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Why do people lie about their breakup reasonings?


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 6th February 2018, 9:03 PM   #1
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Why do people lie about their breakup reasonings?

Why do you think people like about their reasons for breaking up with someone? Do you really believe it's to spare the dumpee's feelings or is it selfish reasons?

Also what is the purpose of lovebombing someone? Only to do a complete switch and end things?
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Old 6th February 2018, 9:08 PM   #2
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Do you really believe it's to spare the dumpee's feelings or is it selfish reasons? I think both are reason they do it.

Also what is the purpose of lovebombing someone? Only to do a complete switch and end things?[/QUOTE]
I think it can make one feel good to lovebomb someone. I don't think there is future thought on the switch and end, so I don't think there is a reason, besides just reality.
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Old 6th February 2018, 9:10 PM   #3
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If you're the dumpee, you'll think it's about selfish reasons and that the purpose of 'love bombing' is to do a complete switch and end things.

If you're the dumper, you'll think it's to spare the dumpee's feelings and that you went in feelings first, forgetting about spending actual time getting to know the person.

What does it matter, in the end. Whatever is helping you get over a breakup is fine. The most probable scenario in any case is that you'll get over it eventually.
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Old 6th February 2018, 10:03 PM   #4
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Originally Posted by littleblackheart View Post
If you're the dumpee, you'll think it's about selfish reasons and that the purpose of 'love bombing' is to do a complete switch and end things.

If you're the dumper, you'll think it's to spare the dumpee's feelings and that you went in feelings first, forgetting about spending actual time getting to know the person.

What does it matter, in the end. Whatever is helping you get over a breakup is fine. The most probable scenario in any case is that you'll get over it eventually.

What if the dumper seems to be doing the same thing again with someone else? Such as moving fast and possibly love bombing?

I think/thought he was using me to get what ever it was he wanted out of me and said what he felt he needed to say until he either got bored or evade that commitment he was promising. If someone even feels a little bit of what they claimed I don't think they can just discard someone and move to someone else within weeks or sooner.
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Old 6th February 2018, 10:07 PM   #5
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Originally Posted by CantTakeMySmile View Post
Do you really believe it's to spare the dumpee's feelings or is it selfish reasons? I think both are reason they do it.

Also what is the purpose of lovebombing someone? Only to do a complete switch and end things?
I think it can make one feel good to lovebomb someone. I don't think there is future thought on the switch and end, so I don't think there is a reason, besides just reality.[/QUOTE]

I feel like my ex liked to see me suffer or something bc of the dinner he insisted on a week after the dumping just to tell me the same thing for three hours. Then he was stalking my tweets until I blocked him and now he doesn't even go on it anymore.

So they just say what feels good in the moment? Is that a lack of emotional maturity? I don't get how someone doesn't think of the consequences or seriousness of it. To say things throughout a relationship then to not feel that anymore suddenly seems strange.
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Old 6th February 2018, 10:08 PM   #6
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Most people just really hate to hurt other people's feelings and it's not more complicated than that.
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Old 7th February 2018, 2:46 AM   #7
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So they just say what feels good in the moment? Is that a lack of emotional maturity? I don't get how someone doesn't think of the consequences or seriousness of it. To say things throughout a relationship then to not feel that anymore suddenly seems strange.
Some do, yes. It might feel real and genuine when they say it, but feelings do change sometimes. Interests can change, or things might come out during the relationship that affect the dumper's commitment and feelings toward their partner. Or, you might be dealing with an impulsive person who loves the chase but will move on when the next shiny object rolls into view.

Could you give us a little more context? How long were you together and what did he say was the reason he wanted to end it?
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Old 7th February 2018, 4:27 AM   #8
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It's an insecure attachment style. It all starts with unrealistic idealization of the person or the relationship. That's when the love bombing goes on. As the dissolutionment of reality starts to set in they start to look around for something better. When they find it they monkey branch and leave you in the dust. The pattern repeats on and on.
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Old 7th February 2018, 11:16 AM   #9
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Some do, yes. It might feel real and genuine when they say it, but feelings do change sometimes. Interests can change, or things might come out during the relationship that affect the dumper's commitment and feelings toward their partner. Or, you might be dealing with an impulsive person who loves the chase but will move on when the next shiny object rolls into view.

Could you give us a little more context? How long were you together and what did he say was the reason he wanted to end it?
We were together nearly 6 months. He definitely love bombed and fast forwarded the relationship. Told me he loved me and talked marriage and kids and moving in together within the first 1-2 months. Overall I believe we were both very happy in the relationship or at least I thought. Then the last couple of weeks he got a bit distant then I came over one day and he ended it. His reasonings were he doesn't want to live in the city anymore after he graduates this upcoming may and doesn't want me to move for him like he moved here for his ex and he said it was horrible. He started crying and told me I was the second person he's every loved and only person he really cares about. He then insisted on having a dinner a week later to talk. And I asked him if that was truly the reason and he still said yes. He acted like he cared about me. Then a few weeks later tops he's dating some other girl now they already have pictures up just like when we started dating. He deleted every picture and post affiliated with me a week after we broke up as well. He was married before me and divorced probably 3 months before meeting me.
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Old 7th February 2018, 11:37 AM   #10
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Because the truth is like shoving barbed wire up someone's nostrils.

Regarding love bombing, that's just the dumper over-compensating. Trying to make a good impression on the way out. Also, allows them to plan their exit strategy. They can't exactly do that if the dumpee becomes suspicious and starts getting clingy etc.

Last edited by marky00; 7th February 2018 at 11:40 AM..
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:01 PM   #11
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Originally Posted by Ta222 View Post
What if the dumper seems to be doing the same thing again with someone else? Such as moving fast and possibly love bombing?

I think/thought he was using me to get what ever it was he wanted out of me and said what he felt he needed to say until he either got bored or evade that commitment he was promising. If someone even feels a little bit of what they claimed I don't think they can just discard someone and move to someone else within weeks or sooner.
Is there no part of you that believes he was sincere but had a change of heart ? If you met 3 months after his divorce, maybe he wasn't quite ready to commit to a long term relationship despite his feelings for you?

Maybe he's jumping from one relationship to the next as an escape or a delaying tactic from dealing with his actual issue (the end of his marriage or something else?).

The he cut you off doesn't necessarily mean he's cold hearted - maybe it's his way of moving on?

For your own sake, I don't think it's healthy to torture yourself with his intentions or his reasons. Your relationship has ended, he seems to have moved on. I'm sorry you are going through this.
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:12 PM   #12
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Is there no part of you that believes he was sincere but had a change of heart ? If you met 3 months after his divorce, maybe he wasn't quite ready to commit to a long term relationship despite his feelings for you?

Maybe he's jumping from one relationship to the next as an escape or a delaying tactic from dealing with his actual issue (the end of his marriage or something else?).

The he cut you off doesn't necessarily mean he's cold hearted - maybe it's his way of moving on?

For your own sake, I don't think it's healthy to torture yourself with his intentions or his reasons. Your relationship has ended, he seems to have moved on. I'm sorry you are going through this.

I thought that all at first yes. He actually never told me he was married himself I found out through Facebook on his exes page. He only ever told me ex. As for the feelings maybe I'm naive but for someone to insist on meeting your family after two weeks and telling you they want to have kids with you after a few months and saying he wants to spend his life with you to just nothing makes me question the sincerity to begin with because it was so easy for him to walk away and date someone else so fast. Then for his breakup reasonings he said he is moving and doesn't want me to move for him like he did for his ex so initially I believed it until I see him get in a relationship asap. He had a dinner with me after the fact and I asked him if that was the true reason and he said yes and was acting like he was concerned and told me to call him if I ever need him etc etc but now deleted me off everything. Initially I wanted to believe hey maybe he really isn't ready but the later actions make me question it. It's hard for me because I just don't understand. He also told me he had no interest in dating for awhile.
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:18 PM   #13
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Originally Posted by littleblackheart View Post
Is there no part of you that believes he was sincere but had a change of heart ? If you met 3 months after his divorce, maybe he wasn't quite ready to commit to a long term relationship despite his feelings for you?

Maybe he's jumping from one relationship to the next as an escape or a delaying tactic from dealing with his actual issue (the end of his marriage or something else?).

The he cut you off doesn't necessarily mean he's cold hearted - maybe it's his way of moving on?

For your own sake, I don't think it's healthy to torture yourself with his intentions or his reasons. Your relationship has ended, he seems to have moved on. I'm sorry you are going through this.
Because gut feelings and intuition are almost always right. The OP is no exception.

99/100 people leave because they realise they just aren't into someone enough.

Yes there are cases of people who don't want to commit to anybody but they tend to exhibit consistent behavior from the get-go.

Saying that someone doesn't want to commit is one of the most popular breakups reasons used and reported on LS. Then we find out a few weeks later they are in a serious relationship with someone else.
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:23 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by Ta222 View Post
I thought that all at first yes. He actually never told me he was married himself I found out through Facebook on his exes page. He only ever told me ex. As for the feelings maybe I'm naive but for someone to insist on meeting your family after two weeks and telling you they want to have kids with you after a few months and saying he wants to spend his life with you to just nothing makes me question the sincerity to begin with because it was so easy for him to walk away and date someone else so fast. Then for his breakup reasonings he said he is moving and doesn't want me to move for him like he did for his ex so initially I believed it until I see him get in a relationship asap. He had a dinner with me after the fact and I asked him if that was the true reason and he said yes and was acting like he was concerned and told me to call him if I ever need him etc etc but now deleted me off everything. Initially I wanted to believe hey maybe he really isn't ready but the later actions make me question it. It's hard for me because I just don't understand. He also told me he had no interest in dating for awhile.
I feel for you. In some ways you may have to make your peace with the fact you won't have a satisfying explanation for what happened. The outcome won't change no matter what, so maybe find a way to grieve the end of this relationship without replaying it over and over in your head.
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Old 7th February 2018, 12:25 PM   #15
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Why do you think people like about their reasons for breaking up with someone?

Because it is easier than explaining to someone that you just aren't into them anymore. Because those conversations can get messy and tiresome.
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