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My ex has moved on, but still checks up on me


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Old 8th February 2018, 8:32 AM   #1
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My ex has moved on, but still checks up on me

My ex broke up with me back in November. She decided not to come to dinner on my birthday as things were rocky, and after 2 weeks of her being aloof, I finally spoke to her on the phone and she ended things. I accepted her reasons for breaking up, and I didn't beg or grovel. We didn't speak for almost 3 weeks, until I received a belated bday present from her in the mail.

Her parcel included a gift from her parents, so I felt I had to contact her to say thanks. We had a brief chat and I told her I was going travelling for 3 months. It was fine, and we said maybe we'd catch up when I was back.

A few weeks of NC later (after Xmas and New Year), I was prepping for my trip. we had removed eachother on social media, and I had deleted all past convos from my phone. I was starting to feel OK, and accept that it wouldn't have worked in the long term.

I sent her a message asking if she could re-send me some work info that I had deleted. I probably shouldn't have but, at the time I felt comfortable enough to ask. She asked when I was leaving and again, we had a brief, but pleasant conversation, and she reiterated that we should catch up when I'm back. I still held out no real hope of this.

So I go off travelling and post IG stories. A few days in, I notice that she has watched all of them (despite not following me). At first I figured this could be for any reason, and didn't mean anything in particular. However, this continued for about 2 weeks, and I convinced myself that maybe she was up for reconnecting a little, so I just sent her a follow request, which she accepted.

I could now see her IG profile again, and it looks very much like she has moved on to a new guy. I'm fine with that, but I just couldn't understand why she would be so interested in what I'm doing, having let me go in the first place, not to mention knowing that I would be able to see her doing it.

I sent her a message saying that I readded because I thought she might want to reconnect, but obviously I was mistaken, and that she shouldn't check in on me like that, especially knowing that I would see her doing so. She told me to 'get over myself' and that me having messaged her since the breakup was equally confusing.

Again, this wasn't a reaction I was expecting of someone who ended a realtionship with me. I have no idea what to make of it.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:14 AM   #2
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She checks up on you because you allow her to. Block her.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:31 AM   #3
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She checks up on you because you allow her to. Block her.
I would have, but to be honest I'm 6,000 miles away. If she wants to, she can. But why be interested in what I'm doing if she's moved on?
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:41 AM   #4
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She told me to 'get over myself'
Yes, I kind of agree with her. You complain about her checking up on you, but you're the one who "noticed" that she is watching your IG stories and stalking her profile. You need to move on rather than paying so much attention to every little thing she is doing and trying to analyse the reasons for it. She does it because she wants to. A more pertinent question is, why do you let her, and why do you care what her reasons are?

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I have no idea what to make of it.
You should make a paper plane and throw it right at the trash can.

Then you should BLOCK her and move on with your life. Being 6000 miles away makes no difference. You need to block her so the kind of question "why did she do X Y or Z" doesn't even enter your mind.
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Old 8th February 2018, 9:49 AM   #5
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I'm not stalking her profile at all, though. In fact, I had removed her already. I guess I should have blocked her but given the reasons for the break up and the fact that we had had some amicable contact, I felt blocking her might seem vindictive. I don't really have any problem with her looking at what I'm doing, and I'm sure its just curiosity. But why would she be so interested in me, if she is already moved on?
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:05 AM   #6
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I would have, but to be honest I'm 6,000 miles away. If she wants to, she can. But why be interested in what I'm doing if she's moved on?
Again, because you allow her to. Block her and focus on your travels - you’ll regret it if all you remember was how much you worried about someone viewing your instagram story.
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Old 8th February 2018, 10:14 AM   #7
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Human nature. Most people do this. Curiosity.
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Old 9th February 2018, 4:29 AM   #8
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But why would she be so interested in me, if she is already moved on?
Look, who gives 2 short planks of wood why she does ANYTHING that she does??? Let's just assume that she does it because she is emotionally unstable.

The bigger question is why are YOU so interested in HER? Why are you doing so many mental gymnastics trying to figure out why she is so interested in what you're doing? You're totally wasting your energy and emotion here. You should just forget about her. It's over. Move on. Blocking will help you to do that because you won't constantly be thinking "why did she do X Y or Z?".
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Old 9th February 2018, 6:21 AM   #9
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Yeah I know you're right. Difficult not to when you're emotionally invested in the situation tho. I guess that's why I'm wondering. Its inconsistent and confusing. And I still love her.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:47 AM   #10
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I don't really have any problem with her looking at what I'm doing, and I'm sure its just curiosity. But why would she be so interested in me, if she is already moved on?
I think you answered your own question here. Disconnect from her IG and tighten up your account privacy so you won't have to wonder anymore.
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Old 9th February 2018, 11:52 AM   #11
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I sent her a message saying that I readded because I thought she might want to reconnect, but obviously I was mistaken, and that she shouldn't check in on me like that, especially knowing that I would see her doing so.


Why do you assume you were mistaken? Maybe she did want to be friends, until you said she should "check" on you.


Also, I am not social media savvy, how do you know she looked at your Instagram?
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Old 10th February 2018, 12:22 AM   #12
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Quit making excuse to contact. You are more vested in this than she is.

NC means NC. At this point you aren't even close.

She dumped you remember?
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:36 AM   #13
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Originally Posted by CantTakeMySmile View Post
I sent her a message saying that I readded because I thought she might want to reconnect, but obviously I was mistaken, and that she shouldn't check in on me like that, especially knowing that I would see her doing so.


Why do you assume you were mistaken? Maybe she did want to be friends, until you said she should "check" on you.


Also, I am not social media savvy, how do you know she looked at your Instagram?
It shows you who has viewed. Bear in mind she didn't do this until about 2 months after. And it wasn't just once or twice, it was every single day. It seemed strange. I didn't think it was her wanting to get back together, but maybe just looking to reconnect a little bit which, despite not having spoken for a long time, I was happy to do. I was just very puzzled when I then found out she was seeing someone new, but would still make the emotional effort to look me up everyday. It is a weird thing to do.
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Old 10th February 2018, 2:42 AM   #14
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Quit making excuse to contact. You are more vested in this than she is.

NC means NC. At this point you aren't even close.

She dumped you remember?
Yeah, she did. I haven't made any real effort to win her back though. I mean, I had very much accepted it but in the back of my mind I always had the 'what if' feeling, which I think is natural.

When we split she told me she needed time by herself, which I have given her. If she checked up once or twice I can understand that, but tbh it does take some emotional effort to do it every day for two weeks, knowing I'd see it. Naturally it made me feel like she wanted to reconnect, which I was happy to do. It was seeing that she had a new guy which puzzled me as to why she would expend the effort every day.
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Old 10th February 2018, 5:19 AM   #15
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If she wasn’t added to your followers on Insta how did she view your stories...
You can only view people’s stories that you’re following, right?
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