Feeling suicidal after a break up

[Boundsella]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here but in desperate need to talk to someone. My boyfriend dumped me two days after our 3rd anniversary. We had dinner and 'cheers-ed' to 3 great years and many more to come. Two days later he tells me he doesn't really see a future with me and wants me to go. So I'm now pretty much homeless, completely shattered and confused.

 

He had addiction problems and I stuck by him through the hardest of times just to be dumped like that. I'm now looking at a handful of xanax pills and booze, really tempted to go for a nice peaceful sleep. Not sure if I'm really suicidal or just tired and irrational.

 

Any advice on how to cope would be much appreciated.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm so sorry. That sounds really tough! My only advice is that the pain WILL lessen, so don't make a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You're gonna have to go through it, unfortunately, to get to the other side. Many of us have been in your shoes so we get it.

 

Big hugs....be kind to yourself.

[irresolute]

First of all, take a deep breath. Everything will eventually be ok.

You don't need to end your life because of this. This too shall pass and even though you cannot see it right now, you'll be fine.

 

Please look for help if you have the urge to end your life. Be kind to yourself, meditate, go for a walk, call friends or family. You will be fine. I assure you.

 

And regarding this guy, we don't know what's going on in his head. Not your problem either. Let it be. Everything will come into place eventually.

 

Please take a deep breath and think everything is going to be ok. We're here for you.

[Highndry]

Break-ups are difficult, but we've ALL been though it. It really sucks but you have to just survive those initial dark days. No relationship or person is worth killing yourself over. If you really feel suicidal, go to the hospital or somewhere safe immediately.

[Boundsella]

Thank you both. I am just sooo sad at the moment, we had so many plans and now I'm just lost. I loved his friends and family too. I'm not from UK originally and they were all like family to me which makes things even worse. Of course I've made friends over the course of 6 years I've lived here but my god it's so tough. I'm 28, was thinking of maybe getting married and all that and it's all gone to **** now...

[Boundsella]

Break-ups are difficult, but we've ALL been though it. It really sucks but you have to just survive those initial dark days. No relationship or person is worth killing yourself over. If you really feel suicidal, go to the hospital or somewhere safe immediately.

 

Literally calling everyone on my phone book and I'm on this website. I feel stupid just for feeling this way, after all it's only a break up. But I love the guy so bloody much

[d0nnivain]

Yikes. I can so see why you feel blindsided & completely lost. However, killing yourself is not a resolution. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You will get through this.

 

First if you are genuinely feeling suicidal, call a hot line or go to an emergency room.

 

Second the first thing to address is your housing situation. Initially ask your BF to be reasonable & give you two week to find a new place to live. Meanwhile start packing your things so he realizes you are serious, sleep on the couch & start making plans. Can you go home to parents or live with a sibling even if that means going back to your home country? Do you have a BFF who can let you couch surf in the short term? If you have no funds, reach out to various agencies in your area -- look up homelessness prevention -- there are groups that can help you temporarily.

 

Once you get settled into a safe place, you can process your grief. You have lost something significant, this relationship. It's going to be painful & unsettling for a while but it will pass. You have to believe that. You will come out stronger on the other end but it won't be fun while it's happening. Still surround yourself with positive supportive people. You will get through this. He's not worth taking your life over.

 

Hang in there. Keep posting. Reach out.

 

Best wishes.

[Boundsella]

Thank you for all the responses, didn't really think anyone would bother. Much appreciated

[bene]

Don’t do anything in the heat of the moment. There’s a saying that suicide is a permanent “solution” to a temporary problem.

 

Try suicide hotline or internet help resources. I have forgotten the page but once I saw one with really good wisdom. I remembered there was a question - do you really want to die or you want to live but don’t know how? I suppose it’s the latter in your case. Also, they said that if you have really decided and you believe it’s final, agree with yourself that you will postpone it to let’s say three days, not to make any decision in the spur of the moment.

 

It will get better in the grand scheme of things. Feeling pain right now is only natural.

[Boundsella]

Right, just made plans for his mum to come pick me up (really unconventional, I know). She said I can stay with her for a while cos she knows the full story and what a bastard her own son coud be. And I really can't stay anywhere near him after what he said

[Msday91]

I was suicidal as well but then I thought let me just embrace this pain. It’ll pass it hasn’t subsided at all but the suicidal thoughts have and I’m just going by day by day. Doesn’t feel like living but it is what it is

[sdraw108]

There is some great advice in this thread.

 

My recent breakup has been the worst experience of my life to date, and the first several weeks were absolute hell. But I'm here, 2 months later, and feel noticeably better than I did initially. I'm still struggling a lot of the time, but I can see that there is an overall positive trend in my emotional wellbeing, and this keeps me going because I know that the end result is I'll be back to normal again one day.

 

The point is that no matter how bad things seem right now, they absolutely will improve.

[maxi105]

Boundsella, ah this is very sad. but in the long run you are going to be better (even though it doesn't feel like it now); but you are better off on your own to recover this heartbreak than be trapped with someone that doesn't want to be with you or for whatever doesn't feel they can be with you.

 

this post and his decision to drop you isn't about you; it's about the addiction and how addicts see things,

 

I think if you can talk to a confidential helpline to get your feelings off your chest that will help you a lot, maybe if you are looking round websites, maybe look at or get in touch with the sorts of addiction sites you have been affected by and talk to them about what you are going through or read about things, it might just help you strangely see how common this is and if you can find people in the same situation it might help to share or temporally help to ease the pain for a short time.

 

I don't have much time, but I just wanted to give a short chip in for you. you are going to be sad so let it out it'll help, this is still raw so there are going to be lots of changing emotions; but I don't think you should look to the love you have for this man at the moment, his addiction is an illness and his love at the moment is for his addiction first, getting the next fix and being around those that share that addiction so the love as you will notice is missing!!!!

 

if you can stay with friends or family for a while then turn there, but if not maybe get in touch with a hostel or association that could advise you professionally.

 

whatever you do, try to keep off the drink and drugs, they are not going to really solve things after a day or two and you are only opening yourself up to greater emotional depression and potentially other social problems.

 

take each day as a recovery even if its endless crying and sadness, just releasing your emotions will help and is part of the process.

 

I think unless this man kicks his habit in time and stays off it, then he is no good for you - however much you love him.

 

he has to do this for himself and has to want you, and that won't happen overnight, so I would really say don't look for this man to save you. if you have a chance it may not come until years later if he cleans himself up. addictions are not cured overnight so I really think you would be better as separated, you need to get your life back, and a life that can offer you what you had before the addiction...HAPPINESS.

 

sorry must check out, but you are stronger than you think, it's just that you've had someone else squash your confidence and dreams. so course its gonna hurt when that happens and you want more.

 

just keep going the best you can, one day turns into 2 then 3 then a week a month etc...each day will bring new strength and a chance to release your emotions. However hard that seems keep going.

 

don't give up a life and a chance to meet someone new in the future or maybe if this man gets help it might be a new chapter there; but whatever happens, don't give up your life for this, it won't achieve anything and will leave the people that really love and care for you feeling the way you are feeling now!!!!

 

best wishes and sorry the advice is not that great, but it's a small starting point to think over. if you can get a safe roof over your head you can get a bit of time to breathe for a while.

 

can you ask him to give you a place to stay for a week or 2 weeks just till you can get a more permanent space...if he cannot then that will tell you a lot about the man you love!!!!!!!

 

there is an opportunity for you in all of this total heartbreak and chaos...it just isn't the opportunity you hoped for when you got together, but your cloud will have a silver lining given enough time..TRUST ME!!!!! but only time will heal you on this one. so very best luck.

 

TAKE CARE I'm sorry your on this journey, maxi but there are lots of people who know and love you, so I'm sure you'll get through the best way you can.

 

remember, one day at a time.XXXXX

[SevenCity]

I have a loaded .45 next to my bed for self defense. During the initial weeks and months it was a constant struggle not to put it to my head and end the pain. What kept me going is I have a little dog I have to care for and I didn't want to let her down, or leave her alone.

 

I also realized that I probably won't feel this way in 10 years, but the option was always there if I did. However once used, it could not be undone.

 

I think breakups are most painful because we have no idea when the pain will end. If someone told you on February 1st, 2019 you would be your happy old self again it wouldn't be as bad.

 

Take this day by day and realize the pain will not last forever. It's gonna be a while and longer than you think, but no one is worth killing yourself over, especially since one day they will just be a distant memory. I had a friend kill himself over a girl when we were teenagers. Had he not I'm sure he would have been over it by now and likely married with kids.

[Boundsella]

There is some great advice in this thread.

 

My recent breakup has been the worst experience of my life to date, and the first several weeks were absolute hell. But I'm here, 2 months later, and feel noticeably better than I did initially. I'm still struggling a lot of the time, but I can see that there is an overall positive trend in my emotional wellbeing, and this keeps me going because I know that the end result is I'll be back to normal again one day.

 

The point is that no matter how bad things seem right now, they absolutely will improve.

 

The thought of it taking months scares the hell out of me I really really don't want to feel this way. Everyone keeps telling me how strong and independent I am (and I guess I was at some point), but I'm so low right now and don't want this horrible feeling to last... have to go to work tomorrow and honestly don't know how to make it through the day

[Boundsella]

I have a loaded .45 next to my bed for self defense. During the initial weeks and months it was a constant struggle not to put it to my head and end the pain. What kept me going is I have a little dog I have to care for and I didn't want to let her down, or leave her alone.

 

I also realized that I probably won't feel this way in 10 years, but the option was always there if I did. However once used, it could not be undone.

 

I think breakups are most painful because we have no idea when the pain will end. If someone told you on February 1st, 2019 you would be your happy old self again it wouldn't be as bad.

 

Take this day by day and realize the pain will not last forever. It's gonna be a while and longer than you think, but no one is worth killing yourself over, especially since one day they will just be a distant memory. I had a friend kill himself over a girl when we were teenagers. Had he not I'm sure he would have been over it by now and likely married with kids.

 

Yeah that's pretty much what's going through my mind right now. I've got the option here in front of me, just in case it becomes so unbearable that I can't take it anymore

[sdraw108]

The thought of it taking months scares the hell out of me I really really don't want to feel this way. Everyone keeps telling me how strong and independent I am (and I guess I was at some point), but I'm so low right now and don't want this horrible feeling to last... have to go to work tomorrow and honestly don't know how to make it through the day

 

I know. But it isn't a sudden switch from "awful" to "great" after a few months. It's a gradual process. That means that every week or two you'll feel slightly better than the last week or two, until eventually you're perfectly fine.

 

Going to work is actually helpful. Distraction, of any kind, will to some extent force your mind to not think as much about the pain as it would otherwise.

[Young mind]

Hi all,

 

I'm new here but in desperate need to talk to someone. My boyfriend dumped me two days after our 3rd anniversary. We had dinner and 'cheers-ed' to 3 great years and many more to come. Two days later he tells me he doesn't really see a future with me and wants me to go. So I'm now pretty much homeless, completely shattered and confused.

 

He had addiction problems and I stuck by him through the hardest of times just to be dumped like that. I'm now looking at a handful of xanax pills and booze, really tempted to go for a nice peaceful sleep. Not sure if I'm really suicidal or just tired and irrational.

 

Any advice on how to cope would be much appreciated.

Hang in there hang in there, seek help any moment you feel you wanna lose yourself, love is a strong emotion we feel for a complete stranger, still nothing compared to the love you can feel for yourself, or your family, think especially about your loved ones, how devastated they will feel, these were my thoughts once when I experienced a break up, but I thought and thought till I couldn't think anymore, feel and embrace this emotional turmoil more important accept it as part of loving.

Look at all of us, look at the beautiful people here, we all were down, we all were discarded like thrash by the ones we loved, we all or most had suicidal thoughts, even though they didn't write here, we all were lost but this goes to show you, there are certainly better days ahead, seek some professional help, group therapy or personal counseling work a lot in this situations.

Stay up and never underestimate how wonderful you truly are

[preraph]

You know, there's stages to grief, and you need to get to the stage where you are MAD at him for being an addict and for dumping you. Read this through the eyes of anyone who isn't an addict and wouldn't keep one around and you'll see how out on the fringe you have gotten and how few boundaries you have kept with this guy.

 

So it may take some time to wake up and see it, but you are SO much better off without him. And do NOT start taking pills to get attention or to kill yourself either one. Stop being like him just to get to him. Be smart and stand up for yourself and pick yourself up and dust yourself off and get on with life. It's not a normal reaction to treat yourself this bad after a breakup. You need to instead be treating yourself extra good, long bath with bubbles, night out with the girls, new hairdo. This is a new beginning.

[d0nnivain]

Right, just made plans for his mum to come pick me up (really unconventional, I know). She said I can stay with her for a while cos she knows the full story and what a bastard her own son coud be. And I really can't stay anywhere near him after what he said

 

That is unconventional but at least you have the most immediate problem temporarily handled. Give yourself the rest of the day to get sorted but you need to start making plans to get your own place rather quickly. I wouldn't stay with his mom for more than 2 weeks.

 

But I am glad you have her as an option.

 

You will get through this. You are more resilient then you think & you have people in your corner.

[ToGoFruit]

Hey there. You are totally entitled to feel the loss of this break-up. After three years, it's going to cut deep and it will take more time than you would prefer to heal. Getting past this will be the hardest part, but this is when you should be very intentional about surrounding yourself with trusted friends and if possible, a few older/wiser individuals that have already walked through seasons similar to yours. When we're alone in our unexpected grief and hurt...our minds start generating thoughts and ideas that are not beneficial. In fact, they can easily mutate into something detrimental and deceptive. Be cautious of this potential. In our hurts, we put different lenses on, so we need the perspective and clarity of others to keep us grounded.

 

I am so sorry you experienced this. I want you to know...this is not a reflection of who you are at the core. Your heart, commitment and loyalty were very much in this relationship, and I'm sorry it felt like it was thrown back in your face. You're going to feel a flurry of emotions as the days pass. There will be sadness, anger, disbelief, questioning, and some days...a total loss for words...but, it's okay. All of this is okay and necessary. It's the process. However, you'll be in my thoughts...praying this situation doesn't harden your heart, but rather, gives you new life and new perspective for your next step forward. You are so valuable, you know that? You're extremely wanted and seen. Remind yourself daily of your innate worth...it's not something that comes from another individual...it was pre-existing before you even realized and it continues to be yours for the taking. You are unique, loved, unrivaled...in everyday and in every moment.

[Cookiesandough]

(((((boundsella)))))

[bluecastle]

Just want you to know that you are in my heart and thoughts tonight. I know the pain—I'm in a version of it myself, though a bit further along to know the sharpness does eventually dull.

 

I won't bore you with my story as a way to making you feel better. But just know that we are here for you, as I'm sure other people are in your life too. Post whenever you want—we'll respond.

 

Sending love and hugs and support!

[maxi105]

this is gonna take some time to heal, look, you've made it this far and you will make it some more....EACH DAY IS ANOTHER DAY YOURE GETTING TO GRIPS WITH THIS regardless of all the tears and feeling so low.

 

 

its still very raw for you and what you are feeling is real natural. just keep with it a day at a time and you'll get stronger.

 

 

I think you should prepare for the months, but if you can be kind to yourself in the mean time then do that, self help books can be a good source as well as maybe freshening up your home, cleaning can be a good therapy along with nature and the things you love.

 

 

sure there are going to be memories in a lot of what you do, but its all part of the process.

 

 

this is about him and his addiction and his decision, unless he decides he wants you back and will get off whatever his addictions are then im afraid you don't have a say in this im afraid.

 

 

the kindest thing you can do is be kind to yourself and get yourself strong. heartbreak is just that and it wont happen overnight, but as I say; the spring is coming!!!! so look to then for your first look back on how you've handled this. and look on the more positive side of this sad situation.

 

 

AT LEAST YOU HAVE A JOB!!! you have money coming in and that can help to keep your mind occupied and your mental health a bit more stable than if you didn't have friends, no job, no money and endless time to think and feel crushed by this situation.

 

 

sometimes you just gotta ride the storm, so hang on in there and the spring will soon come to you....there are loads of people going through this right now, you are not alone...JUST KEEP GOING, good people will come through in the end...hjowever long it takes...XXXXXX maxi

[Boundsella]

It's such a bloody whirlwind, I never know when that paralyzing feeling will hit me. I felt just fine all day yesterday, thinking that I don't actually need him or the drama in my life but then as soon as I was on my own I was just physically crippled. Didn't do anything stupid but had a glass of wine and 2mg of xanax to knock me out. God I hope this ends as soon as it's humanly possible.