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Overlapping - Is it normal?


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Just trying to get everyone's perspective. I just got out of my first LTR of 3 years, and I'm absolutely crushed... to say the least.

 

My question is, is overlapping (jumping from one relationship to another) a normal thing in relationships? Is this my "welcome to the NFL" moment, or did I just meet the wrong person? I just cant believe how someone could do that to someone they used to love.

 

She even showed me the ring she wanted a few months prior..

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Finding a replacement, whether intentionally or accidentally, is unfortunately common, though not very ethical. I've certainly know women friends of mine who went a-huntin' before breaking things off. I disagree with it and wish they weren't so afraid of having a period of not being in a relationship as to do that. I do believe that's who does it, with women. Ones afraid to be without a relationship.

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"Overlapping" or "monkey-branching" is very common.

 

The problem with this is that unless the individual has processed the issues raised by the break-up and taken time out to grieve the previous relationship, they bring all their baggage forward into the next relationship.

 

Some people believe that they are ready to move forward and unknowingly lead the next person on to think the same way. However, the baggage catches up with them and results in either "getting cold feet" or discarding the new person after using them as a therapist/bandaid etc.

 

That's why, after being "caught out" twice, I made it a rule never to date a man who wasn't at least 2 years post divorce.

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Women do this very often, because:

 

- They do most of the dumping and divorcing and realize the best way to get over someone is to find someone else

- They have a lot more opportunity to find partners then men of the same looks/status

- No matter how hurt, insecure, vulnerable, or hung up a woman is after a breakup, there are countless guys who want her. When men are insecure, vulnerable, and hurt, it drives women away.

 

Not to say that men don't do it, but when you look at the stats it's apparent that women initiate breakups more often. More often than not they don't stay single for long.

 

In many cases where the woman is the initiator, the final push is when they find someone else. They may not yet be sleeping with them, but are having an emotional affair or even a crush.

 

Countless times you will see a woman started dating her guy who was just a "friend" while you were dating her thinking everything was going fine. Meanwhile, she was measuring him up for your spot.

 

If you get enough experience, you can see the signs of a women falling out of love with you. I've got that kind of experience (though too late to help), hopefully you never do.

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Jesus.. makes me scared to never get into a relationship again. It's seriously so painful.. three years with someone who you thought you'd marry and she runs off with someone else.

 

Sad thing is her she never communicated her issues, or told me she didnt feel right. What is wrong with women ughhhh

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Just trying to get everyone's perspective. I just got out of my first LTR of 3 years, and I'm absolutely crushed... to say the least.

 

My question is, is overlapping (jumping from one relationship to another) a normal thing in relationships? Is this my "welcome to the NFL" moment, or did I just meet the wrong person? I just cant believe how someone could do that to someone they used to love.

 

She even showed me the ring she wanted a few months prior..

 

I still believe women do this a lot,I will bashed that men did it as well but reading the posts here from men who were left is completely painful to read, we are blinded-sided a lot because quite frequently they communicate poorly the issues bothering them, even if they were communicated, usually not actively to work on those problems, men assume some protective role, we assume they are some little beautiful flower we need to guard from the outside world, you hear things like she said I was her rock, self esteem plummets and ego rocks, thus we can't let go and neither can we accept that no matter how much you give love and try make another happy, happiness and fulfillment can only come within.

Having been there 5 months ago, dumped in almost 3 years old relationship, a month later she was with someone else.

You're right to ask certain questions and ponder about the relationship, how could someone move on so quickly?. That's were you absolve yourself of any blame, it is a mirror image of past and future behavior and no matter the reason she left, you can speak with some certainty that when life hits you hard, guess who will be the first to walk ?,her, especially when she says "she's unhappy "but where can they find happiness, inside, but they think someone else will provide that.

LTRS usually get boring and monotonous, towards the end, arguments become frequent and more vicious, but it never excuses having someone on the wings and leaving.

Monkey branching is becoming very prevalent and it's a dangerous trend, thus the decrease of quality partners around.

You and yourself, how else can your ex-gf show the world, she is worthy of being loved?, exactly, to find someone else, in a world were being alone means you are either depressed or a loser, she must fit in, how else can she validate her reason to leave?.

Take great solace in the fact you dodged a bullet, and it may just be for the best, 3 years is a long time, those memories rather the good ones will never be forgotten, but moving on is essential and the rapid assumption that she has a new shiny toy to play with and this toy shines as brightly as her imagination lets it

Edited by Young mind
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Fever of love
Just trying to get everyone's perspective. I just got out of my first LTR of 3 years, and I'm absolutely crushed... to say the least.

 

My question is, is overlapping (jumping from one relationship to another) a normal thing in relationships? Is this my "welcome to the NFL" moment, or did I just meet the wrong person? I just cant believe how someone could do that to someone they used to love.

 

She even showed me the ring she wanted a few months prior..

 

Apparently so, but not always. Mine did. I was starting to think it was always that way.

 

But then I was thinking of some other women I know who dumped partners- they definitely did not have anybody lined up, and if anything were complaining about the lack of suitable boyfriends a few months later- although they did not regret their decisions to dump their ex. I can think of two separate cases of that type in my social circle.

 

So not always.

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