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So I am moving out in a month. Ex is being kind of a pain, had one of ex/now «*friend*» over last night (on a weeknight) and they watched tv, talked and laughed until 1:30am.

 

When I asked him to not have people over so late on weekdays because sleep is my biggest tool against anxiety (he knows this) he snapped back at me saying when we were together I was fine with him coming to bed in the middle of the night. When I told him there was only one month left until I leave, he sarcastically said «*whatever, sorry I’m suddenly a disturbance*» and I snapped. I yelled «*can you f**** stop this*?*»

 

This only affects me in the end, really because I was so angry I fell asleep at around 3. Every time I ask him something that he doesn’t like. This happens; he gets hrumpy and talks back at me so I get angry.

Any tricks on how to make the next month tolerable? ( I can go elsewhere)

 

Thanks..,

Edited by GoreSP
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Any tricks on how to make the next month tolerable? ( I can go elsewhere)

 

You mean you can't go elsewhere? In that case, could you sleep with noise cancellation headphones? He's probably doing this just to annoy you. Don't give him a reaction which is what he wants.

Edited by FilterCoffee
typo
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I can't go anywhere for the next three weeks. that was a typo.

 

My problem is not so much with the noise as we agreed this morning that people should be gone by 11pm on week days from now on.

 

Mostly looking for advice on how to deal with his attitude.

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Mostly looking for advice on how to deal with his attitude.

 

There's no changing his attitude. You only have three weeks left. You'll spend less energy just trying to find acceptance with your situation than fighting him. He's not bringing people over every night so you should try to just manage the temporary inconvenience.

 

Invest in a white noise machine. It helps. Go to a friend's place if you can during the weekends/weeknights. Get some earplugs.

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I can't go anywhere for the next three weeks. that was a typo.

 

My problem is not so much with the noise as we agreed this morning that people should be gone by 11pm on week days from now on.

 

Mostly looking for advice on how to deal with his attitude.

 

Just keep to yourself and don't talk to him. You can't dictate when he can have his friends over. Buy some headphones and go to your room and sleep.

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BarbedFenceRider

Sounds like you want to control the whole situation here...

 

You are breaking up with him. Yet remain around because living status? He obviously lives there. And is keenly aware of his status in your life. He is moving on and you don't like it. You broke up. He doesn't owe you anything. Suck it up for 3 weeks and get out.

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He refused to let me leave before the end of the lease so I also live there.

 

At this point I think I can ask him to not be too noisy after certain hours on week days? (the same way I make little noise on week ends before noon because he is still sleeping)

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Sounds like you want to control the whole situation here...

 

You are breaking up with him. Yet remain around because living status? He obviously lives there. And is keenly aware of his status in your life. He is moving on and you don't like it. You broke up. He doesn't owe you anything. Suck it up for 3 weeks and get out.

 

Nice assumption but I'm not having problems with him for moving on. I broke up for a reason. I wanted to leave earlier but he wouldn't let me off the lease (which he has a right too but this means I also live there. Paid my rent and my half of the bills)

 

So you're saying it's unreasonable to expect to be able to sleep after 11pm on a week day? There are bylaws here. If he was a neighbor I would have been able to make a complaint.

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At this point I think I can ask him to not be too noisy after certain hours on week days? (the same way I make little noise on week ends before noon because he is still sleeping)

 

Just because you live by a code doesn't mean others have to nor should you expect them to behave the way you want them to -- he has already disregarded your request.

 

Every time I ask him something that he doesn’t like. This happens; he gets hrumpy and talks back at me so I get angry.

 

Stop asking him to do anything. Stay in your space and stop getting into his. You only have 3 weeks left. You're causing unnecessary drama for yourself -- you can't change his attitude. It's futile.

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So you're saying it's unreasonable to expect to be able to sleep after 11pm on a week day? There are bylaws here. If he was a neighbor I would have been able to make a complaint.

 

It's not unreasonable but if he does not want to comply, what can you do?

 

Yes, if neighbors are loud you can make a complaint. Usually a complaint doesn't change things very much because they go back to being loud. He's your ex and you are in an awkward and uncomfortable position -- it's only temporary. Start focusing and planning on all the positives -- keep your focus ahead.

Edited by Zahara
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]He refused to let me leave before the end of the lease so I also live there. [/b]

 

At this point I think I can ask him to not be too noisy after certain hours on week days? (the same way I make little noise on week ends before noon because he is still sleeping)

 

If you've already paid this month's rent you don't need his permission to go.

 

Otherwise accept that he's going to do, what he's going to do and manage yourself by ignoring him and communicating with him only when necessary. If you're gonna stick around you're probably just going to be tired for a few weeks until you get into your new place.

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If you've already paid this month's rent you don't need his permission to go.

 

Otherwise accept that he's going to do, what he's going to do and manage yourself by ignoring him and communicating with him only when necessary. If you're gonna stick around you're probably just going to be tired for a few weeks until you get into your new place.

 

My new lease starts on February 1. I would love to move this week end but I don't have access to the new place.

 

Anyways spending this weekend at a friends'

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1. I presume you're named on the lease and its term will expire the end of this month. Has exBF given notice to vacate or will he be continuing? If named, have you given notice to vacate? This is especially important if you have any documented contribution to a security deposit.

 

2. I'd continue staying with friends/family periodically, spacing it out to lower frustration at the existing domicile and also not to unduly burden family/friends.

 

3. Inquire of the new landlord if/when the premises are prepped and ready and suggest that you're amenable to per diem in advance of rental start date. I often have done this for tenants to ease transitions. Once I got the place spiffed, it was available to a new lessee to bring over stuff or otherwise occupy even though the official lease didn't start until first of month. I simply divided the agreed rental rate into daily payments and added an addendum to the lease reflecting the per diem.

 

4. This will all be over soon and the end result is the goal. Yeah, it'll suck a bit on the way but keep eyes on the goal.

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1. I presume you're named on the lease and its term will expire the end of this month. Has exBF given notice to vacate or will he be continuing? If named, have you given notice to vacate? This is especially important if you have any documented contribution to a security deposit.

 

2. I'd continue staying with friends/family periodically, spacing it out to lower frustration at the existing domicile and also not to unduly burden family/friends.

 

3. Inquire of the new landlord if/when the premises are prepped and ready and suggest that you're amenable to per diem in advance of rental start date. I often have done this for tenants to ease transitions. Once I got the place spiffed, it was available to a new lessee to bring over stuff or otherwise occupy even though the official lease didn't start until first of month. I simply divided the agreed rental rate into daily payments and added an addendum to the lease reflecting the per diem.

 

4. This will all be over soon and the end result is the goal. Yeah, it'll suck a bit on the way but keep eyes on the goal.

 

1. Yes. End of lease is all worked out. He is staying there and I'm off the lease at the end of the one-year term.

 

2. Working on that

 

3. Apartment currently has tenants until Jan. 31.

 

4. Thanks. Will work on staying out of his way and ignore him as much as possible. My parents thinks he's trying to get back at me for being so happy since we broke up lol

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Back story

Lucky is his 7 year old chocolate lab.

 

Reese is a one year old Border Collie mix we adopted together back in May. He never really took care of her so we agreed I would keep her when I move out in two weeks.

 

I asked him about a month ago to bring Lucky to his dad's if he was going to be unavailable for more than one night because Reese is already a handful; both dogs is very tiring for more than one day, which he has been doing so far.

 

Last weekend he planned on going out Friday and Saturday (which means he would have slept most of the day Saturday and Sunday) so I asked him to bring Lucky to his dad's.

 

He yelled at me so badly I ended up having a panic attack. Told me to go elsewhere for two weeks if I wasn't happy (I am moving out in two weeks and have no where to go at the moment - hence the panic attack. My parents are in a two bedroom so they can have me over for a night or two on week ends but not for two weeks)

 

We haven't spoken since but this means I won't ask him to do anything around the house so I'm stuck doing all the work, cleaning, shoveling, ect.

 

:(

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Everyone advised you in your other thread to stop asking him to do anything and to just bide your time and keep to yourself and your space. Stay NC -- that means no communication unless you absolutely have to speak to him.

 

You don't have to clean anything more except your own messes. You shovel to get your own car out. You wash the dishes you use. You clean your own room. You tend to your own space. Nothing more and nothing less.

 

You have two weeks left. Stop creating drama for yourself. He's not going to care about your requests so try to bite your tongue and spare yourself grief. Pick your battles, OP. This will only be a losing one for you if you continue to broach him.

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Everyone advised you in your other thread to stop asking him to do anything and to just bide your time and keep to yourself and your space. Stay NC -- that means no communication unless you absolutely have to speak to him.

 

You don't have to clean anything more except your own messes. You shovel to get your own car out. You wash the dishes you use. You clean your own room. You tend to your own space. Nothing more and nothing less.

 

That's what I've been doing. I've been doing all the chores without saying a word to him, doing the bare minimum in shared spaces.

 

I'm all for biding my time but my weekend plans didn't and shouldn't involve taking care of his dog while he's out partying and sleeping?

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That's what I've been doing. I've been doing all the chores without saying a word to him, doing the bare minimum in shared spaces.

 

Then why did you mention that you are stuck doing all the work, cleaning and shoveling? Why are you doing all the chores if you are caring for your own space?

 

I'm all for biding my time but my weekend plans didn't and shouldn't involve taking care of his dog while he's out partying and sleeping?

 

You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. Sometimes concessions have to be made for the greater good. You've cared for Lucky and Reese when you both were in a relationship together -- I am sure you love the dog too? You were going to be home. The least and bare minimum you had to do was fill his bowls, let him out and maybe a little playtime. It would be one thing if you had plans to be out and you were forced to stay home to care for his dog.

 

I was in your position once before but because I loved the dog, I didn't let it affect my care for him just because my ex was an idiot.

 

And I do understand that you should not have to change your weekend plans for him and his dog.

 

- We know that it's his responsibility to care for the dog.

- We know that your requests will fall on deaf ears.

 

So what is the alternative? You're fighting a losing battle so stop. You only have two weeks left. In the grand scheme of things and the little time that you have left there, you need to focus on the bigger picture.

Edited by Zahara
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While you are right, don't punish the dog. Just do what you gotta do to get through the next 14 days. In the end you will be glad you weren't mean to a poor dog.

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While you are right, don't punish the dog. Just do what you gotta do to get through the next 14 days. In the end you will be glad you weren't mean to a poor dog.

 

Gosh I would never! He told me to just lock him up in his room.

Like I could do that...

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Good for you. Now as you do all these things -- the chores, care for the dog etc. -- alternate mantras:

 

 

I'm the better person

 

 

and

 

 

I'm almost outta here!

 

 

Hang in there. You will be well rewarded when it's your time & you are reunited will all your fur babies at Rainbow Bridge, including Lucky. He is lucky you are a nicer person then his owner.

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Hang in there. You will be well rewarded when it's your time & you are reunited will all your fur babies at Rainbow Bridge, including Lucky. He is lucky you are a nicer person then his owner.

 

aawwww Thanks.

:o

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So there is this t-shirt me and my ex both had and his was chewed by our dog (Reese for those following the story). At the time I told him he could wear mine because they are the same size.

 

This morning he asked if I was still giving him my shirt (...) and my first reaction was to say huh, I never said I was giving it to you so nan-huh!

 

Then I texted him saying the shirt was his and I hoped we could at least be polite for the next 10 days. Apologies happened. Hoping it sticks until I move out.

Not gonna lie I'm am relieved and feeling much better about the next 10 days.

:bunny:

 

( I also took Clonazepam so it could be that too lol)

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