Beating myself up

[Dodevu]

Was with her for 7 years (17-24) she moved jobs 3 month before BU and we kinda drifted apart.

 

We had an argument and I was feeling insecure and tried to get her to react over text but she didn’t it was like she didn’t care anymore, so I snapped and told her ‘let’s not speak for a week then n I don’t feel like I trust you anymore’, seemed like she wasn’t bothered about that too (but obviously can’t tell 100% over text).

 

I got worried n regretted it so I called her on her lunch break 2 days later and she said it’s over, I couldn’t

We had our last phone call and I asked ‘how long were you thinking of doing this’ and she said ‘1-2 months’ then blocked my number and I went NC for 30 days and messaged her on Facebook and she blocked me there too.

 

Thing that keeps playing in my head is what if she’s lying and just trying to act big infront of her sister as I heard her in the background.

 

I guess what I’m trying to ask is surely you don’t throw away 7 years and a wedding booked next year after one argument? I said to her I obviously didn’t mean it she knows how insecure I get sometimes, I understand I should have communicated about my insecurities but I’m sure she would of had a go st me about it.

 

People are telling me there is more going on in the background that I probably will never find out about.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

People don't end a 7 year relationship to "act big" in front of someone else. And, it doesn't sound like she ended it over "one argument" since you have admitted this pattern of insecurity-fueled communication was to be expected by her, and probably tiresome for her, hence her thinking of ending it for 1-2 months.

 

People change a LOT between the ages of 17 and 24. (Or at least they should) It sounds like you two just grew out of each other .

[Dodevu]

People don't end a 7 year relationship to "act big" in front of someone else. And, it doesn't sound like she ended it over "one argument" since you have admitted this pattern of insecurity-fueled communication was to be expected by her, and probably tiresome for her, hence her thinking of ending it for 1-2 months.

 

People change a LOT between the ages of 17 and 24. (Or at least they should) It sounds like you two just grew out of each other .

 

Thanks for that, it’s just weird how 2 months before the BU she had a tattoo booked related to me and was excited about the wedding, but yeah I guess people do change especially when you’re with new people 8 hours a day.

 

It sucks because I know I could of given more but the fact is for some unknown reason she just didn’t want it, I’ll never forget how cold and horrible her last phone call was.

 

I’m just glad it happened now instead of later down the road, I have so much to look forward to as I’m trying my best to make a positive from this negative, and who knows maybe one day she might check up on me and realise I’m back to that confident, happy, motivated guy that she fell in love with... Or she might just not care lol.

 

Appreciate the reply.

[Young mind]

Yes it's true people don't throw away a 7 year relationship, but I'm sure you've seen people throwing away a 20 year marriage, so it's a generalization, although the memories won't be erased, if she felt it's the right thing and this might be a classic example o the dumper emotionally preparing for months.

 

I don't know what you mean by "you're glad this happened now" but you should own part of the breakup, it's not a game, both parties have parts to play and with time you will see you did somethings wrong.

 

For now, analysis is great , work on yourself, and attempt to move on gradually

[Dodevu]

Yes it's true people don't throw away a 7 year relationship, but I'm sure you've seen people throwing away a 20 year marriage, so it's a generalization, although the memories won't be erased, if she felt it's the right thing and this might be a classic example o the dumper emotionally preparing for months.

 

I don't know what you mean by "you're glad this happened now" but you should own part of the breakup, it's not a game, both parties have parts to play and with time you will see you did somethings wrong.

 

For now, analysis is great , work on yourself, and attempt to move on gradually

 

I mean i'm glad it happened now not 10 years or so later when i'm too old for uni and have a family etc, trust me I know I played quite a big part in this and I have beat myself up about it but I literally didn't think I was doing this much damage.

 

I was thinking about sending her an apology letter in September but i've been told it's a stupid idea especially how i've been treated post BU.

[ExpatInItaly]

What was this final argument about?

[Dodevu]

What was this final argument about?

 

Mainly to do with fact she kept going out with friends whilst I stayed at home trying to save as much money as possible, thought it was unfair so I told her about it n it turned into a big argument. Then when she text me saying she’s going sleep at midnight she would be up until like 2am on WhatsApp messaging who knows.

 

I confronted her about that and we argued and it made me insecure thinking something was up as she seemed like she didn’t care anymore so I said I don’t trust you n let’s not speak for a few days to calm down, then I rang her 2 days later n she was finished.

 

I guess she had been thinking about it previously as when we would see each other we would argue too, when she dumped me it felt like it was a relief to her as she was cold as anything n I guess you don’t turn like that in a few days.

[ExpatInItaly]

Mainly to do with fact she kept going out with friends whilst I stayed at home trying to save as much money as possible, thought it was unfair so I told her about it n it turned into a big argument. Then when she text me saying she’s going sleep at midnight she would be up until like 2am on WhatsApp messaging who knows.

 

I confronted her about that and we argued and it made me insecure thinking something was up as she seemed like she didn’t care anymore so I said I don’t trust you n let’s not speak for a few days to calm down, then I rang her 2 days later n she was finished.

 

I guess she had been thinking about it previously as when we would see each other we would argue too, when she dumped me it felt like it was a relief to her as she was cold as anything n I guess you don’t turn like that in a few days.

 

The bolded parts are the key here.

 

She didn't suddenly decide she didn't want to be with you; it seems she's been pulling away for a while and didn't know how to tell you. The argument was the opportunity to make her exit but I would imagine that exit would have happened at some point anyway, if she'd been distancing herself from you.

[Dodevu]

The bolded parts are the key here.

 

She didn't suddenly decide she didn't want to be with you; it seems she's been pulling away for a while and didn't know how to tell you. The argument was the opportunity to make her exit but I would imagine that exit would have happened at some point anyway, if she'd been distancing herself from you.

 

Yeah it sucks knowing that those thoughts were plaguing her mind and she didn't bother telling me, eats me up inside. I guess she got what she wants in the end (as much as it hurts for me to say).

 

Trying my best to be positive about it, keep reminding myself of how cold and horrible she was to me during the break up, how can someone break up with you over text that you've loved for 7 years? Just horrible.

 

Thanks for the reply.