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Do we have any chance of getting back together?


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I was dating this girl for almost 2 years. First year and a half was incredible, we were happy and truly in love. The last 4 months were rough, we argued a lot, we didn’t see eye to eye on the things. I always felt that I was the one going out of my way for her and she wouldn’t in return. We kept pushing, I kept spending time with her and her family they loved me and I loved them. She started having personal problems within herself. She’s a very proud girl who hates any confrontation and doesn’t know how to handle adversity. I started feeling neglected and that I wasn’t a priority. She said she wasn’t happy with her life, that she wasn’t happy with not being back in school, with her job, her body, and family pressure. I tried my best to be there and show her I was and she knew I was but she just wouldn’t go out of her way for me like I did for her. We got into a huge argument cuz I was upset she didn’t make any alone time with me. She said that she doesn’t know what to do about me that she’s stressed out with her life. I told her what did I do and she said it’s not me that I’ve done nothing wrong but that she feels she should be doing something else. I told her to do what she has to do. So we squashed it.

A week later we are out of town with her family get in another argument for same reason (not making time for me). We talk fine all week, then she shows up at my house a week before our 2 year anniversary and breaks up with me. Tells me she doesn’t wanna be with me anymore, that she isn’t happy and sees I’m not happy. And that she can’t force herself to be with me. She leaves. Within the next 2 weeks she blocks me on IG and Snapchat and I do no contact, last Saturday it was my cousins bday party, (she works with him). She shows up to the bar for the celebration. It’s my first time seeing her since we broke up and she acts like I don’t exist. Completely ignored me all night and my family, and was standing 5 ft from me. She was acting all happy with her coworkers like if she didn’t have a care in the world. Needles to say, I got drunk and ended up drunk texting her saying no one can love her like I can. She responded the next day saying that to please stop trying to convince her no one will love her like me. I don’t know what to do. We talked about marriage and kids and she’s just so cold. My heart tells me to just give her time cuz she needs to just organize her life, but her actually showing up and acting like I don’t exist to my own cousins event killed me. What should I do? My heart says she cares and just needs time, but I feel by drunk texting her it’s too late. I feel like she checked out a while back but at the same time I feel our love was strong enough and real enough for with time she’ll be back. What do I do?

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I'm not the one to push too much into the line of "checked out months ago" maybe it's the case, but let's assume it happens and that's a basic explanation you can live with.

 

Things happen in life with stress etc, but ask yourself why you suddenly are at the end of the stick here, take this as nothing to do with you, I was in the same shoes few months ago, had arguments like you in the preceding months, but when your gf doesn't want you anymore, she says my life is so stressful, work etc, this is not about you, this is someone who can't handle themselves, and always searching for someone to put the blame on, in a few months you will realize, it wasn't really all the stress , it was the imagination that the stress was coming from you and without you it will be okay and perfect again.

 

Accept the finality of the breakup as she has blocked you and not speaking to you when you were in the same room, clearly indicates she wants to close that chapter .

No grand gestures, and no drunk texting, try to move on with your life, slowly but diligently, you will definitely feel better in a few months

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You’re right, everyone has told me that but I just feel it in my heart that deep down she still wants me...that she just needs to and for lack of a better word grow up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I'm not the one to push too much into the line of "checked out months ago" maybe it's the case, but let's assume it happens and that's a basic explanation you can live with.

 

Things happen in life with stress etc, but ask yourself why you suddenly are at the end of the stick here, take this as nothing to do with you, I was in the same shoes few months ago, had arguments like you in the preceding months, but when your gf doesn't want you anymore, she says my life is so stressful, work etc, this is not about you, this is someone who can't handle themselves, and always searching for someone to put the blame on, in a few months you will realize, it wasn't really all the stress , it was the imagination that the stress was coming from you and without you it will be okay and perfect again.

 

Accept the finality of the breakup as she has blocked you and not speaking to you when you were in the same room, clearly indicates she wants to close that chapter .

No grand gestures, and no drunk texting, try to move on with your life, slowly but diligently, you will definitely feel better in a few months

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You’re right, everyone has told me that but I just feel it in my heart that deep down she still wants me...that she just needs to and for lack of a better word grow up

Watch the new Chris Rock stand up "Tamborine" on netflix. He talks about women 'checking out months ago' and he's pretty on point with it! ;)

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Sorry to hear about this. Unfortunately the blunt answer to your question is no. For quite a while (hard to tell how long) she just hasn't been in the relationship in the same way you have been all this time. And this part..

 

She’s a very proud girl who hates any confrontation and doesn’t know how to handle adversity.

 

...really doesn't help her case. Rather than deal with issues, she sat on them until they came out in all your little arguments... which led to resentment and ultimately the end of the relationship.

 

I know it really sucks at the moment, unfortunately you gotta feel this one out and take some time to heal. Best of luck.

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You’re right, everyone has told me that but I just feel it in my heart that deep down she still wants me...that she just needs to and for lack of a better word grow up

 

She may still want you. But she's tired of not being able to meet your relationship expectations and sick of you calling her on it.

 

Unless you are willing to reconsider your needs, she's not the one for you.

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When someone is no longer making time for you, and ends it, they have already emotionally detached. She might indeed still care about you and is letting her pride get in the way of being civil, but that doesn't mean she still wants the relationship.

 

I'm sorry you're going through this. I know it's an awful feeling.

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username1982
I was dating this girl for almost 2 years. First year and a half was incredible, we were happy and truly in love. The last 4 months were rough, we argued a lot, we didn’t see eye to eye on the things. I always felt that I was the one going out of my way for her and she wouldn’t in return. We kept pushing, I kept spending time with her and her family they loved me and I loved them. She started having personal problems within herself. She’s a very proud girl who hates any confrontation and doesn’t know how to handle adversity. I started feeling neglected and that I wasn’t a priority. She said she wasn’t happy with her life, that she wasn’t happy with not being back in school, with her job, her body, and family pressure. I tried my best to be there and show her I was and she knew I was but she just wouldn’t go out of her way for me like I did for her. We got into a huge argument cuz I was upset she didn’t make any alone time with me. She said that she doesn’t know what to do about me that she’s stressed out with her life. I told her what did I do and she said it’s not me that I’ve done nothing wrong but that she feels she should be doing something else. I told her to do what she has to do. So we squashed it.

A week later we are out of town with her family get in another argument for same reason (not making time for me). We talk fine all week, then she shows up at my house a week before our 2 year anniversary and breaks up with me. Tells me she doesn’t wanna be with me anymore, that she isn’t happy and sees I’m not happy. And that she can’t force herself to be with me. She leaves. Within the next 2 weeks she blocks me on IG and Snapchat and I do no contact, last Saturday it was my cousins bday party, (she works with him). She shows up to the bar for the celebration. It’s my first time seeing her since we broke up and she acts like I don’t exist. Completely ignored me all night and my family, and was standing 5 ft from me. She was acting all happy with her coworkers like if she didn’t have a care in the world. Needles to say, I got drunk and ended up drunk texting her saying no one can love her like I can. She responded the next day saying that to please stop trying to convince her no one will love her like me. I don’t know what to do. We talked about marriage and kids and she’s just so cold. My heart tells me to just give her time cuz she needs to just organize her life, but her actually showing up and acting like I don’t exist to my own cousins event killed me. What should I do? My heart says she cares and just needs time, but I feel by drunk texting her it’s too late. I feel like she checked out a while back but at the same time I feel our love was strong enough and real enough for with time she’ll be back. What do I do?

 

I felt like saying something here, because I can really relate to your case. I am the girl, that got dumped by my ex after a 3 year relationship, for a very similar reason. Actually your story is very similar to mine. And by a silly twist of fate, we also bumped into each other in the middle of the day at an office. He had to wait in line and I was there too. He saw me waiting in line and passed right next to me, pretending he didn't see me. He was all jolly, happy and laughing, flirting with the lady at the counter. That also destroyed me, especially because it was 5 days after our break-up. We lived together for 3 years, side-by-side, and 5 days before this embarrassing encounter at the office, we had still slept in the same bed..It absolutely destroyed me and I could never figure out how he could simply ignore me like that...

 

My opinion is that both in your case and my case, both parties checked out of the relationship earlier. For some reason they kept holding on to it for a while (whether it was because they still somehow cared about us, or perhaps didn't want to hurt our feelings), but once they made up their mind - they were instantly out of it. They moved on from this relationship way before the actual break up happened.

 

Just like you, I keep wondering if he will ever come back. If he will ever be able to look back and appreciate what we had, the connection we felt and also the good times we shared. You can never know..

For now, I am almost certain that they feel relieved to move on from this relationship (which thus explains their instant detachment).

 

Will they ever be back? I don't know. I am still broken and devastated...I think about him all day every day. I am in my late twenties, and he is in his late thirties. It's not like we have never experienced relationships prior to this..it's not like we are immature and need to grow up. I really thought that this man was the one for me, and now that he is gone...the void is huge..

 

I hope you can find strength to accept it and carry on...Who cares if they still want us, think about us, miss us or care about us? the truth is, they are not begging for us to come back...in fact it even looks like they have moved on already...hang in there, you're not alone...

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