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45 had nervous breakdown


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45 had nervous breakdown

 

Wrote this thing 3 times might have another breakdown

 

I’m 45 happily married,I dated and wanted to marry a girl when I was 25

It ended badly.

A week before 45th bday I watched a video on YouTube of a concert I was at

With ex 20 years ago had a nervous breakdown laid in fetal position for hours

Alone.when I came to 100% of my thoughts and dreams were about ex in the past tense.nothing about going and finding her or anything like that.

This went on for weeks,developed ED probably from stress.

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GorillaTheater

I'm sorry to hear this, GD. Was your breakdown maybe due to a flood of good memories, or was that relationship a disaster? What do you think triggered you?

 

 

What does your wife think about all of this?

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We were friends for a long time. The only friends she ever had were a ex boyfriends or guys like me a orbiter.

Out of the blue one Day she wants to start dating.she dated a lot of guys

And was with a lot of guys.i make the most of my time with her.

I wanted a LTR not speed dating.it goes great for 5 months she always

Wanted romantic gestures but she showed almost no emotions.

On Valentine’s Day she wanted something unique so I put a ad in paper

Confessing my love for her.I was on phone with her coworker when she got paper.it ended basically right there.i was a stranger that need to be gone.

She cheated got mean and vindictive and dumped me on the phone saying I liked her too much and I would hurt her and leave like all the rest.

When we were friends I was the shoulder she cried on all the time.

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She dumps me Then the torture starts I try a few calls to win her back

Nothing works.she calls all the time telling me about big dates and how we are never dating again but insists the we become friends again. I can’t do it

I try one time write the most gut wrenching letter I ever wrote and buy a set of 1k diamond earrings.nothing I get a call that one diamond has a tiny defect.

I give up, a few months later she gets me to hang out with her at a bar

Were her coworkers are.lecture me about forgetting feeling for people and just go out and date.tell her the I wanted to marry her and have a family.she gets mad and starts hitting on guys there.i walk out she insists she drive me to my car, we get back to her parents house I bleed my heat again and nothing again.

Still pushing me to be her friend then rages we will never date again.

I say goodbye and leave.

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5 months go by she writes a letter wanting to hang out.i give in

We hang out go bike riding at end of day I carry her bike up to her new condo

I’m standing in the dark and I think she forgets I’m still there she checks her

Caller id and nobody called her she gets hysterical about it to herself

I’m watching and I say I’m right here and still care about you

She goes into a rage saying we will never date again.then throws me out

Saying if I can’t be friends first never speak to her again.

I learned later on that a few days before this she broke up with her long time ex

For last time it happened a 100 times but that was it.

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I got a therapist a big help.she thinks my ex is a narcissist maybe

And my mother definitely is and I tried so hard with this girl

To mimic relationship with mother.

I was sexually abused a lot as a kid so I never connected with anyone

But this girl up until that time.

I think these feelings showed up because my relationship with mother

Basically ended.

Why would a girl (25) 20 years ago want to agressively want to be friends

With a ex that was at the time clearly still in love with them.and torture with

Taunting of never dating again.

Her only friend a ex said a while back not long after all this she just went to

A dating company gold digged and married a 33 year old virgin who made $$

(His words)

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It was a flood of everything but mostly how she became a different person and got mean.

 

No wife does not know abou this part of breakdown just childhood stuff

And my mother

Thanks

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Stay in therapy! I mean no offense by that. You need it,buddy. I can hardly remember my exwf and we divorced about 17yrs ago,'married' for 7yrs. I can't even remember what she looks like and she's the mother of my child! Seriously..keep going to therapy.

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Yes still in therapy had some bad stuff happen after all this.

It’s scary 20 years and no problems at all about this and then it just hits you

Like a ton of bricks.My therapist said I was a lucky one,I didn’t try and find this person.I guess lot of people do that, I won’t do that.

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Was hoping if anyone had a theory on why she would aggressively pursue

The friendship again and taunt that will never get back together ever.

But say you are what I need in 5 years, a lot of doublespeak I guess.

Maybe she really was a bpd narcissist.

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She's not meeting your needs, just her own.

 

I know sex abuse can make you think your needs aren't suppose to be considered but they are. Your needs matter as much as anyone's.

 

Please try to let her go. She doesn't have your best interests at heart and will only make your path to healing more difficult.

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Hopefully the therapist is helping you make a connection between the abuse your mother handed out and you striving to pursue the same abusive woman to replace what your mother presented as "normal" (abuse).

 

And hopefully the therapist is helping you realize it's not normal to settle for this kind of behavior.

 

Are you focusing each day on reality? On what's good in your present life?

 

Are you able to live in today?

 

What is good and kind about your wife? You've barely mentioned her in all this...is she unimportant to you?

 

Write out a list of how things can be different in your thought patterns - then take action that causes those thoughts to become real. Like - if you think kindly of your wife - then buy her flowers to show you've been thinking of her. She will appreciate the kind gesture and reciprocate with kind thoughts of you!

 

Grow your thoughts/feelings with your wife. Diminish past thoughts that never transpired to real meaningful relationships.

 

 

This has more to do with your mom than it does with the gal that rejected you/although they are intertwined in abuse and that abuse becoming your sense of normal at that time (still in past). Every abuser needs someone to abuse - that is why she kept coming back - because you were a guy that ALLOWED her to abuse you. That's all it amounts to.

 

Do everything possible to live in the present moment - that helps.

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Yes sorry,narc abuse from mother,violent sexual abuse from a male non family member,and a few other attempts from others.My wife is awesome she has my back but can’t explain it all to her.Havent seen this other (ex) in 17 years nc

By me nothing.But as relationship deteriorated with mother it all hit like a hurricane.I was convinced she was going to return to ruin everything I had.

Sounds crazy but that’s what it was.Thats all gone now but the aggressive demands of being her friend again still haunts a little.I guess because I know 2

Guys that literally threw their lives away to be a ex’s friend and only function for them the type that never healed and moved on never found anyone else.Its scary but I think that’s would happened to me,like just missed getting hit by a bus.Really deep down I think it could have been me.Talk about a midlife crisis

Lol.But I will never contact this person,not sure about my mother it’s been 6

Months since contact,my wife still talks with her and that’s fine with me.

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