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Has my transformation caught his attention since the break up?


livinglife2019

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livinglife2019

So my ex broke up with me about 4/5 weeks ago.

The break up was very amicable and we left on good terms. I did send him the odd text afterwards. During the break up he made some good points about me. I was always giving out about my job while we dated and talked about doing certain courses etc but never did. So after we broke up I really took a hard look at what I wanted to achieve, so I signed up and done the courses I wanted, I changed my hair from brown to platinum blonde and landed my dream job.

 

So he texted me randomly asking if I would be able to help him pick some shoes to go with his suit for an interview, so I did. After that we began texting more and more and eventually ended up having dinner and I spent the night at his. He said he was proud of me landing my new job and loved my new hair colour.

 

Since the hook up we've texted pretty much everyday. Some of the texts are borderline sexts though. He even asked me if I had been with anyone else other than him. I explained that at the moment I didn't want to date anyone and was focused on work and my courses.

 

I can't decide if he wants me back or just wants fun?

my friends seem to think my changes have caught his attention and he's intrigued. Some have told me he wants me because I don't want anything serious.

 

I actually can't decide if I have feelings for him or not.

 

Im also confused as to why he texts me nearly everyday. If he texted me the odd time and it was for a hook up I'd understand but he tells me about his day and such just like we did when we dated.

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livinglife2019

Yes I do agree, but I have made major changes. Something that friends and family have commented on and have been praising me for doing so. Enough that one of my best friends has started looking for a new job because she seen how happy I was in my new one.

 

Real significant transformations don't happen in a month unless your name is Ebenezer Scrooge.
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livinglife2019

So his excuse for breaking up with me was a really weird one, he said he couldn't see a future for us and when I asked him why he said he couldn't see us sitting down reading books together. Realistically I think he just wanted to get out and bang some other girls or he got scared and ran. I still don't know what he meant ?

 

Why did he call it off to begin with?
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Scarlett.O'hara

It's not uncommon for exes to come sniffing around again if they miss the companionship and sex they used to have regularly.

 

In many cases their ex becomes a security blanket while they look for another partner. If that doesn't bother you, fine, but if there are still feelings there, you are setting yourself up for disappointment.

 

Unless he is very specific about wanting to get back together, assume he is looking for casual fun only.

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You told him that you don't want to be with anyone. Yet it appears you actually want to be back with him.

 

A good start for rekindling may be some honesty on your part.

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When change is advocated, it is usually thought of being, change in hairstyle, body weight, job etc, something superficial, the problem with that, is it does wear off, pretty quickly in some cases, if not all.

 

There's been a very short time after the breakup for any "change", seems like the hair etc were done to make him notice, which he did, but there's been no self evaluation from either of you, you don't even know the real reason for the breakup.

 

I suggest to take a step away from this, have some time with yourself, don't feed into all the games you seem to be playing, because at the end , you will be disappointed when he finds someone else and then you start to ponder if your change wasn't enough, was it?.

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mortensorchid

Agree with OPs - He's having buyer's remorse or feeling guilty about breaking things off. And a lot of women once they have broken up with or been broken up with, tend to do something drastic afterward to take their minds off of their loneliness or frustrations. Some rebound to another relationship, others will change their appearance (which you have). It makes you feel good about yourself because it validates that someone else wants you, or that you are getting attention from other(s) when the last person didn't want you, etc.

 

But it's not wanting to let go of it. I don't think he's paying more attention to you that you have changed your hair, it's because he regrets and he doesn't want to let go. Yet. But eventually he will.

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So his excuse for breaking up with me was a really weird one, he said he couldn't see a future for us and when I asked him why he said he couldn't see us sitting down reading books together.

 

Would the course you're taking and the new hair color make you a better person for sitting down and reading with him? I don't think so.

 

You still think his "excuse" for breaking up was really weird. (I don't think it's weird, and it's not an excuse). People can only get back together successfully when they truly understood the reason for break up. But afterall, why should you change to suit him, even if you could? You are fine being you.

 

I think you should call him out and tell him to stop texting you because the reason for break up is still there, so it's inappropriate for him to contact you and waste your time when you both know there's no future together.

 

(And that's my advice to you, too. Value your youth, don't waste it on this guy cos it's going nowhere. Find a new beau who appreciates you as you are.)

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ask him what his fave three books are, at least hear him out, tell us his three books, this will tell you who he is

 

or you might think his taste in books is bad which is a valid reason for you to leave, since books are the deal-breaker

 

I do not think you want to end it, you do not seem to agree with those who say leave him, so let us hear him out, three books...

Edited by darkmoon
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livinglife2019
Would the course you're taking and the new hair color make you a better person for sitting down and reading with him? I don't think so.

 

You still think his "excuse" for breaking up was really weird. (I don't think it's weird, and it's not an excuse). People can only get back together successfully when they truly understood the reason for break up. But afterall, why should you change to suit him, even if you could? You are fine being you.

 

I think you should call him out and tell him to stop texting you because the reason for break up is still there, so it's inappropriate for him to contact you and waste your time when you both know there's no future together.

 

(And that's my advice to you, too. Value your youth, don't waste it on this guy cos it's going nowhere. Find a new beau who appreciates you as you are.)

 

We went for dinner and a movie yesterday, and during dinner I asked him about the not reading books together thing because I couldn't understand it. And he said that's the issue. Am I missing something is there a subtle message that I can't seem to figure out. The entire time we dated he never once read a book, I read more than he did.

 

I don't think I would get back into a relationship with him, since the break up the rose coloured glasses have come off and there a certain things I notice now that I didn't before. I now know that at 28yr he still brings his washing home every weekend for his mother to do which is a big no. I also asked him if he'd been on my dates and he said he'd been on 1 with a really nice girl, so I am very aware that it is over.

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This isn't really about books in and of themselves, OP.

 

He sees a more fundamental incompatibility between you two. If he's already dating others, it's time for you to stop letting him fall back on you between dates.

 

I'm sorry, I know it's hard. He's moving on, and you need to do so the same.

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