a security issue, he worries about me getting ahold of his bank statements. I have full access to his social security number, that's almost the same security level as a bank account number, perhaps even more so. I told him if he doesn't trust me after a year, he never will, and is incapable of having a normal, healthy relationship. He disagrees because I have full run of his house and truck, and his SSN. It's really not the issue of the key itself here ... it's about trusting me after a whole flippin' year. I've threatened to walk because of this, because I don't feel I'll ever get the kind of relationship I need. PLEASE someone share your thoughts with me on this ... am I totally wrong to feel this way? Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Does your mail come there as well? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneInVegas Posted December 4, 2005 Author Share Posted December 4, 2005 Yup. My mail gets delivered into that same box, and I have no access to it. I have to wait until he gets home from work. I've never questioned his honesty, and I seriously doubt he is screening my mail. It's not his style. Link to post Share on other sites
westernxer Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Unless he's hiding something or has suffered a mail-related setback with an ex-girlfriend, I don't see why he'd refuse to give you a spare key. Maybe he likes screening your mail. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 Well, I am glad his needs are being met in this relationship. Screw yours! I would be FURIOUS!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
seachange Posted December 4, 2005 Share Posted December 4, 2005 ...yes. I guess there are lots of reasons why this guy might be doing this, but I can't think of a single good one. A year you've been living with him, and you can't get your own mail? Absolutely ridiculous. If he's not hiding something, he's freakily paranoid. Is he like that in other aspects of your relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneInVegas Posted December 5, 2005 Author Share Posted December 5, 2005 Well yes, Seachange, he does have a few paranoia tendancies, but nothing major. I'm not making excuses for him, but he was raised in a very rough, borderline violent environment, and I wonder sometimes if that made him a little on the paranoid side. Which makes me wonder if he'll ever be capable of a normal relationship. Why do relationships have to be so complicated?? Link to post Share on other sites
reddog63 Posted December 5, 2005 Share Posted December 5, 2005 Seems like a small issue to almost be walking out of relationship? Think about it...........for whatever stupid reason he wants to keep mail locked and your ready to leave him........just seems out of proportion. Maybe he doesnt want you to see his subscription to hustler magazine...lol. Link to post Share on other sites
jc Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 I can't believe he actually told you that he's worried about you getting a hold of his bank statements...this does seem like a trust issue, although people can be very secretive about their money, even in completely stable marriages. Maybe he's had problems with other girlfriends in the past getting a hold of his bank statements and abusing the "mailkey privilege". Overally, I think that if you love him and he loves you back, and the relationship is good, you shouldn't leave over this. But if this is just one of many problematic trust issues that keep popping up in the relationship, leaving him may be your best option. Link to post Share on other sites
luvtoto Posted December 7, 2005 Share Posted December 7, 2005 Seems like a small issue to almost be walking out of relationship? Think about it...........for whatever stupid reason he wants to keep mail locked and your ready to leave him........just seems out of proportion. Maybe he doesnt want you to see his subscription to hustler magazine...lol. I see it the opposite way...if he is this controlling about a mail box key...how would he act if it was something more major? Just my opinion. I've seen the type. Link to post Share on other sites
Author JaneInVegas Posted December 7, 2005 Author Share Posted December 7, 2005 Maybe he doesnt want you to see his subscription to hustler magazine...lol. I know this was meant to be 'for example', but we don't have that kind of relationship. (I would be more likely to subscribe to a porno mag than he would!) He makes it pretty clear it's a 'security issue', and unless he's just putting on a good show for a different cause ... I believe him. Which brings me back to - after a year, shouldn't he be willing to trust me? If not, would/will he ever? I have a hard time wanting to be in a long-term relationship if there's no trust. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts