Been Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Went through a horrible break up- cheating and lying were involved on their part. Make matters worse I work with my now ex. When we broke up I went NC. No texts. No phone calls. NOTHING. At work I just avoided her which was hard but I managed to do it. Hadn't talked to her or seen her in seven months. So a night ago my phone receives a text and its from her. I was actually shocked. The text stated she was leaving the job we both work at and she wanted me to know first- why I have no idea. Anyways I decided to respond and she ended up calling me and talking to me for two hours. She all the sudden was concerned about being friends and staying in contact which confused me. Now I'm done with her as I gave her chance after chance and all she did was cheat and lie. My question is why all the sudden feel the need to contact me after months? Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Hi Been, I’m curious, why did you reply to her text and speak for 2 hours? Do you still love her? Would you like to be friends? Unless she’s going to physically or emotionally harm you i don’t see why you can’t be friends with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 I was actually curious as to why she felt the need to tell me she was quitting and to be honest we always did have great conversations about a host of topics so it was easy to talk with her and I did enjoy talking to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Been Posted January 25, 2018 Author Share Posted January 25, 2018 I did love her greatly once but when it was confirmed that she cheated multiple times I can't be with someone like that no matter how sorry or what changes they make - it just ruins the trust and without trust you have nothing. Friends not so sure about that. She broke my heart so that might be a little too much to overlook. And also as easy as it is to talk with her I have to remember she lied a lot during the relationship. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
FilterCoffee Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 I think we're in the same boat OP. My ex left me for some guy and when I stopped chasing her, she suddenly wanted me back (funny how that works). It's been 7 months since the breakup and we've been in touch the entire time. She's made it clear that she wants to work something out but just like you, I've lost trust and don't think it's possible. However, I still love her and want to be a positive influence in her life. I may never trust her as a couple but that doesn't mean I can't be caring. I've realized it's one thing to love a person and a completely different thing to be in a committed relationship with them. Right now, I love my ex but she doesn't have qualities i"m looking for in a long-term partner. Makes sense? Link to post Share on other sites
HumanMachine Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 She’s entering a period of uncertainty and knew she could count on you to comfort her. They like to do this. Link to post Share on other sites
bluecastle Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 The fact that you're posting on here means the conversation, nice as it was, made you anxious and rocked your foundation a bit. Remember that feeling. It means you may still need space and time to continue healing. Maybe in time you can be friends. I'm friends with a past ex that I cheated on, but it took years of silence to get there. My most recent ex cheated on me, and while I understand it was her issues that lead her down that path and have plenty of love and compassion for her—takes one to know one!—I'm not ready to be friends so I steer clear. I feel all my feelings (anger, sadness, regrets) on my own while working to cultivate forgiveness for her so I can move on. It's a process. Just listen to your heart and head. They don't always align, and that's okay. It's in the listening where you find the answers that best serve you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Who knows? It may be that she still felt connected to you through the job. What's done is done. You can't go back on either the break up or the phone call. So go forward. Tell her the standard white lie of "sure we'll be friends" which simply means you won't cause a public ugly scene if you see her again. There is no need to maintain regular contact. If you see her out, you smile, say hi & move along. It's not that complicated. Just go back to avoiding her. Never initiate contact & don't take her calls when she rings you. Eventually she will stop. Link to post Share on other sites
dumbass2 Posted January 25, 2018 Share Posted January 25, 2018 Not sure why you would text someone like that back and then even talk to them. You just need to be honest with your feelings. Despite everything she has done and everything you have said about her, it seems that you still might have romantic feelings for her? There was nothing to gain by replying. She is not a good person. Lying and cheating? Is that someone you'd want even as just a friend? You couldn't just be friends anyway. Not with that past and not anytime soon. Hopefully this was just curiosity on your part and nothing more. As for her? Well, ex's are known to popping back up in peoples lives when least expected when they are feeling down and lonely and need some comfort. So, it's not weird at all. Very common. Link to post Share on other sites
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