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Her newborn faith = the end of our relationship


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Hello all,

 

This is my first post here on these forums. I am in a 4 year relationship with a woman that I love very much. We have been talking about marriage now for at least a couple of years, however serious plans have had to be placed on hold while she finishes up her graduate degree. She had been out of the state on school related work for 3 months and just recently returned.

 

She told me about 3 weeks ago that she had an "enlightening" experience while at church 3 weeks ago and told me she wants to become more familiar with Christianity and the Bible and wants to continue to strengthen her relationship and love for God. I thought this was a very good idea and told her so. She has been studying and working very hard for the past few years at school and has not had much time to explore her faith.

 

However, she stated that what she had been reading and what was in her heart about her believes about Christianity and God were making it difficult to stay with me. I believe in God, but am not a Christian. I tend to follow the teachings of Buddha more than the teachings of the Bible. She told me that she is having serious doubts about our future together and has stated that only faith in the Lord will help her decide what path to choose. She says God will show her the way.

 

This all happened very quickly and I have been struggling over the past couple of weeks to get a handle on the situation. I was relatively shocked to learn about her sudden internal dilema. Up until recently we had no serious relationship issues and we both would talk about our future together in great detail and with great ease.

 

I believe the three months apart has done a lot to hurt our relationship as has the exhaustive work schedule she has had for the past two years while at grad school. We live in different yet neighboring cities, but still would spend every weekend together and we talked on the phone each night through her schooling before she went on her recent 3 month internship.

 

I am seriously considering ending the relationship. Almost more than anything I desire someone who is willing to accept me for who and what I am. I have explained to her that many couples have working, successful relationships even though they are of differing faiths. I have offered to regularily attend her church and church related functions and have asked that she take time to learn about Buddhism and other religions.

 

This is the second time my beliefs have become an issue. We had a discussion when The Passion of the Christ came out. She had a questions about accepting the fact that I did not believe in Christ as the savior and son of God, but she told me after some thought that she could accept my beliefs and live with them. It seems though that she has not been able to do this.

 

Advice is appreciated. We have nearly the perfect relationoship dispite this issue. We are very open and honest with each other. I would hate to have to end the relationship. She is out of the country for 2 weeks right now and I am taking this opportunity to make a decision, trying to do so without malice and anger in my heart.

 

Thank you.

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ReluctantRomeo

Read 1 Corinthians 7v12-20. Especially the bit at the end - "Each one should remain in the situation he was in when God called him". The context, as you will see, is what you do with pre-existing relationships when you become a christian.

 

Bear in mind though that you will both have to show a certain amount of patience to make this work. And that new faith can often be over-enthusiastic - she may do and say things which she would want to nuance later.

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Religion is an area that can break a relationship. The fact that you follow Buddha is going to be a road block to a devout Christian. Unless you can each accept each others beliefs I don't see a good outcome for either of you.

 

Sorry... :(

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As reluctant said a new found faith in Christ can be a very powerful and strong change in ones life and maybe at this moment your GF is feeling that she needs to get rid of anything that may be a hendrance to her faith in God...however in my opinion, and I am a Christian who very strongly believes in God...I feel that God did not judge He wants people to believe in Him and to accept Him in their hearts....so with that said if you believe or have strong values in another religion she (as your GF) should open her eyes to the fact that there are other belief systems out there..however at this point she might not be ready.

 

If you love her and see a future with her..give it some time and see what she does...right now she might be on a bit of a God high and that's all good but sometimes we have to re-ground our thinking a bit and realize judge not less ye be judged...who are we to say what religion or belief system is the perfect one..

 

just my .02

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Originally posted by mojo33

I have explained to her that many couples have working, successful relationships even though they are of differing faiths.

 

Really? I have never seen this work. Ever. Especially in regards to spiritually connected couples. And from the sounds of your post, a deep and intimate partnership is the sort of relationship you are seeking, and not one based on mere companionship / toleration.

 

Originally posted by mojo33

Almost more than anything I desire someone who is willing to accept me for who and what I am.

 

I think you should also be asking yourself some important questions: Are you really willing to accept her, and her potential extremism? Do you want to be in a relationship with a religious zealot?

 

(which is the path she appears to be heading down)

:(

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butterfly29

I thought God is supposed to help us heal from broken love and regain trust in ourselves and others, not the opposite.

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Thank you all for the responses. These are some really good replies.

 

I don't think she is becoming a zealot, but you never know. I have seen this pattern of discovery/learning many, many times before. I struggled at a very early age(11) with faith and religion and spent many years in establishing my own belief system. It is one, in part, based on tolerance and acceptance, yet I know that many people who have "seen the light" are very protective of their beliefs at first, before they realize fully their faiths...if they realize them at all. They lack the understanding that someone else's differing opinions really pose no threat to their own.

 

At one point she asked me to convert to Christianity, saying she would be unable to accept me unless I did, but she changed her mind rather quickly. I feel she is someone who is struggling with faith and is very unsure about a great many things. Thus, she is letting God decide for her what turn our relationship will take. While I can understand this decision, my soul desires someone whose faith in our relationship and love would remain unshaken given any scenario or issue that would come up. This particular issue seemed to arise out of the blue and thus I worry about future issues that would undoubedly arise.

 

I am genuinely interested in hearing more opinions. I have time to think about this and weigh all input. I have been very patient and have tried to be very understanding and will continue to do so. Thanks again.

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ReluctantRomeo
Originally posted by Israfil

Really? I have never seen this work. Ever. Especially in regards to spiritually connected couples. :(

 

I have. My cousin, for starters. My best friend too. They are both among the most connected couples I know.

 

It does take more work though. And the use of extreme language - labelling them as zealots or extremists - is a definite no-no.

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ReluctantRomeo, how are the couples you know able to handle the religious/spritual differences? What kind of faiths do they have? What kind of compromises do they share?

 

I am very interested in learning how successful couples cope with differing religious beliefs.

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