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I was dumped.


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 3rd February 2018, 8:36 PM   #16
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This is very similiar to my sitituation that just happened as well. He brought up sex stuff he liked and I kind of went with it and in the end he turned it around on me saying that "we were headed in an unhealthy sexual way", when he was the one going on about the stuff he liked, HE brought it up not me. So in fact I blamed myself just like you, these kinds of men do that, especially if they are narcissistic. He was so charming at first, I was in a vulnerable position at the time, but the further I am out of the situation the red flags I see now that I wished I had seen before. Funny actually I posted something on my FB to my ex before him about narc and he wrote "im guessing thats about me". Of course you would think it is about you (when it wasn't), because well I suppose the shoe fits and I just didn't see it.

He is also now in a relationship with a new woman that he is "so in love with" mind you we broke it off like 3 weeks ago if that. So naturally dragging her down with him. The longer I go with NC the more I realize I deserve so much more. You have to do the same. As hard as it is to believe he was so wrong for you. It sounds like you are doing exactly what I did and had an "expectation" of how things COULD HAVE been or what you had dreamt they would be, I held on to those fantasies and it only hurt longer in the end. They are just that fantasies, because reality is you would have been miserable eventually.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 8:58 PM   #17
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Originally Posted by Jennakay08 View Post
This is very similiar to my sitituation that just happened as well. He brought up sex stuff he liked and I kind of went with it and in the end he turned it around on me saying that "we were headed in an unhealthy sexual way", when he was the one going on about the stuff he liked, HE brought it up not me. So in fact I blamed myself just like you, these kinds of men do that, especially if they are narcissistic. He was so charming at first, I was in a vulnerable position at the time, but the further I am out of the situation the red flags I see now that I wished I had seen before. Funny actually I posted something on my FB to my ex before him about narc and he wrote "im guessing thats about me". Of course you would think it is about you (when it wasn't), because well I suppose the shoe fits and I just didn't see it.

He is also now in a relationship with a new woman that he is "so in love with" mind you we broke it off like 3 weeks ago if that. So naturally dragging her down with him. The longer I go with NC the more I realize I deserve so much more. You have to do the same. As hard as it is to believe he was so wrong for you. It sounds like you are doing exactly what I did and had an "expectation" of how things COULD HAVE been or what you had dreamt they would be, I held on to those fantasies and it only hurt longer in the end. They are just that fantasies, because reality is you would have been miserable eventually.
That's it isn't it...the fantasies. That's the loss that's often left, that's what you mourn. The real thing in front of you showing their true colours is nothing like what you thought: you're not mourning that which they show you now, but which you previously thought.

Your guy sounds horrendous and I'm so glad you are making progress and seem to be quite aware of the reality of it all. Good luck to you - you will get there! Eventually the fantasy fades, sometimes far quicker than you can imagine if you just immerse yourself as much as you can in day to day life and normality once again.
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Old 3rd February 2018, 10:31 PM   #18
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Please keep the stories coming, it helps. I really hate how Iím feeling now, rejected, hurt, dumped, lied to, and most of it is just how mad I am at my self for letting it go this long, for not standing up for myself. I hope as the days go Iíll stop caring and Iíll start respecting and loving myself again.

I just hate how heís with someone new and happy and doesnít care that we broke up, heís moving on, and here I am alone in bed feeling like the biggest loser.
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Old 4th February 2018, 8:51 AM   #19
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Please keep the stories coming, it helps. I really hate how I’m feeling now, rejected, hurt, dumped, lied to, and most of it is just how mad I am at my self for letting it go this long, for not standing up for myself. I hope as the days go I’ll stop caring and I’ll start respecting and loving myself again.

I just hate how he’s with someone new and happy and doesn’t care that we broke up, he’s moving on, and here I am alone in bed feeling like the biggest loser.
I remember feeling like this.
It is totally normal - you're basically grieving the loss of someone who doesn't really exist, an illusion that the guy put on.

He's not happy, this is what you have to keep reminding yourself of. He's getting his ego fix met with this girl - yes he doesn't care that you broke up, but that's not a reflection on YOU, it's how these people are. They don't care about anything but themselves. He doesn't care about this new girl either.
Feel bad for as long as you need to, keep talking it out, but don't let the emotions override your whole life.
When I was in your position, I'd allow myself to mope, feel bad, rant in my diary, but made sure to get out of the house to have a break from my thoughts (even if it was just a little walk to the shop), and slowly, slowly start doing things again. I'd start off slow by watching my favourite tv shows, even though it could be hard to concentrate at times. Then I'd try something else - ANYTHING - I literally looked up a recipe and decided my project for the day would be to bake gooey chocolate brownies - sounds silly, but little things like that help a LOT. It's the always the little things that lead to the bigger ones...slowly, slowly.

Sending you hugs and comfort, Jenfloss, hang on in there. Believe me you'll look back and be grateful for this outcome. Imagine it having gone further and you guys ended up married with kids...and the nonsense starts much later on when you're even more involved....this was the case with someone I knew who got involved with a narcissist, they moved in together within 2 WEEKS, got a mortgage together...and later on his true colours started showing. At which point she had gotten herself in so deep she couldn't see herself out of the relationship anymore. He behaved disgustingly - verbally and physically abusive, cheated, repeatedly attempted to make her jealous with other partners.....eventually leaving her because 'her sadness (which HE caused) wasn't the fun girl he fell for'. Pure selfishness. The poor girl ended up getting stress-induced psychosis, and he didn't give a ****. She'd lost all her friends at this point through being miserable for so long and just focusing on him that it fell on me to go to her hometown and admit her to hospital, where she was sectioned against her will. I'll never forget how broken she was compared to the beautiful, caring person she was before meeting him. I took charge of her phone, finances, everything whilst she was in there. The creep had the nerve to text her about HIS problems during this time and when I texted back through her phone that it was best not to contact her as she is very unwell and needs lots of time to recover, he had the audacity to make it all about him and say 'everything happens to me. My dad has received a terminal diagnosis too. I know you will understand, you are that sort...' basically trying to receive sympathy from ME. This is the extent they go to. I told him it was best to focus on his own things and not to text again.

This is the kind of destruction that a future with a narcissist entails. It ain't pretty. And when there are kids involved, it's a hundred times worse.
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Old 4th February 2018, 8:53 AM   #20
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Woke up this morning and all that pain woke up with me. It rushed in through me, I could feel it in my body. Then all the awful and horrible thoughts about myself came at me. You know, these things we tell ourselves once someone doesnít love us back?

- Iím not worthy.
- I am rejected.
- I am not good enough.
- I am humiliated.
- I am defeated.
- I donít really matter.
- I am not loved.
- You made a fool of yourself.

More phrases like this hit me one by one, over and over again. Then I felt hate for him, that I wanted his heart to break too, but that anger still didnít feel good.
So instead, Iím going to let myself feel that rejection and then Iíll let it pass.

I can only be strong with the strength I have today. I canít worry about tomorrowís strength. I wish I can fast forward this, to not feel all of this, but this time is needed to really process, to see the real big picture. To see him clearly once the dust settles. To see that this had to happen, and how I did dodge a bullet.

Sadly he wonít get that, he wonít process it or learn cause he threw himself into another relationship right away, without really confronting his demons. Thereís no time for him to grow, and once this new relationship loses its shine heíll feel the weight of it all.
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:03 AM   #21
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Originally Posted by pinkpaw View Post
I remember feeling like this.
It is totally normal - you're basically grieving the loss of someone who doesn't really exist, an illusion that the guy put on.

He's not happy, this is what you have to keep reminding yourself of. He's getting his ego fix met with this girl - yes he doesn't care that you broke up, but that's not a reflection on YOU, it's how these people are. They don't care about anything but themselves. He doesn't care about this new girl either.
Feel bad for as long as you need to, keep talking it out, but don't let the emotions override your whole life.
When I was in your position, I'd allow myself to mope, feel bad, rant in my diary, but made sure to get out of the house to have a break from my thoughts (even if it was just a little walk to the shop), and slowly, slowly start doing things again. I'd start off slow by watching my favourite tv shows, even though it could be hard to concentrate at times. Then I'd try something else - ANYTHING - I literally looked up a recipe and decided my project for the day would be to bake gooey chocolate brownies - sounds silly, but little things like that help a LOT. It's the always the little things that lead to the bigger ones...slowly, slowly.

Sending you hugs and comfort, Jenfloss, hang on in there. Believe me you'll look back and be grateful for this outcome. Imagine it having gone further and you guys ended up married with kids...and the nonsense starts much later on when you're even more involved....this was the case with someone I knew who got involved with a narcissist, they moved in together within 2 WEEKS, got a mortgage together...and later on his true colours started showing. At which point she had gotten herself in so deep she couldn't see herself out of the relationship anymore. He behaved disgustingly - verbally and physically abusive, cheated, repeatedly attempted to make her jealous with other partners.....eventually leaving her because 'her sadness (which HE caused) wasn't the fun girl he fell for'. Pure selfishness. The poor girl ended up getting stress-induced psychosis, and he didn't give a ****. She'd lost all her friends at this point through being miserable for so long and just focusing on him that it fell on me to go to her hometown and admit her to hospital, where she was sectioned against her will. I'll never forget how broken she was compared to the beautiful, caring person she was before meeting him. I took charge of her phone, finances, everything whilst she was in there. The creep had the nerve to text her about HIS problems during this time and when I texted back through her phone that it was best not to contact her as she is very unwell and needs lots of time to recover, he had the audacity to make it all about him and say 'everything happens to me. My dad has received a terminal diagnosis too. I know you will understand, you are that sort...' basically trying to receive sympathy from ME. This is the extent they go to. I told him it was best to focus on his own things and not to text again.

This is the kind of destruction that a future with a narcissist entails. It ain't pretty. And when there are kids involved, it's a hundred times worse.
Wow what a story! I feel so bad for her and almost relieved for me, to see how heís destroyed me in 10 months, and I am at my limit now, I couldnít imagine living that way forever. And funny thing, thatís all they talk about. Their hurt and their pain. Like after he told me about that girl then he said part of me really doesnít want to hear if youíre dating too but Iím happy for you if you are.

In my last message I told him that truly in my heart of hearts, heís the problem. How heís got a track record of pulling the same breakup trick on all his exís. Now his little acts has caused him to lose love. Many times. I told him now I see you for who you really are, your masks no longer work.

And now heís lost my respect. I donít want to sound petty either but I do feel a lot of disgust for him. Once I lose my respect for a man who I thought highly of, thereís no more love at this point. Like I idolized him, Iíll demonize him.
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:16 AM   #22
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You shouldn't even be talking to him bottom line
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Old 4th February 2018, 9:27 AM   #23
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You shouldn't even be talking to him bottom line
Iím not. These things we said few days ago. Heís blocked everywhere.
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Old 4th February 2018, 10:38 AM   #24
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Woke up this morning and all that pain woke up with me. It rushed in through me, I could feel it in my body. Then all the awful and horrible thoughts about myself came at me. You know, these things we tell ourselves once someone doesnít love us back?

- Iím not worthy.
- I am rejected.
- I am not good enough.
- I am humiliated.
- I am defeated.
- I donít really matter.
- I am not loved.
- You made a fool of yourself.


More phrases like this hit me one by one, over and over again. Then I felt hate for him, that I wanted his heart to break too, but that anger still didnít feel good.
So instead, Iím going to let myself feel that rejection and then Iíll let it pass.

I can only be strong with the strength I have today. I canít worry about tomorrowís strength. I wish I can fast forward this, to not feel all of this, but this time is needed to really process, to see the real big picture. To see him clearly once the dust settles. To see that this had to happen, and how I did dodge a bullet.

Sadly he wonít get that, he wonít process it or learn cause he threw himself into another relationship right away, without really confronting his demons. Thereís no time for him to grow, and once this new relationship loses its shine heíll feel the weight of it all.
Listen I told myself the same things, you have to remember that it has nothing to do with you. I know that is hard to do right now, like I said I just got to the point to where I am okay, not great but okay with myself. I posted some post-its all over my house. Ones that say "You are worthy", "you are beautiful", "you are kind" etc that has helped me too, I am reminded every time I look at them. What has also helped me is this place, reading that I am not alone, someone out there is struggling too and we can help eachother. T Stay strong, you are so much better than you believe right now. Someday you will look back and laugh that you even cared, (at least that is what I am hoping for myself). It gets better, it just takes time.

Do things you enjoy, even if you have to force yourself to.
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Old 4th February 2018, 10:43 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by pinkpaw View Post
That's it isn't it...the fantasies. That's the loss that's often left, that's what you mourn. The real thing in front of you showing their true colours is nothing like what you thought: you're not mourning that which they show you now, but which you previously thought.

Your guy sounds horrendous and I'm so glad you are making progress and seem to be quite aware of the reality of it all. Good luck to you - you will get there! Eventually the fantasy fades, sometimes far quicker than you can imagine if you just immerse yourself as much as you can in day to day life and normality once again.
Thank you for the advice Pink, I am glad to be able to help someone else now. I knew I went through the crapper to be able to use it in one way. It absolutely is a fantasy sometimes a fantasy that THEY helped build. I think that is what made me the most mad through it all, why not just leave why make promises of sweet nothings? But I don't need those answers any longer, all I wanted was some answers in the beginning and now I really think that someone up above was looking out for me.
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Old 5th February 2018, 9:59 AM   #26
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So after calling him out on my last message from days ago (where I was actually ruthless) he emailed me apologizing and saying how he knows I donít really mean the things I said and how he wants me to be happy.

Delusional? Heís stonewalled.
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Old 5th February 2018, 12:55 PM   #27
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So after calling him out on my last message from days ago (where I was actually ruthless) he emailed me apologizing and saying how he knows I donít really mean the things I said and how he wants me to be happy.

Delusional? Heís stonewalled.
He's in denial cus you inflicted narcissistic injury, calling him out on his real self. You caused hurt by calling him out on his true self that which he was wants to deny to himself. Do NOT engage with this.

Ignore, delete, block. The only way forward
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Old 5th February 2018, 1:13 PM   #28
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He's in denial cus you inflicted narcissistic injury, calling him out on his real self. You caused hurt by calling him out on his true self that which he was wants to deny to himself. Do NOT engage with this.

Ignore, delete, block. The only way forward
And Iím so glad I did! I put him on a pedestal and he knows it, now he realizes that those rose colored glasses are long gone! Iím honestly starting to believe heís a sociopath after reading the book ďthe sociopath next doorĒ cause in his email he said Iím not sure what to say or what I did...

Itís either that he doesnít understand his feelings (is there a term for that?) or he feels no guilt that would nudge at his conscious to alert him of his evil actions. See, normal people when they say sorry, they actually acknowledge their bad choices.

Thank you so much, youíve really helped me understand him more.
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Old 5th February 2018, 1:22 PM   #29
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And I’m so glad I did! I put him on a pedestal and he knows it, now he realizes that those rose colored glasses are long gone! I’m honestly starting to believe he’s a sociopath after reading the book “the sociopath next door” cause in his email he said I’m not sure what to say or what I did...

It’s either that he doesn’t understand his feelings (is there a term for that?) or he feels no guilt that would nudge at his conscious to alert him of his evil actions. See, normal people when they say sorry, they actually acknowledge their bad choices.

Thank you so much, you’ve really helped me understand him more.
He's morally bankrupt.
He doesn't have the ability to feel empathy.
Empty vessel.
You won't get any rational answers from him, nor will he be able to give them to himself.
He isn't 'normal'. He doesn't understand his feelings because hIs emotional development is halted at an immature stage - most likely due to inadequate parenting. And no, his new girlfriend - nor any other girlfriend - can't fix that - though many girls in this position spend an awful lot of time trying to be 'the one' to fix him, so he can finally be normal and give the love he gave at the beginning, which was fake.
You can only get rational answers from yourself at this point. Leave him to his messy affairs.

Continue reading and educating yourself on these types of men - and also look into why you attracted him in the first place - that can help you learn a LOT about you. I used to think the 'lovebombing' is real love, even when my friends would screw up their nose at what I was telling them and say they find it weird. After understanding more about why I accepted the kinds of things other healthier friends didn't, I started to move forward.
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Old 5th February 2018, 5:44 PM   #30
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He's morally bankrupt.
He doesn't have the ability to feel empathy.
Empty vessel.
You won't get any rational answers from him, nor will he be able to give them to himself.
He isn't 'normal'. He doesn't understand his feelings because hIs emotional development is halted at an immature stage - most likely due to inadequate parenting. And no, his new girlfriend - nor any other girlfriend - can't fix that - though many girls in this position spend an awful lot of time trying to be 'the one' to fix him, so he can finally be normal and give the love he gave at the beginning, which was fake.
You can only get rational answers from yourself at this point. Leave him to his messy affairs.

Continue reading and educating yourself on these types of men - and also look into why you attracted him in the first place - that can help you learn a LOT about you. I used to think the 'lovebombing' is real love, even when my friends would screw up their nose at what I was telling them and say they find it weird. After understanding more about why I accepted the kinds of things other healthier friends didn't, I started to move forward.
Makes PERFECT sense! Actually when we were talking before he blamed me for a big part of how it fell apart, he said well I know it takes two, I depended on you to tell me you werenít enjoying the rough sex. Like buddy, Iím not the one who had to numb herself, I was 100% present. Heís so out of it that he canít take responsibility for his mistakes. Then tells me heís having rough sex with that new girl and how he missed how intense the sex we had was.

Him sharing that about her too? Low class.
He needs a therapist. Fast.
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