Jump to content

Having doubts about my relationship


Recommended Posts

Hi everyone and thanks in advance for reading.

 

Today is a pretty miserable day. I got fired from my job yesterday evening, it's my own fault. I didn't much like my job and was looking around for another one. I guess my boss felt the same. Even though this is probably for the best and i have no ill will against this company or my boss, it hurts. It hurts pretty damn bad. It's my first job and I feel very insecure. I am sad. And like some weird joke, 5 days before I lost my job, so did my boyfriend.

 

It was his first job as well so he felt pretty bad. When it happened, I called him. We hung on the phone for an hour and I told him I'd be driving over to his place the second I was ready with dinner and some stuff I had to handle. We spent the following three days together. I did all I could to comfort him, to support him and show him love. I told him to relax and that we would get through it together. The next day I sent him some job vacancies I encountered.

 

And then I lost my job. He had friends over that day (to smoke weed with and chill (another issue)). They were there since 2 pm and I lost my job and texted him at 5, 30 pm, telling him. After 1 hour I got a text from him: Oh well you didn't like the job anyway. And then nothing. I decided to leave it be for a bit and try to relax. Another hour passed and then he sent another text: anything I can do? I felt so hurt, he had been through this pain, mere days ago. I saw him suffer and he barely cared, he didn't even call. I didn't know what to respond because I felt so sad and angry. After some time he sent another text: my friends are almost gone, we can call if you want in a bit.

 

I answered saying: oh so you're almost done getting high? I don't think I want to talk anymore this evening, i feel horrible and you're dissapointing me. After his friends left then he started vigorously texting (I guess the high wore off) Saying he couldn't call because I was at work (when he replied to my announcement I wasn't at work anymore and he knows). I told him that was BS. Then he sought another excuse saying that I was angry anyway and that he wanted me to cool down first. I was angry cause he hadn't replied because he spent the whole day doing drugs with his friends. And because that's his way to deal with his unemployment. Smoke.

 

I just shut down emotionally and told him I didn't want to talk anymore today and needed some time to think and process the whole day. He kept calling and calling and sending me messages that he's so sorry and he screwed up and he shouldve been there for me as soon as he saw my text. That he was gonna come over immediately (it was over 11 pm by that time). That he wanted to be with me, that I shouldn't go to work the following day ( i have a obligatory 4 week term to complete, so I can't). I replied saying it was too late in the evening to come by and a little late for apologies.

 

This hasn't been the first time that he chooses to go for weed and "fun" over me or issues. And I feel so hurt. I'm not against smoking now and then. But he does it daily and when he's with friends or alone, he can do it all day. I've told him I would prefer if he worked on his addiction because I think it's not a good thing for our future. That I worry that it's very unhealthy for him. I asked if he could maybe start smoking less. And he always gets mad, telling me it's his life and I have to stay out of his business. I know he loves me, I came out of a very toxic relationship before this one. And the love is different. I love him and I want/ed a future with him.

 

But there have been other things that are accumulating and I'm not sure what to think of this relationship anymore. We'll be 25 this year but he still acts like a child. Other problems were me still dealing with the pain of my previous rship (my fault I know), him being paranoid because of it and going through my stuff and phone (I don't cheat/text/talk to my ex so there was nothing to find), him always justifying the drugs (even if we have an argument because of it) And i found him texting and looking for attention with an old friend with benefits (that girl absolutely despises me). Or me becoming extremely jealous cause he spent a whole sunday baking pancakes with his best (girl)friend when he had been lousy all week to me. He was being rude and annoying to me that week because we had some family dinners to go to and he felt too lazy to come.

 

I know this sounds bad but he really is kind and gentle, sweet and loving. And I am definitely not the greatest (I get very emotional and shut down when things get tough for me personally) I can be very dramatic and insecure about who I am.

 

But I don't know if there is a future in this relationship. I have been having a tough time figuring out how to deal with my own life and he seems completely careless, until we have a fight.

 

I just needed to vent and wanted some insight, I can't straighten my thoughts.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why did he get fired? And you?

 

He sounds far too immature for you. At 25, getting high every day is rather juvenile. Prioritizing weed over job-searching is also lame.

 

There's a time and a place for that kind of thing, and it sounds like he doesn't have his act together.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author

I got fired because my boss misjudged my experience, he thought I would be able to work more on my own, but i still have a lot to learn and he doesn't have time to teach me + there is a need for some graphic design now and then (which I can't do, he knows this). So when I create something I sometimes need someone to design something for it and that slows down the workflow. My boss and I basically mismatched. I need to work in a team and be able to learn from a senior. Right now this company is too small for that.

 

My bf got fired because he was late 3 days in a row, and was late once again after getting a warning.

Link to post
Share on other sites
My bf got fired because he was late 3 days in a row, and was late once again after getting a warning.

Wow, he sounds like a keeper. He shows about as much commitment and passion and pride in his professional life as he does in his personal life. Zero.

 

It doesn't sound as though you're very well matched. I would dump him and find someone who actually respects you and your relationship more than some pot. This relationship is too young for you to go about fixing him, plus he clearly doesn't want to be fixed.

Link to post
Share on other sites
Eternal Sunshine
I got fired because my boss misjudged my experience, he thought I would be able to work more on my own, but i still have a lot to learn and he doesn't have time to teach me + there is a need for some graphic design now and then (which I can't do, he knows this). So when I create something I sometimes need someone to design something for it and that slows down the workflow. My boss and I basically mismatched. I need to work in a team and be able to learn from a senior. Right now this company is too small for that.

 

My bf got fired because he was late 3 days in a row, and was late once again after getting a warning.

 

I don't want to make you feel bad but you kind of dropped the ball there.

 

Every new job is hard and it takes a very long time to get confident and do it well. It's kind of silly to expect someone else to do something for you and if they don't, just throw up your hands in the air "I can't do it". There is no such thing as "you can't do it". You basically do whatever it takes to read and practice and surf the web until you can make a reasonable attempt to do it yourself. You spend the evenings and weekends doing it as your first priority. It won't be forever but that's kind of effort you need to make. Nobody is obliged to teach you anything. You are no longer in school.

 

You are young but if you continue with this attitude, you will struggle in every job.

Link to post
Share on other sites

Honey, you got out of a toxic relationship only to get into another one.

 

Just because he can be kind and loving and sweet and gentle doesn't mean that he's a good partner. You're caught up in the addiction cycle, suffering through the emotional unavailability, blame shifting, and gas-lighting waiting for "the real" boyfriend to emerge - the kind, sweet, gentle and loving one.

 

Rinse and repeat.

 

You fell in love with his potential, not for who he is right now.

 

Get out now while you can. Focus on you, find a better job, and work on yourself so you'll be able to sniff out toxicity and notice red flags before you enter into your next relationship.

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • Author
I don't want to make you feel bad but you kind of dropped the ball there.

 

 

You are young but if you continue with this attitude, you will struggle in every job.

 

I know and I am taking full responsibility. I did drop the ball but this job was not the right one for me. I know who I am and this job was a lesson for me. I'm not complaining about it and I accept my resignation without being salty. But that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt. and what hurts more is that my partner seems to be completely oblivious.

Link to post
Share on other sites
×
×
  • Create New...