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I was dumped.


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This post will need some background explanation so you may need to read my other posts (honestly you’d get a kick out of it anyway)

 

But my boyfriend ended it with me cause I told him I loved him, and he said he wasn’t there at my level because when our sex got rough he had to numb his feelings for me. He later said maybe I do love you but not enough.

 

I blamed it on our communication and especially his, he said but I thought we had good communication, then a week later he said our lacking communication is a sign that we are incompatible. How so many things in the relationship felt right, but something was off. That was few weeks ago and he’s already hooked up with a girl at a party, and I asked him if he wanted her and he said yes I think I do. But he didn’t know if he wanted me after dating for months!? He’s already asked her if she wants more than just sex and if she wants a relationship and kids one day.

 

I feel rejected, hurt, betrayed, and I have no idea how to feel okay again. They say time and distance, but I can’t wait, I don’t want the next few months to feel like hell for me. I already hate myself so much for not leaving him earlier and telling him I loved him and even trying to fix the breakup. I put all of myself out there and I got clobbered, so many times.

 

I feel so rejected and so humiliated. Few days ago he even called me and kept talking all about the rough sex we had (that he said he didn’t enjoy) and kept masturbating on the phone and sent me a picture of his penis, and asked me for a fun picture too. All this while still saying he wants that other girl.

 

He even talked about the sex he’s having with her, and how it’s rough but he’s not repeating his mistake with me, cause he’s more gentle with her and taking the rough stuff slowly.

 

He made all of this seem about me, like I wasn’t enough, like it was my fault, how I failed, and now he needs someone else he wants to do it right with. I’m sorry for my rambling, but I wanted to get it out and really ask if it was really all my mistake?

 

I’m going to hate myself for the next months and feel so stupid.

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healing light

I'm sorry you're hurting. This guy has issues. He sounds like a bad lover to boot.

 

Next time, I advise not hanging around for a guy who is sleeping with multiple women. I thought from your previous posts that you were exclusive--so either he's cheating on you or I read that wrong, but that puts your health at risk.

 

I know it isn't much consolation for you right now, but there's a way better match for you somewhere and he's not it. You deserve better.

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CautiouslyOptimistic

This guy has had sexual issues since the beginning. It's not something you'd want to deal with for life....you dodged a bullet!

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I'm sorry you're hurting. This guy has issues. He sounds like a bad lover to boot.

 

Next time, I advise not hanging around for a guy who is sleeping with multiple women. I thought from your previous posts that you were exclusive--so either he's cheating on you or I read that wrong, but that puts your health at risk.

 

I know it isn't much consolation for you right now, but there's a way better match for you somewhere and he's not it. You deserve better.

 

We were exclusive until he decided to end it, and hooked up with this girl who now he says he wants to be with after a couple of dates with her.

 

Thank you... I need to see him now for who he truly is, not what I imagined or what I’ve wanted him to be.

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This guy has had sexual issues since the beginning. It's not something you'd want to deal with for life....you dodged a bullet!

 

I definitely don’t... I know his ex of 5 years was toyed by him for so long back and forth. (that he never married even after being engaged to her)

 

What gets me is that the way he comes across you’d think he’s an angel, he sounds like a player on paper now, but when we met you would have never known that. I know players, I know what they’re like, but they make it clear they’re players...

 

But not him... he pretended to be this super stand up dude.

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Why are you even still communicating with a person like this?

 

If you want to expedite your healing, you simply must cut all contact with him.

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CautiouslyOptimistic
I definitely don’t... I know his ex of 5 years was toyed by him for so long back and forth. (that he never married even after being engaged to her)

 

What gets me is that the way he comes across you’d think he’s an angel, he sounds like a player on paper now, but when we met you would have never known that. I know players, I know what they’re like, but they make it clear they’re players...

 

But not him... he pretended to be this super stand up dude.

 

 

One of the nicest guys I know has some pretty weird issues related to sex. The two are definitely not mutually exclusive!

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Why are you even still communicating with a person like this?

 

If you want to expedite your healing, you simply must cut all contact with him.

 

I cut all contact now. I can’t talk to him again, he’s toxic and it’s exhausting. He’s a headache.

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CantTakeMySmile
I cut all contact now. I can’t talk to him again, he’s toxic and it’s exhausting. He’s a headache.

 

Good decision!!great!! How long since you have had contact with him?

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This post will need some background explanation so you may need to read my other posts (honestly you’d get a kick out of it anyway)

 

But my boyfriend ended it with me cause I told him I loved him, and he said he wasn’t there at my level because when our sex got rough he had to numb his feelings for me. He later said maybe I do love you but not enough.

 

I blamed it on our communication and especially his, he said but I thought we had good communication, then a week later he said our lacking communication is a sign that we are incompatible. How so many things in the relationship felt right, but something was off. That was few weeks ago and he’s already hooked up with a girl at a party, and I asked him if he wanted her and he said yes I think I do. But he didn’t know if he wanted me after dating for months!? He’s already asked her if she wants more than just sex and if she wants a relationship and kids one day.

 

I feel rejected, hurt, betrayed, and I have no idea how to feel okay again. They say time and distance, but I can’t wait, I don’t want the next few months to feel like hell for me. I already hate myself so much for not leaving him earlier and telling him I loved him and even trying to fix the breakup. I put all of myself out there and I got clobbered, so many times.

 

I feel so rejected and so humiliated. Few days ago he even called me and kept talking all about the rough sex we had (that he said he didn’t enjoy) and kept masturbating on the phone and sent me a picture of his penis, and asked me for a fun picture too. All this while still saying he wants that other girl.

 

He even talked about the sex he’s having with her, and how it’s rough but he’s not repeating his mistake with me, cause he’s more gentle with her and taking the rough stuff slowly.

 

He made all of this seem about me, like I wasn’t enough, like it was my fault, how I failed, and now he needs someone else he wants to do it right with. I’m sorry for my rambling, but I wanted to get it out and really ask if it was really all my mistake?

 

I’m going to hate myself for the next months and feel so stupid.

 

You are NOT stupid. This guy sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies - and he sounds like a really horrendous sort overall. Telling you about the sex he's having with her?? Normal guys do NOT do this.

Girl, you dodged a huge bullet and I know it may not feel like it now, but you will be SO glad of it one day, I PROMISE! Btw he's telling you all of this ON PURPOSE, in his twisted mind, he knows this will hurt you and he gets a kick out of it...it was never you, but he wants to gaslight you into believing you're useless because people like him are empty vessels and get their kicks out of having power over others through hurting him.

Also - the thing with the new girl isn't going to last. He will idealise her to you and to others but it will crumble. Easy come, easy go. There's no substance to it. But believe me, she's going to have a harder time of it when he leaves her then you have...you've had a clean break in comparison.

Stick with the horrible feelings, live through the pain for as long as is needed to process it, but absolutely employ NC and stay away would be my advice. If you could see the ugliness inside characters like this you would run far away!

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Good decision!!great!! How long since you have had contact with him?

 

Last night was the last time. In the end I had to really tell him that I do believe in my heart of HEARTS that he’s the main reason his relationships don’t work out, cause it seemed like he gave me the same excuse he gave his ex. I told him that too. He thinks that he’s this real great stable guy who is full of decency and integrity, and he’s the opposite.

 

I’m still fuming and I can’t focus on anything and I hate this feeling, my friend suggested that I try to shut down cause that helps her, but I don’t even know how to.

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You are NOT stupid. This guy sounds like he has narcissistic tendencies - and he sounds like a really horrendous sort overall. Telling you about the sex he's having with her?? Normal guys do NOT do this.

Girl, you dodged a huge bullet and I know it may not feel like it now, but you will be SO glad of it one day, I PROMISE! Btw he's telling you all of this ON PURPOSE, in his twisted mind, he knows this will hurt you and he gets a kick out of it...it was never you, but he wants to gaslight you into believing you're useless because people like him are empty vessels and get their kicks out of having power over others through hurting him.

Also - the thing with the new girl isn't going to last. He will idealise her to you and to others but it will crumble. Easy come, easy go. There's no substance to it. But believe me, she's going to have a harder time of it when he leaves her then you have...you've had a clean break in comparison.

Stick with the horrible feelings, live through the pain for as long as is needed to process it, but absolutely employ NC and stay away would be my advice. If you could see the ugliness inside characters like this you would run far away!

 

 

A few of my friends mentioned this, that he likes to pick at my self confidence and even punish me when I don’t comply. He kept interrogating me to find out if I had sex too (like hooked up like he did) because I guess I’m his mind he can, but I can’t.

 

Who in their right mind thinks about getting into another serious relationship so fast after a big breakup and after only a few dates? It’s one thing that I’m disgusted he can even have sex with a stranger right after we broke up, but to already be asking her if she wants kids?

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A few of my friends mentioned this, that he likes to pick at my self confidence and even punish me when I don’t comply. He kept interrogating me to find out if I had sex too (like hooked up like he did) because I guess I’m his mind he can, but I can’t.

 

Who in their right mind thinks about getting into another serious relationship so fast after a big breakup and after only a few dates? It’s one thing that I’m disgusted he can even have sex with a stranger right after we broke up, but to already be asking her if she wants kids?

 

Well, that's just it, he ISN'T in his right mind.

Believe me, I have studied narcissism extensively, and have a family member who has narcissistic personality disorder...their behaviour is always very, very similar following a very familiar pattern.

He quickly moves on because she is his next source of 'narcissistic supply' - he is basically empty inside and needs attention and adoration from others to feel good about himself. He moves on quickly and will declare all kinds of crap he doesn't really mean to the next source of supply as part of 'lovebombing' - to snare his next supply of attention basically. To be asking her if she wants kids already....that is not normal, and he has picked well if she finds this alluring....usually this type of man picks up insecure women who are desperate for love that they will hear abnormal stuff like 'I love yous' within a matter of days/weeks and about having kids...and the woman is just so grateful that someone finally is giving her love and everything she wanted that she thinks: 'this is amazing, its meant to be, this is what i've been waiting for my whole life' but really the woman who falls for this nonsense has been waiting for care and attention her whole life as she is insecure....any normal, healthy, self-respecting woman would look at a guy like he is MENTAL if he suggests kids after a few weeks!!

 

Anyway, that's the first stage...then next stage once the new latest shiny gf becomes 'boring' is the devaluation stage...where he will get bored and need a new ego fix...and that stage is hideous for the poor girl....he will either just disappear without a trace, or then suddenly change his behaviour to make her jealous/upset/hurt so that she starts begging for the lovebombing stage to happen again. 'Why has he suddenly changed, it makes no sense' - that's because it DOESN'T make sense - because the lovebombing was all an act! None of it is who he really is. THIS horrible stage is who he really is...and its so difficult to understand how someone can switch.

 

But unfortunately, that is the difficult pill to swallow.

 

Believe me, I've had plenty of experience with this type...they're sooo predictable that once you know of them, you can sniff them a mile away.

 

Best way to get back at them? NC and FOCUS ON YOU. Btw, this type will always come back, but trust me, you won't want them back. When you ignore him and move on with your life...this will make him furious...he will try to get your attention again.....which may sound tempting if you are still raw and want him back but my advice is: STAY. AWAY. Run as far as you can from this type!!

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Well, that's just it, he ISN'T in his right mind.

Believe me, I have studied narcissism extensively, and have a family member who has narcissistic personality disorder...their behaviour is always very, very similar following a very familiar pattern.

He quickly moves on because she is his next source of 'narcissistic supply' - he is basically empty inside and needs attention and adoration from others to feel good about himself. He moves on quickly and will declare all kinds of crap he doesn't really mean to the next source of supply as part of 'lovebombing' - to snare his next supply of attention basically. To be asking her if she wants kids already....that is not normal, and he has picked well if she finds this alluring....usually this type of man picks up insecure women who are desperate for love that they will hear abnormal stuff like 'I love yous' within a matter of days/weeks and about having kids...and the woman is just so grateful that someone finally is giving her love and everything she wanted that she thinks: 'this is amazing, its meant to be, this is what i've been waiting for my whole life' but really the woman who falls for this nonsense has been waiting for care and attention her whole life as she is insecure....any normal, healthy, self-respecting woman would look at a guy like he is MENTAL if he suggests kids after a few weeks!!

 

Anyway, that's the first stage...then next stage once the new latest shiny gf becomes 'boring' is the devaluation stage...where he will get bored and need a new ego fix...and that stage is hideous for the poor girl....he will either just disappear without a trace, or then suddenly change his behaviour to make her jealous/upset/hurt so that she starts begging for the lovebombing stage to happen again. 'Why has he suddenly changed, it makes no sense' - that's because it DOESN'T make sense - because the lovebombing was all an act! None of it is who he really is. THIS horrible stage is who he really is...and its so difficult to understand how someone can switch.

 

But unfortunately, that is the difficult pill to swallow.

 

Believe me, I've had plenty of experience with this type...they're sooo predictable that once you know of them, you can sniff them a mile away.

 

Best way to get back at them? NC and FOCUS ON YOU. Btw, this type will always come back, but trust me, you won't want them back. When you ignore him and move on with your life...this will make him furious...he will try to get your attention again.....which may sound tempting if you are still raw and want him back but my advice is: STAY. AWAY. Run as far as you can from this type!!

 

You are great at explaining this and so much of it resonates with me. He has even said to me few weeks after meeting me that I’m the woman he’s considering mother of his children!

 

Btw, this new girl is hopefully smarter than me and will dump him. She’s a flight attendant so he only sees her on the weekends. She told him yeah I want kids but not ANY time soon cause she’s focusing on her job!

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You are great at explaining this and so much of it resonates with me. He has even said to me few weeks after meeting me that I’m the woman he’s considering mother of his children!

 

Btw, this new girl is hopefully smarter than me and will dump him. She’s a flight attendant so he only sees her on the weekends. She told him yeah I want kids but not ANY time soon cause she’s focusing on her job!

 

Haha, this new girl sounds like exactly the tonic he needs. It's not going to end well for him at all, and he is likely to go beserk. The fact she responded like that does show she is healthy - right now she's not seeing him often enough to sniff out the dodgy traits - plus he will be concealing most of them during the lovebombing phase as he 'mirrors' her personality to convince her he is amazing...but that will end sooner rather than later.

 

If it's any consolation at all, and gives you any hope, I used to have these types of relationships, due to having a mother who operates in the same way. So to me, it was familiar and not abnormal. After studying it, and going to a therapist, and EXTENSIVE personal work on myself, I cut out this nonsense sharpish. Last time this happened to me in 2014 was the straw that broke the camel's back - I got to the bottom of it and after a few weeks had passed, was over him COMPLETELY and what do you know...he got back in touch...again, and again...and then again through a friend to try to get me reeled back in - and I wasn't in the least bit interested each and every time. It felt SO GOOD and once I'd seen it all for what it really is, there was no going back. Now whenever I sniff out these traits, the men are instantly unattractive to me - a state I never thought I'd reach! The hard work pays off.

 

It's funny, once you're fully self-aware of what it means to be a healthy individual and what healthy relationships are, there's no going back. Every other type of nonsense gets filtered out very quickly!

 

A final note...he will be back. He will be back when this air hostess chick gets a wind of the nonsense and he will want to regain his fix from the next available supply...i.e. you....don't make the mistake of accepting it...he will pull out all the stops and try to make himself seem like a white knight, all nonsense. Good luck!

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This is very similiar to my sitituation that just happened as well. He brought up sex stuff he liked and I kind of went with it and in the end he turned it around on me saying that "we were headed in an unhealthy sexual way", when he was the one going on about the stuff he liked, HE brought it up not me. So in fact I blamed myself just like you, these kinds of men do that, especially if they are narcissistic. He was so charming at first, I was in a vulnerable position at the time, but the further I am out of the situation the red flags I see now that I wished I had seen before. Funny actually I posted something on my FB to my ex before him about narc and he wrote "im guessing thats about me". Of course you would think it is about you (when it wasn't), because well I suppose the shoe fits and I just didn't see it.

 

He is also now in a relationship with a new woman that he is "so in love with" mind you we broke it off like 3 weeks ago if that. So naturally dragging her down with him. The longer I go with NC the more I realize I deserve so much more. You have to do the same. As hard as it is to believe he was so wrong for you. It sounds like you are doing exactly what I did and had an "expectation" of how things COULD HAVE been or what you had dreamt they would be, I held on to those fantasies and it only hurt longer in the end. They are just that fantasies, because reality is you would have been miserable eventually.

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This is very similiar to my sitituation that just happened as well. He brought up sex stuff he liked and I kind of went with it and in the end he turned it around on me saying that "we were headed in an unhealthy sexual way", when he was the one going on about the stuff he liked, HE brought it up not me. So in fact I blamed myself just like you, these kinds of men do that, especially if they are narcissistic. He was so charming at first, I was in a vulnerable position at the time, but the further I am out of the situation the red flags I see now that I wished I had seen before. Funny actually I posted something on my FB to my ex before him about narc and he wrote "im guessing thats about me". Of course you would think it is about you (when it wasn't), because well I suppose the shoe fits and I just didn't see it.

 

He is also now in a relationship with a new woman that he is "so in love with" mind you we broke it off like 3 weeks ago if that. So naturally dragging her down with him. The longer I go with NC the more I realize I deserve so much more. You have to do the same. As hard as it is to believe he was so wrong for you. It sounds like you are doing exactly what I did and had an "expectation" of how things COULD HAVE been or what you had dreamt they would be, I held on to those fantasies and it only hurt longer in the end. They are just that fantasies, because reality is you would have been miserable eventually.

 

That's it isn't it...the fantasies. That's the loss that's often left, that's what you mourn. The real thing in front of you showing their true colours is nothing like what you thought: you're not mourning that which they show you now, but which you previously thought.

 

Your guy sounds horrendous and I'm so glad you are making progress and seem to be quite aware of the reality of it all. Good luck to you - you will get there! Eventually the fantasy fades, sometimes far quicker than you can imagine if you just immerse yourself as much as you can in day to day life and normality once again.

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Please keep the stories coming, it helps. I really hate how I’m feeling now, rejected, hurt, dumped, lied to, and most of it is just how mad I am at my self for letting it go this long, for not standing up for myself. I hope as the days go I’ll stop caring and I’ll start respecting and loving myself again.

 

I just hate how he’s with someone new and happy and doesn’t care that we broke up, he’s moving on, and here I am alone in bed feeling like the biggest loser.

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Please keep the stories coming, it helps. I really hate how I’m feeling now, rejected, hurt, dumped, lied to, and most of it is just how mad I am at my self for letting it go this long, for not standing up for myself. I hope as the days go I’ll stop caring and I’ll start respecting and loving myself again.

 

I just hate how he’s with someone new and happy and doesn’t care that we broke up, he’s moving on, and here I am alone in bed feeling like the biggest loser.

 

I remember feeling like this.

It is totally normal - you're basically grieving the loss of someone who doesn't really exist, an illusion that the guy put on.

 

He's not happy, this is what you have to keep reminding yourself of. He's getting his ego fix met with this girl - yes he doesn't care that you broke up, but that's not a reflection on YOU, it's how these people are. They don't care about anything but themselves. He doesn't care about this new girl either.

Feel bad for as long as you need to, keep talking it out, but don't let the emotions override your whole life.

When I was in your position, I'd allow myself to mope, feel bad, rant in my diary, but made sure to get out of the house to have a break from my thoughts (even if it was just a little walk to the shop), and slowly, slowly start doing things again. I'd start off slow by watching my favourite tv shows, even though it could be hard to concentrate at times. Then I'd try something else - ANYTHING - I literally looked up a recipe and decided my project for the day would be to bake gooey chocolate brownies - sounds silly, but little things like that help a LOT. It's the always the little things that lead to the bigger ones...slowly, slowly.

 

Sending you hugs and comfort, Jenfloss, hang on in there. Believe me you'll look back and be grateful for this outcome. Imagine it having gone further and you guys ended up married with kids...and the nonsense starts much later on when you're even more involved....this was the case with someone I knew who got involved with a narcissist, they moved in together within 2 WEEKS, got a mortgage together...and later on his true colours started showing. At which point she had gotten herself in so deep she couldn't see herself out of the relationship anymore. He behaved disgustingly - verbally and physically abusive, cheated, repeatedly attempted to make her jealous with other partners.....eventually leaving her because 'her sadness (which HE caused) wasn't the fun girl he fell for'. Pure selfishness. The poor girl ended up getting stress-induced psychosis, and he didn't give a ****. She'd lost all her friends at this point through being miserable for so long and just focusing on him that it fell on me to go to her hometown and admit her to hospital, where she was sectioned against her will. I'll never forget how broken she was compared to the beautiful, caring person she was before meeting him. I took charge of her phone, finances, everything whilst she was in there. The creep had the nerve to text her about HIS problems during this time and when I texted back through her phone that it was best not to contact her as she is very unwell and needs lots of time to recover, he had the audacity to make it all about him and say 'everything happens to me. My dad has received a terminal diagnosis too. I know you will understand, you are that sort...' basically trying to receive sympathy from ME. This is the extent they go to. I told him it was best to focus on his own things and not to text again.

 

This is the kind of destruction that a future with a narcissist entails. It ain't pretty. And when there are kids involved, it's a hundred times worse.

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Woke up this morning and all that pain woke up with me. It rushed in through me, I could feel it in my body. Then all the awful and horrible thoughts about myself came at me. You know, these things we tell ourselves once someone doesn’t love us back?

 

- I’m not worthy.

- I am rejected.

- I am not good enough.

- I am humiliated.

- I am defeated.

- I don’t really matter.

- I am not loved.

- You made a fool of yourself.

 

More phrases like this hit me one by one, over and over again. Then I felt hate for him, that I wanted his heart to break too, but that anger still didn’t feel good.

So instead, I’m going to let myself feel that rejection and then I’ll let it pass.

 

I can only be strong with the strength I have today. I can’t worry about tomorrow’s strength. I wish I can fast forward this, to not feel all of this, but this time is needed to really process, to see the real big picture. To see him clearly once the dust settles. To see that this had to happen, and how I did dodge a bullet.

 

Sadly he won’t get that, he won’t process it or learn cause he threw himself into another relationship right away, without really confronting his demons. There’s no time for him to grow, and once this new relationship loses its shine he’ll feel the weight of it all.

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I remember feeling like this.

It is totally normal - you're basically grieving the loss of someone who doesn't really exist, an illusion that the guy put on.

 

He's not happy, this is what you have to keep reminding yourself of. He's getting his ego fix met with this girl - yes he doesn't care that you broke up, but that's not a reflection on YOU, it's how these people are. They don't care about anything but themselves. He doesn't care about this new girl either.

Feel bad for as long as you need to, keep talking it out, but don't let the emotions override your whole life.

When I was in your position, I'd allow myself to mope, feel bad, rant in my diary, but made sure to get out of the house to have a break from my thoughts (even if it was just a little walk to the shop), and slowly, slowly start doing things again. I'd start off slow by watching my favourite tv shows, even though it could be hard to concentrate at times. Then I'd try something else - ANYTHING - I literally looked up a recipe and decided my project for the day would be to bake gooey chocolate brownies - sounds silly, but little things like that help a LOT. It's the always the little things that lead to the bigger ones...slowly, slowly.

 

Sending you hugs and comfort, Jenfloss, hang on in there. Believe me you'll look back and be grateful for this outcome. Imagine it having gone further and you guys ended up married with kids...and the nonsense starts much later on when you're even more involved....this was the case with someone I knew who got involved with a narcissist, they moved in together within 2 WEEKS, got a mortgage together...and later on his true colours started showing. At which point she had gotten herself in so deep she couldn't see herself out of the relationship anymore. He behaved disgustingly - verbally and physically abusive, cheated, repeatedly attempted to make her jealous with other partners.....eventually leaving her because 'her sadness (which HE caused) wasn't the fun girl he fell for'. Pure selfishness. The poor girl ended up getting stress-induced psychosis, and he didn't give a ****. She'd lost all her friends at this point through being miserable for so long and just focusing on him that it fell on me to go to her hometown and admit her to hospital, where she was sectioned against her will. I'll never forget how broken she was compared to the beautiful, caring person she was before meeting him. I took charge of her phone, finances, everything whilst she was in there. The creep had the nerve to text her about HIS problems during this time and when I texted back through her phone that it was best not to contact her as she is very unwell and needs lots of time to recover, he had the audacity to make it all about him and say 'everything happens to me. My dad has received a terminal diagnosis too. I know you will understand, you are that sort...' basically trying to receive sympathy from ME. This is the extent they go to. I told him it was best to focus on his own things and not to text again.

 

This is the kind of destruction that a future with a narcissist entails. It ain't pretty. And when there are kids involved, it's a hundred times worse.

 

Wow what a story! I feel so bad for her and almost relieved for me, to see how he’s destroyed me in 10 months, and I am at my limit now, I couldn’t imagine living that way forever. And funny thing, that’s all they talk about. Their hurt and their pain. Like after he told me about that girl then he said part of me really doesn’t want to hear if you’re dating too but I’m happy for you if you are.

 

In my last message I told him that truly in my heart of hearts, he’s the problem. How he’s got a track record of pulling the same breakup trick on all his ex’s. Now his little acts has caused him to lose love. Many times. I told him now I see you for who you really are, your masks no longer work.

 

And now he’s lost my respect. I don’t want to sound petty either but I do feel a lot of disgust for him. Once I lose my respect for a man who I thought highly of, there’s no more love at this point. Like I idolized him, I’ll demonize him.

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You shouldn't even be talking to him bottom line

 

I’m not. These things we said few days ago. He’s blocked everywhere.

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Woke up this morning and all that pain woke up with me. It rushed in through me, I could feel it in my body. Then all the awful and horrible thoughts about myself came at me. You know, these things we tell ourselves once someone doesn’t love us back?

 

- I’m not worthy.

- I am rejected.

- I am not good enough.

- I am humiliated.

- I am defeated.

- I don’t really matter.

- I am not loved.

- You made a fool of yourself.

 

More phrases like this hit me one by one, over and over again. Then I felt hate for him, that I wanted his heart to break too, but that anger still didn’t feel good.

So instead, I’m going to let myself feel that rejection and then I’ll let it pass.

 

I can only be strong with the strength I have today. I can’t worry about tomorrow’s strength. I wish I can fast forward this, to not feel all of this, but this time is needed to really process, to see the real big picture. To see him clearly once the dust settles. To see that this had to happen, and how I did dodge a bullet.

 

Sadly he won’t get that, he won’t process it or learn cause he threw himself into another relationship right away, without really confronting his demons. There’s no time for him to grow, and once this new relationship loses its shine he’ll feel the weight of it all.

 

Listen I told myself the same things, you have to remember that it has nothing to do with you. I know that is hard to do right now, like I said I just got to the point to where I am okay, not great but okay with myself. I posted some post-its all over my house. Ones that say "You are worthy", "you are beautiful", "you are kind" etc that has helped me too, I am reminded every time I look at them. What has also helped me is this place, reading that I am not alone, someone out there is struggling too and we can help eachother. T Stay strong, you are so much better than you believe right now. Someday you will look back and laugh that you even cared, (at least that is what I am hoping for myself). It gets better, it just takes time.

 

Do things you enjoy, even if you have to force yourself to.

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That's it isn't it...the fantasies. That's the loss that's often left, that's what you mourn. The real thing in front of you showing their true colours is nothing like what you thought: you're not mourning that which they show you now, but which you previously thought.

 

Your guy sounds horrendous and I'm so glad you are making progress and seem to be quite aware of the reality of it all. Good luck to you - you will get there! Eventually the fantasy fades, sometimes far quicker than you can imagine if you just immerse yourself as much as you can in day to day life and normality once again.

 

Thank you for the advice Pink, I am glad to be able to help someone else now. I knew I went through the crapper to be able to use it in one way. It absolutely is a fantasy sometimes a fantasy that THEY helped build. I think that is what made me the most mad through it all, why not just leave why make promises of sweet nothings? But I don't need those answers any longer, all I wanted was some answers in the beginning and now I really think that someone up above was looking out for me.

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