I dated this girl for nearly 8 months, things were great, we got along really well, our familys liked each other. Her and i did everything together, hung out all the time. I couldnt have been happier. We told each other how much we loved one another and that we couldnt be happier with anyone else I bought her jewlelry for her birthday and on our 6 month anniversary. Took her out to dinner atleast once a week and movies. We both were content by just laying on the couch together watching tv.We went on camping trips together. We had a great sex life. I really thought this girl was the "one". But then things started to feel weird towards the end of the relationship, mainley when she was going to start her first year of college. I had a feeling that once she started school things would be different, i didnt want to believe it tho, we both talked about how we were going to get through school together and get married after. We both knew that seeing each other would be an issue because i was over an hour away. But we promised that we would try to see each other as much as possible. During the first week of school things were ok, we hung out that following weekend and things felt ok. but 2 weeks later she told me that she wanted to "take a break" she told me that we were dating,but just not together. This confused me. She said that she didnt want to feel tied down. about a week after that being said we sorta got back together and things didnt feel right, we hung out less and less, i tried to make plans and it felt she was just making excuses not to hang out. I know that most people in there first year of college want to make new friends and party. She started to drink more and more which i i hated cause i wasnt there. It made me extremely uncomfotable when she would get drunk 1 or twice a week and she has six classes. She is a very flrity girl and is all over everyone when she is drunk. THe thought of her with another guy makes me sick to my stomachFinally i decided it was time to end things all together because all she wanted to do was go out and party and not even try to hang out with me. I told her that i wanted to end it because it seemed like she didnt know what she wanted in life and i wanted to give her time to figure if i was the right one for her. I got a new apartment and i have been living in it for 2 months now and she hasnt been down once. After that, things really went down hill, a week after i broke up with her i told her that i missed her and that i wanted to make things work. THe whole thing seemed to back fire in my face. All she told me was that"you broke up with me., i tried to talk to her about it and she just got upset. I finally got an answer about it, she said that she was confused and didnt know who she was anymore and wasnt "interested" in dating anyone, we fought more and more. i would keep bringing up that i wanted to be with her again and i wanted to work things out. it seemed that she would fight me on everything and act extremely immature when i tried to talk about things as an adult. I understand that she is only 19 and Im 22 and she hasnt had the life experiences that i have had. I just soo confused. I really miss her. I just dont understand things. She says that she loves me, but how could somebody say and not want to be together. I m just not sure if she really loves,if she did she want to hang out all the time. and would try to get me back the whole thing just really hurts, after everything weve been through and everything we have said to each, i all feels like it was a big lie, and i feel used in the whole situation. I treated her like a princess cause i really loved her. I just need some advice in the whole situuation, what i should do, try to get her back or move on. Im not if she has said all this because she really doesnt know who she is, or its some excuse to see and have sex with other guys ,i just dont know. Somedays i dont know if i really want her back,cause later on things would go to hell again and then i would lose her all together.and i dont know if i could trust her again I dont want that, i still love her and i cant stop thinking about her. PLEASE help...anyone
I don't think you did anything wrong, life is just like this, but I do have to say that I understand her point of view... my BF of 3 years broke up with me earlier this year and after a month of crying and "lets work it out" without much responce I decided to move on... then at the 1.5 month mark after our split, he wanted me back... I said no and now I am with someone else... he is still really really hurt, which I feel aweful about, but when you are rejected like that you go through a lot and eventually you have to get over it... you feel powerless and like the other person has all the power since you want them back and you kind of know that they could have you back if they wanted even though you hate that fact. So you build up walls to them and tell yourself to be strong and when they do come and want you back it is kind of like you pushed them out and now there isn't a place for them... I am not saying that this is what always happens, but this is what happened for me... it sounds as if my situation was a bit more complicated in that we were together longer, it was the third time he had broken things off with me and our relationship had not been going well... so it needed to end... but now he is in your position really regretting his decision because he somehow thought he would always have the power in the situation and I just couldn't continue to give it to him... I don't know if that helps at all, I do hope that things work out for you... it sounds like you are the one making all of the effort, though, and she isn't returning the investment, which I know is a frustrating position to be in...
hi, I am sorry to hear that you are in pain, it sounds like most breakup situations where its going to be hard at first and just get easier with time. I understand that you are really torn up about her going to college and being confused and it totally makes sense that you are. Its pretty apparent that she needs to grow up, like you said, you are older and you have had some more life experience. As for right now i think the best thing you can do for yourself is to move on and try to keep busy with your own life and give her space. time will tell if you two were meant to be, it sounds like you guys had a great solid relationship before the college decision. Moving away and going to college or just moving to a different place and taking on a new life, throws people off, as it should i suppose, and its only normal that she is trying on her new life by getting ride of older things that tie her down. It totally sucks for yoU! but shes confused and hurt too it seems. So as I said, give it some time, i mean like months or even a year and maybe you guys will be together again in the future, but don't let that hope hold you back from new relationships or growing as a person.
thanx for the advice, im already starting to feel better about it, i guess the whole thing just wasnt meant to be, i had alot of hopes and dreams for the both of us. I just have a feeling that things wont work out the future, she seems like she really has her mind set, but i could be wrong tho. I do still think about her everyday. Its still hard to talk to her on the phone and i dont know if i should try to call her or let her try to call me with out seeming like i was avoiding her because we talk everyday or if i should even try to hang out with her and be friends. I think about her going to partys and gettin drunk and being all over another, it just hurts to think about it. any ideas anyone?
Sometimes i think that i might have brought up us being together again too much and i feel like i have pushed her away, i feel that i might have said some things that might have hurt even tho i didnt think that they would. when i brought it up, she would get pissed at me and flipped out and say that she was sick of talking about it, im just upset about the whole thing and i guess i m trying to find an answer that she cant give me. Sometimes when we talk on the phone, when she calls me or when i call her, it feels like there is alot of tension,and she doesnt act like she use to towards me, why? i try so hard to be nice to her and be a friend, but she seems to have anger towards me but im just not sure what i should do sometimes. i want it to work out soo bad, but at the same time i want a girl that will be happy to see me all the time, actually have a decent convo on the phone and at the sametime respect some of my wishes in the relationship. sometimes i felt i tried to hard to be what she wanted me to be instead of acting like myself. i m just really confused about her.
There`s a good chance that there`s another man involved. It may be nothing sexual YET, but the thoughts and feelings are probably there. That`s why she gets anxious and nervous when you talk. She probably feels guilty about something. And she doesn`t want to admit it. I could be wrong, but your situation reminds me a lot of mine a couple of months ago when things really went downhill.
You did not get what you wanted out of that relationship. Ask yourself why. But really, really why. Judging from the last sentences, it`s probably because you`re a "nice guy" who thinks that everything will be ok and he`ll get what is his and deserves if he`s "good", "nice", and loves the other person.
Well... You wont. I`m a "nice guy" too. I don`t demand what`s mine or what i deserve (yet, but changing that slowly). I thought things will always be good if i did good to everyone. Well guess what. You don`t have to be "nice" to everyone. I always wanted everyone to like me. I`d mask the truth, not state my opinion if it was different or could cause people "not to like me". F**k that. I don`t need everyone to like me. People who like me will like me the way that i am. I`m stating my demands, stating my opinions, getting what i deserve.
Lol i think i may have went a little overboard. But if you feel the same way, contact me, we`re not the only "nice, but bitter guys" out there. If not, heh... Guess i just had to vent.
Hey thanx for the advice
I was always a nice guy to her all the time, did everything for her,i felt that if i wasnt a nice guy all the time she wouldnt like me. so i say f**k it, if she really wants me back, then she'll stop all the bs and try to be with me. the way look at it is that she doesnt deserve me and everything i have to offer, the whole thing just hurts cause i was so good to her and how she could just up and not have feeings for me anymore sucks and confuses me. She has been hanging out with this guy named nick that lives in the same dorms as her. there supposdly "just friends" and that he doesnt do anything for her. but they have been hanging out alot lately, she has spent more time with him that we have in the last 2 months. last night she called me to telll me goodnight, as soon as i hung up the phone i tried to call her back cause i had something to tell her and she didnt answer her phone, i just think that there is something going on that i dont know about, i think she might be out drinking again and hanging off this dude, ive decided that i deserve a woman that will treat me with some respect and will like me for who i am, no questions. this girl just doesnt seem worth it anymore, too much heartache I ve decided that im going to cut off all contact with her, without her knowing, its the only way that i can get over her, everytime i get off the phone i get upset and i feel like im back to square one. i know that i will get over this and i m glad im not alone. shes just too immature for me i know i can do better.
IMO you`re taking steps in the right direction. Look... If i`m serious with a girl (not some flings or one night stands, not that there have been much of those), i`ll be loyal and faithfull, treat her good, but i`m no longer gonna do that to get get something in return. You see, that`s the ways "nice guys" think. I kinda see that in your post. Because you treated her like a princess, made compromises you didn`t want to, showed unterstanding, she should be good to you and love you. It won`t work that way. You won`t make her love you. Some of your actions will show that YOU love HER, but that doesn`t mean that she HAS to love you because YOU love HER. If she doesn`t, she gets the boot. Simple as that.
She doesn`t deserve you. She`s not the one for you. Hurts as hell, i`m in the same boat, but that`s the cold heart truth. We WANT them to be the ONES, but they`re not. It`s as simple as that. Do NC, and reflect on what you did wrong. But not to show her that you improved, or to get another shot. To improve yourself and not make the same mistakes with the NEXT girl.
Then, after a bit of time has passed, reflect on the relationship and her actions. It`ll become even more clear once you know the truth that she has atleast feelings for another guy (if not anything more).
Look, if she loves you and is THE ONE, she wouldn`t even entertain the idea that some other guy might be better for her, let alone request "space" to actually try someone else. The one you LOVE is the best. They have flaws, but you accept those flaws and love them all the same. Once you start comparing them with someone else, or thinking that someone might be better for you, believe me, the love has gone. (I`m talking about true love here, not infatuation etc.) And i won`t be with anyone who has doubts whether they love me. EVER.
What i`m starting to do is start to think that other people are guests in MY world. I`m not here to please everyone. The people around me are there for ME. Not the other way around. There are a lot of girls out there. Take some time off, don`t see anyone, so that you can get to a place where you are happy on your own, by yourself. Then, you could perhaps start getting into a serious relationship.
Get "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert Glover. I`m still waiting mine to arrive, but just by analyzing my thought process i`ve started to change (in a positive way).
I finally got some answers today that made me feel better but at the same time hurt like hell, i got olnline today and she imed, at first i didnt want to talk to her but i need to ask her some questions. i wanted to know why she wasnt in love with me anymore, she said that people change and she relized that our relationship wouldnt work out, (for whatever reason that was), i told her that i was devoted to her and that I would be good for her. She said that she doesnt want to be with one person for the rest of her life and that she was ready to settle down with anyone. Even tho i wanted to, i told her that it would be called datin, i just wanted to be with her, we didnt have to get married or anything, i guess i didnt understand how some one could be crazy in love one minute and not the next, it hurts, she told me that people change, i dont like the person that she has become. i feel in love with the girl back home. she was such a good person then, i think that the person she is now, was the one that she was the whole time, it just never came out until she was on her own and had no responsiblities. Its not the kinda girl i want o be with the rest of my life
I got thinking about it real hard after that, and ive come to the conclusion that the relationship was just too much of an emotional strain on me. i couldnt feel myself around her and go about my business with out having worry about what she thought of it, the whole thing really was too much for me. i want a girl thats just laid back and doesnt have a care in the world. takes life on lifes terms and be happy for the person that i am. Would always want to have a good time even when it didnt involve drinking, just have girl that was my girlfriend, but at the sametime be my best friend. thats what i want.
so ive decided that today is a new day and i m not going to worry about her anymore, she not my problem, ill someone else deal with her bullsht and i hope that one day she relizes what she had and that she can never have be back, cause i dont think that there will ever be any room for her, theres so many better girls out there
thanx for the advice guys, i dont think that i could have gotten by with out it. keep up the replies
i almost forgot...i asked her if there was anyone else that she was interested....she said no there wasnt. i dont think that she would tell me even if there was, thats fine, some things are just better off left unsaid...if she wants to be with someone else, thats fine, it just shows that she really didnt love me, time to move on
Yep. Mine said the same thing. "No, there`s noone else, and i don`t want there to be noone else." Guess what? I just saw her two days ago with an older colleague of hers. She`ll never tell you the truth... But you can be pretty sure that there is someone else. But again, not your problem anymore. She`s his problem now
Omega's right. There is definitely somebody else. You have to understand that a woman's philosophy is "the quickest way over someone is under someone", and she wouldn't have started blowing you off if she didn't have her eyes on someone else.
good outlook on the last few posts....you are moving in the right direction....
here is what to do now...
1. dont call her or contact her at all....and definately dont be the 1st to IM.
2. if she IMs, nothing about the relationship or you two at all...keep it light and fun....kinda like you were when you two first went out...but nothing obvious like you are trying to win her back, (since you really arent wanting to anyway at this point)
3. go to the gym and lift .....and start eating better too! if you already do, concentrate harder and make it worthwhile...
4. get a new hobby....no matter if you dont know what to do or not...pick something...then try it out.....if you dont like it in a week, try another and leave the old one behind
5. if you dont feel like going out, even though your friends are trying to get you out...dont go, do what you want ad what makes you happy.
6. Adopt a kid- they will give you something to take your mind off of things and occupy your time
7. go out and get yourself some new clothes if you can afford it...take the time to get a good fit and dont hesistate to ask for help from your more fashionable female (or male ) friends
8. do not talk to your "mutual" friends about her or about you and her...there is nothing good that can come from that! do not tell them how sad, how happy, how anything! it will get back to her and will only make you look like a sad sad man, or she will think you are lying because you are so great!!! no one who is really great walks around telling people how great they are (unless they are stuck on themselves and that is another story and a different meaning of "great" anyway.
9.if you do go out.....do not even mention her or the fact that you miss her....other girls dont care and will definatley not want to date ya...
10. dont rush into a relationship or anything that looks like one because you will end up hurting the new girl by not being over the last one (believe me on this, i am living it right now!)
oh, i almost forgot, #6 is a joke, do not adopt a kid (unless you want to and have the $ and time) but go for a dog, girls cant keep their hands off a cute dog!
She called me again and i found out some info that made relize shes not as heartless as i thought she was. She told me that she was still really upset about the whole thing and broke down last night to one of her friends. the guy that i thought she has a thing with. she told me that when they hang out, all they talk about is her and i. so i guess she is upset about things, i thought that she didnt care much about it cause she hides her feelings really well. I told her that i was sorry for some of the things that i might have said to her in the times that we were fighting, she said that it was ok that she understood how i felt and that i was upset over the whole thing. But i told her that it sucks that we cant be together, that we really could have gone someone, her response was that she "just cant do it right now" she also was sorta happy to be single, and that we grew apart from each other. (her mom is also really pissed that we broke up by the way) i guess this gives her the freedom to do whatever the hell she wants with not having to answer to anyone. I m starting to feel better about things, today really made my head clearer. im not going to even try to go out of my way to call her, ill let her call me if she wants to talk cause i have a feeling that she still has some feelings for me, people just dont get over these things overnight, when i talk to her i wont even bring sh*t ill up just have a pleasant convo with her, even tho it hurts to talk to her. i guess ill be her friend even tho im not sure if i should at this point, i just want to get over the whole thing and move on cause im still hurt.
She also asked me what i was doing this weekend, i said that i had alot of stuff to do, cause i think that its too early to see her, i might get all f-d up if i see her now, i thinkt that i will give her some time, as some point i know that she will miss me, i dont know if it will a miss a friend type thing of miss, or if she misses being with me, i dont know, dont care anymore, only time will tell, right now i need to do stuff for myself, and heal over all this. I hate this kind of pain, this is so much worse than the break up i had 3 years ago. but honestly, if she ever came back, i dont know if i would get back with her, i dont think that i could feel the same about it
one other thing, she said that this "time for herself" wasnt to see other guys, i dont know if thats a bunch of crap or not, it doesnt seem like theres someone else when i talk to her, i could be wrong, you just dont know with women these days....
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