Delete him & his friend off facebook?

[Danielle8]

Hi guys,

 

I would really appreciate your insight in this situation. We dated for only about 5 months, I was really in love, he did not treat me well at all, however, i could not bring myself to breaking up with him. It was him who ended it. This was in July 2017. This split was kinda messy, I cried and it was generally really unpleasant. I recently found out he started seeing another woman in September... and they are probably still together. I didnt know about this at all until last Monday...

 

I reached out to him in october when he passed a really important exam. He thanked me for the congrats. Then I also reached out on his bday in November, he replied after 5 days something like “thanks, Sorry for being late, Im good. You?” We saw each other for th first time after 5 months at a christmas party and he stopped by and asked how I was. I asked if he wanted to go out for coffee, he said he “would love to”. Then I replied to his text regarding his birthday (he said thanks after 5 days and asked how I was... i did not reply until after the party about 2 weeks later). Then he did not reply to this last message. Then we met each other in town, he walked down the street and saw me and he did not even say hi, I was really upset as I found this really rude. When I congronted him He said he did say hi and asked to meet up for a coffee. But then he did not suggest when. So i asked him in February. Again, he was like “sure!! When would you like to go?” We settled on a date and time and then the day before we were supposed to meet he cancelled because he was busy and asked if we could reschedule. I said “if you wish, dont wanna be in the position Im forcing you...” to which he did not reply at all.

 

seriously, I was upset that we (or he) were just not able to talk like adults. Wanted to be on good terms and see how he was. Im really tired of this situation and want to get him out of sight for good.

 

I just dont want to cause any drama by deleting him off fcb. He will probably think Im being dramatic and overreacting.

 

I want to know your opinion;

1) what do you think of my last message to him? The one where I reply to him cancelling the meetup.

2) should I unfriend him? If I did, what would you think about me (given the context).

3) should I also get rid of his friend? He is the primary source of information as my ex does not post much. Again, I worry that it will be taken as just super harsh.

 

Thanks so much!!!

[basil67]

1) what do you think of my last message to him? The one where I reply to him cancelling the meetup.

 

I think your mistake was taking him literally when he suggested a catch up. I interpreted his words as the false conversation: "Oh, we must catch up sometime" "Sounds great" "I'll call you" and you both know it will never happen. Let's be clear: he's just an ex who didn't treat you well....it's not like he was a long term caring friend.

 

Anyway, it would be inappropriate for him to catch up one on one with an ex now he has a new girlfriend anyway.

 

2) should I unfriend him? If I did, what would you think about me (given the context).

 

If you want him out of your life, sure, unfriend him. The thing I would think about you is that you've decided that you're not going to hold on to the past and are readying yourself to move on with your life.

 

3) should I also get rid of his friend? He is the primary source of information as my ex does not post much. Again, I worry that it will be taken as just super harsh.

 

Sounds like you want the friend more as an information source than as a genuine friend. If this is the case, ditch him too.

[CantTakeMySmile]

1) what do you think of my last message to him? The one where I reply to him cancelling the meetup.

 

I think your mistake was taking him literally when he suggested a catch up. I interpreted his words as the false conversation: "Oh, we must catch up sometime" "Sounds great" "I'll call you" and you both know it will never happen. Let's be clear: he's just an ex who didn't treat you well....it's not like he was a long term caring friend.

 

Anyway, it would be inappropriate for him to catch up one on one with an ex now he has a new girlfriend anyway.

 

2) should I unfriend him? If I did, what would you think about me (given the context).

 

If you want him out of your life, sure, unfriend him. The thing I would think about you is that you've decided that you're not going to hold on to the past and are readying yourself to move on with your life.

 

3) should I also get rid of his friend? He is the primary source of information as my ex does not post much. Again, I worry that it will be taken as just super harsh.

 

Sounds like you want the friend more as an information source than as a genuine friend. If this is the case, ditch him too.

 

Perfect explainbarion. Explains it all !

[Danielle8]

1) what do you think of my last message to him? The one where I reply to him cancelling the meetup.

 

I think your mistake was taking him literally when he suggested a catch up. I interpreted his words as the false conversation: "Oh, we must catch up sometime" "Sounds great" "I'll call you" and you both know it will never happen. Let's be clear: he's just an ex who didn't treat you well....it's not like he was a long term caring friend.

 

Anyway, it would be inappropriate for him to catch up one on one with an ex now he has a new girlfriend anyway.

 

2) should I unfriend him? If I did, what would you think about me (given the context).

 

If you want him out of your life, sure, unfriend him. The thing I would think about you is that you've decided that you're not going to hold on to the past and are readying yourself to move on with your life.

 

3) should I also get rid of his friend? He is the primary source of information as my ex does not post much. Again, I worry that it will be taken as just super harsh.

 

Sounds like you want the friend more as an information source than as a genuine friend. If this is the case, ditch him too.

 

Basil, thanks so much for your response, you are very kind.

 

The reason why I took it seriously was that he has, at least according to his own words, a history of good relations with his exes. Actually, when we dated he was permanently in touch with his ex of 5 yrs. When she called him one time we were together re purchase of a new car he then said: look, we are on really on good terms and sometimes we even grab a brunch together. I did not like it much but I never really confronted him about it as jealousy was something that destroyed my previous relationship (and the jealousy was absolutely unjustified because my previous ex did not talk to his ex at all), so I really did not want to read too much into it. And then I dated this guy (the one Im asking about) who would text with his ex even when we were at a date/dinner together. I made the mistake I never confronted him, I was just annoyed for the rest of the evening.

 

So the reason why I took it seriously was that he once told me he has a nice and friendly relationship with all of his exes... i once told him Im not on good terms with my text and last time I sawhim we did not even say hi to each other. He was like: what? Isnt that a pity? Im on good terms with all of my exes.

 

I wíl delete him, yes. The reason why I have been so hesitant was that we work in the same profession and have a lot of mutual friends. I just dont want to walk out of this situation as a nasty freak.

 

That friend of his is not a friend of mine, he is HIS best friend. My ex does not post much on fcb, the friend of his does. So me deleting only my ex will only be a gesture and wont do the job of saving me from further heartache because I will be tempted to look at his friends profile. Again, I dont want to come off as nasty and hysterical.

 

Btw, does anybody know how blocking works? I think I heard that once you block and then unblock, you wont be able to block again for some time. Which is good so I will be motivated not to unblock.

 

Thank you!!!

[ExpatInItaly]

Just get this guy out of your mind for good, OP. That includes blocking him. Who cares if he thinks you're being dramatic?

 

By your own admission, he treated you poorly. He also likely has a girlfriend. Why do you want to remain in his life in any way? I can't imagine it makes you feel better about yourself, does it?

 

Believe me when I say what you do online will not be that important to him. He's barely spoken to you and only when you reached out. He isn't giving you as much thought as you're giving him, to be honest. You're over-thinking this one: block/delete him and his friend so you can finally really let go of him.

[HumanMachine]

He’s simply not interested in you. Do whatever you need to do to move on.

[Rainah]

Remove him, he is on good terms with only the ex's he proberbly still has lingering feelings for or has their attention still, you are not one of the ex's he still has lingering feelings for therefore does not want a 'friendship' with you. The only time you will be on 'good terms' is if you see each other in a public place and say hi. Other than that its nothing more.

[d0nnivain]

Disconnecting from an EX on all social media platforms does not cause drama. Keeping them on there does. By all means, delete, delete, delete. This includes severing contact with your EXs circle of friends, especially if they are sources of info about the EX.

 

Now understand something, when your EX told you he has a "good relationship" with his EXs he means that everyone is polite & civil when they accidently & unexpectedly run into each other in public, the way he treated you politely at the Christmas party. It does not mean they are real friends who routinely keep in touch, remember each other's birthdays or have planned hangouts like meeting for coffee. You misunderstand the idea of pleasant interactions with an EX; they are superficial. If more was an option, you'd still be dating.

 

He treated you badly when you are together. It's time for him to be fully gone from your life.

 

All of your messages to him -- congrats on the exam, happy birthday & I'm upset you didn't say hi -- were inappropriate. They actually reek of desperation. You are trying too hard to maintain a connection with a guy who wants you out of his daily life. He's willing to be civilized but you have repeatedly misinterpreted that as a way to maintain a connection. He'd be doing you a favor if he was mean & cold to you so that you'd get it. This is over. Leave him & all his friends be.

 

You will be happier in the long run & it will help you fully heal from this break up. You have already been pining for him longer then you were together.

 

I have EXs in my same profession. When we bump into each other, we have a polite 5 minute conversation. There's no drama. It's tight smiles & civilized lies: How are you? Fine, and you? Great. Good. Did you hear about [the latest development in our field?] Bye.

 

You can do this without looking like a crazy EX.

[Danielle8]

Thanks so much for taking your time to reply, guys!

 

Did block both him and his friend. Took some courage to do it, hated to do it, but Im feeling much better - because I cant change it back.

 

Who gives a crap about what they will think. He had several chances to be on good terms with me. Despite to what d0nnivain has said (but thank you for your post!! ) I dont think wishing a happy birthday or saying congrats on an exam is “inappropriate”, I have no regrets, I never did anything wrong to him. I just find it rude from him to not say hello when bump into each other on the street. But at least I see him for what he is...

 

Its really a relief I did that...