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8 months & i didnt get over him. me!


Breaks and Breaking Up It happens to most everyone at some point in life! Share your experiences!

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Old 28th June 2017, 3:17 AM   #1
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Venting here as part of my moving on therapy

It is been more than 1 month now after my break-up with my Ex-Fiance. The first 2 weeks were really really painful. I don't think i ever stopped crying. After those 2 next weeks, i started feeling better but still numb & bitter. We broke up because we had a fight & he accused me that i threw tantrums at him while i did not. He hurt me big time. am from the middleast & my ex-fiance is from the US, we met in UK, & immediately fell in love, he moved to my country to be with me.We got engaged after 6 months & we were planning to live in Europe. Everything was going so smooth until one day we had a big fight on very silly reasons & he left back to his country & broke up with me saying we dont culturally click, that nothing is wrong with me but we just are culturally different. I was shocked because our relationship was so special & we never talked about us being culturally different and it was never a deal breaker for us. We simply used to merge both our cultures so we can create the best of both. I was devastated when he said it is impossible to fix it and even though he loves me so much but he is thinking about the future positive outcome. After almost 1 month now from the breakup, i started the moving on process, started yoga, jogging, going out with friends, going on dates, whitened my teeth, new hair style, but at the end of the day I always ask myself why he didnt work on our relationship, why can someone that claimed to love me so much, leave so easily. A little background about him: he is divorced, his parents are divorced. He only said its culture but i dont think this is the reason.

Well my e-fiance & i had to communicate about how i have to ship his stuff & how i should sell the rings & transfer him back the money ( my idea ) but he accused me that i am forcing a conversation by talking about stuff shipment so I had to cut off the communication so i can start moving on & he hurt me more by telling me this since even though he broke my heart i was still willing to ship all his clothes & ring money but he accused me that i am forcing a conversation. So 2 week ago i had to cut off communication like i said before & i told him when i move on in the next upcoming year i will talk to him about the shipment logistics since i wont keep his stuff as hostage. He never replied back then & i really felt better since i really needed to stop talking to him if i really wanted to move on. I really worked on myself those past weeks & had really good days where i started feeling relieved. On the other hand, I am still going through those hard days where I cant stop thinking about us , the reason why he left me this way, about the pain i went through and still slightly going through. I always feel like i was convicted in a trial even though i am innocent & i had to deal with this. I cant get over the idea of how unfair this breakup was.

So i will be using this forum to let out all my feeling until i truly move on. And folks around here can help as well lol

Last edited by toomanyquestions123; 28th June 2017 at 3:24 AM..
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Old 28th June 2017, 3:50 AM   #2
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Bastard

Sounds like he is really immature and jumped into a commitment he couldn't handle. Just know that you didn't do anything wrong and he didn't love you enough to stay and that in itself should be enough to be like you know what? I need to move on. That's how I think and it's been really working. Talk to us hear on loveshack, we are all here for you! YOU ARE NOT ALONE 😍
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Old 28th June 2017, 3:51 AM   #3
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Welcome aboard. Glad to hear you're doing your part to get yourself over this.

I'd be looking at compatibility issues as part of the closure process. In your post, you say that you had a big fight about something silly. Generally speaking, if something is important enough to have a big fight over, then it IS important issue. The other option is that it was a silly issue but one (or both) of you have still to learn to not make a big fuss over nothing. Either way, it does show that there were incompatibilities.

So what was this fight about? Did the fight involve either of you insulting or swearing at the other? Was anything thrown or broken during the fight?

But no matter who was at fault here, I'm wondering why you're trying to ship his stuff and selling the rings to send him money. If he wanted his stuff shipped, he should have have sorted it out when he was leaving. Meanwhile, his ring is his to sell. And your ring is yours. Send his ring to him by registered mail and let him do with it what he wants. And he has no claim on yours.

You need to remember that he's being rude to you about contacting him for HIS stuff. Do not contact him again about anything. Give his clothes to charity and if he complains, tell him that he made it very clear your contact was unwelcome and you were therefore unable to ship it.

In short, tell him to take a flying leap off a tall cliff.
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Old 28th June 2017, 4:06 AM   #4
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Exactly. Well i was shocked because i thought he loved me enough while he did not. Moving to my country and stabilizing here to be with me & proposing & wanting to marry me showed me that he is mad in love with me. BUT then he did this & i knew how much he did not truly did. That is the hardest part.
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Old 28th June 2017, 4:15 AM   #5
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So the last time he visited me & 2 days ago before flying to the US for work, i was the work & i felt something was bothering him so i went to his hotel to check up on him at night, he didnt open the door for me, so I had to tell the reception to open the door for me. He was really mad because he said i broke into his privacy while all i wanted to do was to check up on him out of concern. He kicked me out of the room this night & told me that he cant be with someone that breaks into his privacy this way ( but we were about to get married lol ). The next day, the same day before his flight, I told him if he thinks this way then we should go to my parents' house bring his grandparents and mother's rings if he wants to break up. So this day we commuted to my parents house, took his family's rings but left my wedding ring that he bought it for me. He said because he is not sure if the breakup is permanent or no & most likely it is just a break. Then after 2 weeks from his flight he threw the bomb that it is not a break, it is a break up and i should move on. The reasons why he distanced himself 2 days before he flew are so silly: I forgot to close the closets and the bin before i left to work the same morning before the fight & i treat him like an ATM ( lol no true at all ). I think he has commitment issues+stinginess issues but he showed otherwise.
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Old 30th June 2017, 12:03 PM   #6
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Today I had a lunch at work as a team building event. I had fund. Somehow i am managing to keep myself busy because the soonest I am left alone i will have those roller-coaster feelings again. I now started missing him instead of being angry or broken. I am now fantisizing about some events where he is with me. I dont want to go to weddings this summer but i have to. I will be wondering how did they make it through this even though the groom had the same basic pressures but he never left. I will always be wondering why he left me ? It has been 1 month & 1 week since the broken engagement. I want to feel way better at 2 months. MY AIM.
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Old 5th July 2017, 5:24 AM   #7
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Grrrr, i had this nightmare about him, where i was convincing him to stay but refused. He was not talking in the dream, and i was crying and telling him to stay. He hated me in the dream. Mind you this is the first time i dream about him since the break-up which is weird that i have not before. I still miss him, i started to forget how he looks like, how we were together. I feel like the more i move forward the less i will remember him. He will remain a memory. I just hope the damage he left will go away. I went on a date on Sunday, we kissed, it was the first one i kiss after my ex-fiance's break*up. I cried a lot, i told the new guy i am sorry but you really dont want to be with me, i am in a mess now. I cant trust guys and you seem a really good one but i cant get over the abandonment feeling. I had to friend-zone the new guy because i realized i still need more time to heal plus i dont want to just jump to any new relationship. I want my next one to be a very healthy one, i want the guy to be normal.
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Old 5th July 2017, 6:05 PM   #8
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Yikes yes be careful about dating too soon after a break up.
Last thing you want to do is to start a rebound relationship which will be unhealthy for both.

Take some time to get your bearings and figure out your priorities in life.

I am about a month after BU and even though I am super lonely. I just can't even think about another guy at the moment.

Keep posting. We will get through it!
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Old 5th July 2017, 7:18 PM   #9
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Your timeline is similar to mine and my ex-fiance. Hang in there. Things will get better.

I had a similar process - first 2 weeks, would do anything to get him to be back because of the pain/loneliness/guilt. Now I'm waking up and realizing that I don't even want him back anymore. There must have been a reason I was that upset - and while I need to improve some things, it wasn't the right relationship. And the way he and his family behaved re: break-up gave me a glimpse into my dark future had I stayed. I was lucky to get out.

I have a lot of weddings etc too that he promised. But for someone who can't even stay there to be with you - empty promises are not someone you want to be with. So we will be stronger.
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Old 10th July 2017, 4:02 AM   #10
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It is getting better. Day after day, I am feeling better. With sudden downs mostly when i am driving alone :P When i am driving alone i start remember the brutal way he left me. NC is been more than 1 month & seriously for people going through my thread & wondering how to move on from a recent break-up, please stop talking to your ex in any way. Remove them from all of your social media, put of their stuff in a box and hide it, delete all the chats & pictures. NC means NC. Trust me it is just a huge help. When you contact your ex the healing process is delayed. Once he/she breaks up you should immediately go into strict NC. I did the mistake for begging for 2 3 days but not for more. If someone doesnt want to be with you let him be. If you were treating them more than they deserve & they heartlessly left then to hell with them.
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Old 12th July 2017, 8:07 AM   #11
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it is amazing how happy & distracted you can be & then boom, you remember. You feel the stab in the heart & then you distract yourself again & you proceed with the moving on process. Moving on. Moving on process, what a hard phase.
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Old 12th July 2017, 9:09 AM   #12
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Moving on & healing are not linear. Two steps forward one step back but it's still progress.


Hang in there.
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Old 12th July 2017, 9:45 AM   #13
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It gets better. I do, however, like your metaphor. You feel convicted in a trial while you are innocent. How long were you together?
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Old 12th July 2017, 12:42 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by d0nnivain View Post
Moving on & healing are not linear. Two steps forward one step back but it's still progress.


Hang in there.
Thank you. I just want to get over the memory of the breakup. I find it hard to forget how he left me. I am having serious problems getting over the way he dealt with the breakup.I am too sweet to do this with anybody & it hurts me to know that someone i was going to marry is such a heartless one. I just booked for an amazing holiday on an island with friends, i didn't travel yet after the break up & i think i need it. I made a bucket list for the things i should do to move on; things that i will do that will help me progress.
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Old 12th July 2017, 12:46 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by Spartakooty View Post
It gets better. I do, however, like your metaphor. You feel convicted in a trial while you are innocent. How long were you together?
I have been thru several break-ups before my ex-fiance & i always moved on immediately with no baggage taken from the relationship.But with this break-up, i think & for the first time i am having trust issues & a hard time digesting what happened. I am afraid i will carry this baggage with me into my next relationship. It has been 2 months since he left my country, we were together for 1 year & a half, it is not a very long time but a lot happened during this period. We were supposed to get married in this upcoming December.
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