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Boy Nonsense


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This is confusing, but i'll do my best to give a condensed version...

 

I didn't date anyone until I was 18. Then I met, Boy A, my first true love, and we were together for 4 years. Two of those 4 years were long-distance and it became too much. Our feelings for each other had pretty much died out, and even though I initiated the break-up, it was mutual.

 

In the last months of my relationship with Boy A, I met Boy B and we hung out as friends. As soon as my first relationship ended, I jumped right into a relationship with Boy B. So, we have been dating for 6 months. The first 3 months were awesome, the last three not so much.

 

Boy B and I are pretty much living together now. I work 49+ hours a week and he is taking classes right now (not working). I have recently become frustrated that he does not clean or do anything (but play video games) while I work, then I come home from work and have to clean, etc.

 

In the mean time, I have been trying to be really careful around the boys I hang out with. If I feel any tension or attraction, i'll just stop hanging out with them. Unfortunately, I missed one. I hung out with Boy C four times last week, and two of those times we kissed. We both agreed that we liked each other a lot, but neither of us is ready for another relationship. Yes, he did know that i was taken but I did not speak highly of my relationship. Boy C is now going to school out of state, so I may never see him again; though we are continuing contact through email.

 

The first day I hung out with Boy C, I decided that I did not want to be with Boy B and that I wanted to get my act together and move away and get a real job (as was my plan before I met Boy B).

 

Over the past few days, Boy B and I have been talking about breaking up. I brought it up, in the context of moving away to get a job. I also brought up all the issues about working and cleaning. He spent a day being the "model boyfriend." Yes, I completely realize that his act will probably end once the threat of me leaving is taken away.

 

So, I pretty much ended it with Boy B two days ago. I said "i do not want this" and then started sobbing (because i just felt really bad, since he likes me so much). He started to leave, but instead begged for thirty minutes about how i have to trust him that he is willling to change, and that this is a wake-up call and that he knows he can do better. (Oh, I should add that Boy B is 20 years old; I am 22). Right now, we are still sorta together, just on shaky ground, and he is still staying at my apartment. So, I really do believe him that he is willing to change, I'm just not sure i want him either way.

 

I am still on the verge of breaking up with him, and if I do, it will be purely out of shallow and selfish reasons:

Shallow, because I am not physically attracted to him at all, I was merely attracted to his personality (and his unlikliness of my ex) nor does he 'do it for me.'

Selfish, because I think I just need some time to be single and to solve some of my own personal problems. I haven't been single in 4.5 years, and i'm really really aching for my independence.

 

It's just so difficult because he likes me a lot and he is really really really nice. I am his first girlfriend, of course he doesn't want to lose me. I'm not sure if it matters, but we've never said "i love you." We both care for each other a lot, and we both signed onto a year lease to live together in August, so I know that shows our love, but it's never been said.

 

Anyway, I guess I just need to vent and ask for outside opinions.

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ReluctantRomeo

Full marks to you for recognising that you have been selfish here. Recognition is the first step to recovery.

 

Be careful about this "aching" for independence. I think it may be an illusion for you - the grass is greener and all that. Your track record suggests you line up the next one... something in you doesn't want to ever be independent.

 

If Boy B has no chance, you must tell him this now. Be very kind. Explain it just isn't working for you.

 

Don't jump straight into a relationship with Boy C. Take time to process your issues. Especially the selfishness - this is going to cause you and your men a lot of unhappiness in the future if you don't deal now. You're too young to have experienced the karma thing - I promise you that your actions *will* come back to haunt you later.

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