chassmash Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Here is my situation. Was going out with a woman for about a year and a half. She had complained about my commitment to her. I have 2 kids and need some time on my own as well. And it’s true I did sometimes keep my distance.Anyway about 2 weeks ago she tells me she wants to split and that we should take time apart and maybe reconcile at a later point. She told me she loved me and she liked me and I told her I felt exactly the same. But it seemed she really wanted to split anyway ( she denies another guy and she is an honest person I believe) In any case I immediately left- no whining , no pleading, just left. In the last 2 weeks she has been sending me occasional texts saying she loved me, cared about me, wished me the best. She did it again on my birthday yesterday. So last night I called her and told her to make up her mind. Give it a real chance or just end it and back off. But the status quo of breaking up but all the lovey doves texts wasn’t working for me whatsoever. I told her I was willing to make real changes for her( and Ive already made a major one) but she had to make a decision. But there was no way I was going to be left on the backburner. I have already started dating other women. I have decided not to wait around. I feel she is in a way trying to break me(in the nicest possible way). And I feel my best option is just to move on definitively if necessary. Again she denies cheating. And that may be true on a physical level. But I do get the feeling she wants me as some kind of fall back. I think that is pretty sick actually and I’m not playing. My plan is to go NC with her and see what happens while living my life. Any good advice appreciated. Link to post Share on other sites
CantTakeMySmile Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 (edited) She did it again on my birthday yesterday. So last night I called her and told her to make up her mind. What was her answer? I think her answer will give you a clear indication to a direction to head. Edited January 22, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Fix quote Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 last night I called her and told her to make up her mind. Give it a real chance or just end it and back off. But the status quo of breaking up but all the lovey doves texts wasn’t working for me whatsoever. Seems you don't need advice, you handled that like a pro. So what was her decision? How long did you give her to make up her mind? (For reference I would have given her 2 minutes but YMMV) Link to post Share on other sites
Author chassmash Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 I gave her a few days. She is seeing a shrink currently and is in a state of constant confusion reevaluating her life. But the reality is I've always been kind and loving to her and I deserve better then the hanging on a thread of hope bs. The truth is I'm heartbroken. But I went on a date Thursday,Friday, Sunday. Another one this Wednesday. I'm moving forward. Not sleeping with anyone else just talking and flirting a bit. As soon as I sleep with another woman I consider the whole thing over with my girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 I think you handled it like a pro as well. Just keep doing what you're doing, you seem to have your head in the right place. If I was betting man, I would say somebody has her eye. Some women who are with a guy that has his attention somewhere else (you like your independence, and do things with your children, both honorable traits) start to feel lost and look for attention elsewhere which leads them to the good ol' "confusion" statement or feelings... Link to post Share on other sites
Author chassmash Posted January 22, 2018 Author Share Posted January 22, 2018 Yes I sense another guy. An old ex she was talking to. Nothing physical just an alienation of affection. The truth is I am very upset but also I want a woman who isn't going to do that to me. It's probably the hardest thing to process. Someone who says they love you also rejecting you. I understand human behavior and that she is doing what she thinks is in her best interest over the long term. But wasting my life waiting for her to fall and come back to me isn't a great idea Link to post Share on other sites
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 Does she have children? I think your relationship is a perfect example of why people with kids and people without kids very often do not work out. Childless people just don't usually "get it." I'm not dating at the moment, but one of my rules is to not date a childless man. Not because I'm dying to become a step-mother, but because they have so much more free time than I do (and like you, I value some alone time) so the level of time you can devote to each other just isn't the same. Parents understand this. Well, usually . Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted January 22, 2018 Share Posted January 22, 2018 The truth is I'm heartbroken. But I went on a date Thursday,Friday, Sunday. Another one this Wednesday. If I were you I'd cut that out. It's not fair to lead other women on, when you're quite clearly emotionally unavailable. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
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