Valentines Day is coming up

[NomiMalone]

So... Valentines Day is coming up. By that time, my partner and I would be a month into our break up. We're mainly NC but it's amicable on the whole. I was the one who ended the relationship but I'm sure he knew it was going to be an uphill battle if we stayed together.

 

I'm deeply dreading Valentines Day already, and I can't stand seeing the cards etc already available in shops. I don't want him to feel as crappy as I will on Valentines Day. So what are your opinions on what I should do? Should I send chocolates to his office? Or would that be perceived as a breadcrumb and offensive? Or should I just send a text? Or should I just do nothing at all? Personally I think it'd be worse not to receive anything from my ex at all. Which is the worse of the 2 evils?

 

Many thanks!

[preraph]

You're broken up. You shouldn't do anything. You should make plans with friends if you're going to sit around depressed. Seriously, how nuts would it be to send someone you just broke up together with an "I love you be my Valentine"? More than a little confusing.

[Broken broken]

Do nothing at all, would be selfish to do so, and yes it would taste like breadcrumb

[Zahara]

You posted 10 days ago that you broke up with him due to the possibility of him being unfaithful along with other bad traits/treating you disrespectfully. You want to send him chocolates?!?!? Go back and read that thread.

 

Keep on healing and moving forward. Don't derail yourself just because of one commercially driven day.

 

Remain NC and stay there. Wake up.

[d0nnivain]

The best thing you can do is ignore him & the holiday. His state of mind is not your problem if you are broken up.

 

As for you, plan something, anything so you aren't wallowing. I used to go to the movies to see an action flick with some girlfriends.

[Young mind]

If you still love him, why not talk to him and try to sort it out instead of the grand gestures and chocolate games?.

[Zahara]

If you still love him, why not talk to him and try to sort it out instead of the grand gestures and chocolate games?.

 

Best to read her history with him and the reason why she broke up with him in the first place from her past thread.

[NomiMalone]

Thanks everyone! Appreciate the replies. Sounds like the consensus is to do is nothing, which I'll take on board. The last thing I want is to come across as giving out bread crumbs.

 

I respectfully disagree however that we should stop caring about someone's wellbeing once we're broken up.

 

It's true that I've left him and no longer want to be in a relationship with him. But I forgive him for what he's done, and still care about him as a human being. I know he's having as tough a time as I am.

[ExpatInItaly]

I can't see how it would be a good idea to acknowledge a romantic holiday to your ex, especially given the reasons you left.

 

Do nothing. Your relationship is over and you need to let go, too.

[Zahara]

Thanks everyone! Appreciate the replies. Sounds like the consensus is to do is nothing, which I'll take on board. The last thing I want is to come across as giving out bread crumbs.

 

I respectfully disagree however that we should stop caring about someone's wellbeing once we're broken up.

 

It's true that I've left him and no longer want to be in a relationship with him. But I forgive him for what he's done, and still care about him as a human being. I know he's having as tough a time as I am.

 

You're feigning forgiveness as a way to break the ice/NC. Using it as a way to blind yourself/ignore the bad so that you can hit the reset button with him/make contact.

 

[]You can care for some one after you've broken up with them but CARE for YOURSELF first. Your priority is your healing and self-respect. It is not for someone that treated you poorly. Don't romanticize who he is and what he's feeling but accept him for who he is -- he doesn't sound like someone who cares as much as you do, in your own words admitted he was lacking empathy for you. If he did care he wouldn't have treated you that way.

 

When the fog has lifted, maybe you'll start to see him in a different light. For now, stay NC and surround yourself with people that truly care for you on V day.

Edited January 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Topical content

[njoe755]

I am sorry to hear about what has happened.

 

But Honestly you shouldn't be messing up with your self rn. If

things are gone, they are gone long. You should not let your

self down.

 

It is not necessary that you can only celebrate it with your

partner. Your friends, family are also your loved ones.

 

You can go out with them and have fun. There is a lot

to do only if you want.

[d0nnivain]

I respectfully disagree however that we should stop caring about someone's wellbeing once we're broken up.

 

It's true that I've left him and no longer want to be in a relationship with him. But I forgive him for what he's done, and still care about him as a human being. I know he's having as tough a time as I am.

 

In this instance about this holiday it would cruel to be kind. By acknowledging Valentine's day you will make things worse. So if you really do care, do nothing. Anything you do will be rubbing salt in the wounds -- his and yours

[springy]

Thanks everyone! Appreciate the replies. Sounds like the consensus is to do is nothing, which I'll take on board. The last thing I want is to come across as giving out bread crumbs.

 

I respectfully disagree however that we should stop caring about someone's wellbeing once we're broken up.

 

It's true that I've left him and no longer want to be in a relationship with him. But I forgive him for what he's done, and still care about him as a human being. I know he's having as tough a time as I am.

 

Caring about someone's well being is fine. I don't see how sending chocolates (or any other form of acknowledgement) to an ex lover on valentines day is imagined to be a caring act, especially when you're not trying to get back together. Sorry.

[NomiMalone]

In this instance about this holiday it would cruel to be kind. By acknowledging Valentine's day you will make things worse. So if you really do care, do nothing. Anything you do will be rubbing salt in the wounds -- his and yours

 

Thanks d0nnivain, yes I'd hate to do anything unkind.

 

To set the record straight - the breakup was amicable, we are on friendly terms. We are mainly NC, but have checked in with each other a few times via text throughout this period. I don't feel any animosity towards him and any reason to cut him off or to be cold.

 

I left him due to his attention seeking ways with women (such as waitresses, receptionists) when we're out together, his general lack of empathy (not only towards me, but across the board), a few lies I caught him telling (mainly to do with finances), and divergent interests and political views. These issues may not bother some other women, but for me personally, they're problems.

 

He may, or may not have cheated during the relationship. It's something that I'll never know. I need to clarify that I've never in any of my posts written that he's cheated.

 

He did a lot for me in the time we were together, for which I'm grateful.

 

I miss being in a relationship very much. I'm not enjoying being alone. but I really do not want to be with him. There is zero possibility of a reconciliation.

[William]

Moderation stopping by to remind members to focus on the posted topic, here about Valentine's Day, and, if past posts of a thread starter appear to be relevant, there's a way to bring them into the current discussion. See here:

 

LoveShack.org Community Forums - Announcements in Forum : LoveShack.org Questions and Comments

 

Nothing new, been there around two years and has over 50,000 views. Old news. Pay attention to it. Usually moderation results from ignoring our announcements and directives. Thanks for your attention here and helping this member out!

[GoreSP]

I relate. I'm in a similar situation. I also know he will most likely have a date on valentine's day because he made it a point to tell me he had been hanging out with someone (which is really his speak for 'dating until it's official and everyone knows') and was going over to her place last night.

 

Anyhow. I went to the pharmacy the other day and they had these big, fluffy, heart shaped pillows and I bought myself one and was pretty darned happy I did.

 

I suggest you do the same and ignore him.

Valentine's day is about celebrating the people you love so I suggest you take this opportunity to love yourself this year.

[NomiMalone]

I relate. I'm in a similar situation. I also know he will most likely have a date on valentine's day because he made it a point to tell me he had been hanging out with someone (which is really his speak for 'dating until it's official and everyone knows') and was going over to her place last night.

 

Anyhow. I went to the pharmacy the other day and they had these big, fluffy, heart shaped pillows and I bought myself one and was pretty darned happy I did.

 

I suggest you do the same and ignore him.

Valentine's day is about celebrating the people you love so I suggest you take this opportunity to love yourself this year.

 

Thanks GoreSP, Your big fluffy heart shaped pillow sounds amazing

 

I've never been one to give much thought to Valentines Day when single. This year is different, because I'm newly broken up. Most of all I don't want my ex-partner to feel lonely and hurt on this day. I guess it is too late for that.